Sexuality

[at_anchor]

Homosexuality: As a child, I was in love with a woman. I had a crush on a 23 year old one. All throughout my childhood later on, I was bisexual and loved girls, I had long lasting crushes on girls that I pursued, I liked boys and men, but I never had a crush on one or at least I never dared to pursue one. Then after second grade of high school where I had my last crush that didn't like me, when I was basically 16. I didn't have any crushes on girls and stopped being attracted to them. Maybe on occasion but nothing much really. I started dreaming only about boys and men as my most sought after pleasure. How can that be? Will I ever again love girls? Is it because of my mom and all the rejections by these girls I wanted? In third grade high, a really pretty girl asked me do I want to be her boyfriend and I reacted her like an jerk, everyone was like am I gay, and for the first time in my life I actually was, but like in the past, I denied it to myself and to others. I kept it in the closet so to say. But now it is too late to become gay. I should have done it in primary school or at least in high school, or at least at twenty. I didn't realize that sex with boys back then is more valuable than a billion dollars. Yeah you can donate it to charity and help people, but buying yachts and houses is basically just to impress and attract people you feel attracted to. 

Pedophilia: This is for the sake of the argument... I heard from many honest relatives and friends how they fucked girls and where, some when they were 13, some when they were 14 and 15. Then there are so many boys I hanged out with who were into girls even two years younger, who were basically 12, 13, 14, and so on. When do we stop being attracted minors or do we ever stop being attracted? I'm asking this because even though I feel a strong pull to 25 year old men, I also feel that for younger boys too. I always act weird in the presence of people I feel like fucking, be they minors or adults. I'm often afraid of losing control of myself. Can't control my impulse to not fap, to not lash out, to not be lazy or afraid, to not reach out for that piece of chocolate, so how yeah, I can't control what I'm attracted to either.

Edited August 29, 2022 by at_anchor

[Thought Art]

The point is… your sexuality likely won’t fit the box ? society imagines is normal. 
 

You yourself have to explore, discovery and accept yourself and develop a healthy and safe sexual expression.

[King Merk]

Yea when I’m honest with myself I’m attracted to female “minors” meaning women that are under 18 years old. 

That said I don’t allow that desire to truly actualize itself due to the social norms of my culture.

From a selfish perspective I don’t see an issue with fucking a 16 year old girl but I can see how disruptive it could be to actually do that. So I keep those fantasies confined to my masturbation practice.

I used to judge myself for this desire.

Now I do not.

[at_anchor]

@King Merk @Thought Art  Thank you for opening yourselves up and for the advice. 

The biggest problem for me is FANTASY. Can't get sex out of my mind. The solution is to get sex, but that's kind of impractical. 

[Thought Art]

I don’t really know your sexuality. @at_anchor I’ve just realized through study, contemplation that humans are horny as fuck and it’s not fitting the social box we imagine exists. 
 

You need to be careful, mature and responsible…

[at_anchor]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I don’t really know your sexuality.

It's gay, but I don't feel comfortable being gay in a girly sort of way. 

But I would love to be gay in a manly way, it's just that I'm not man enough, not a provider of value and I have problems with strong competition that's crushing me

[Thought Art]

@at_anchor Go to your local sex shop and buy 1 or 2 books that resonate with you.

[at_anchor]

Yeah, I'll go to a sex shop sooner or later I guess

 

 

Edited September 20, 2022 by at_anchor