Should I lose my virginity even if it isn't my own idea?

[Davius]

(I know, Leo. There are no shoulds.)

I'm a virgin in my twenties, have social anxiety, autism and had a traumatic childhood. Intimacy has always been my biggest problem, I even avoid hugging my family.

Without society, I would never even consider having sex or being in a romantic relationship. But now the possibility is out there and I feel like I have to have sex at least once or feel the self-created shame of being a virgin.

A woman in her thirties asked me to have sex with her. I'm not attracted to her, but she makes me feel comfortable and loved. A lot of women terrify me. I'd act out of a fear of missing out. It might take me 5 or 10 years to get to a point where I am the one who approaches women.

Will I regret losing my virginity to her? Could doing it now lead to more growth over time? Does it really matter who I have my first time with?

 

[Vrubel]

@Davius Losing your virginity isn't a real big deal as society makes it to be. She sounds like a pleasant woman but don't have sex with her if you don't feel attracted. That's just very bad sex. You can spend more time with her and maybe you will get attracted.    

 

32 minutes ago, Davius said:

Will I regret losing my virginity to her? Could doing it now lead to more growth over time? Does it really matter who I have my first time with?

 

"losing virginity" is an experience and nothing more, don't do it for the sake of doing it. make sure it's with someone you're attracted to otherwise it won't feel right. 

[Yarco]

I think it's worth it just for the experience. If nothing else, you'll see how overrated sex is and how much society over-obsesses about it.

It depends how un-attracted you are and if there's anything she can do to help with that. Not worth it if you actually feel repulsion or disgust. If it's more neutral.... maybe.

I assume you told her that you're a virgin, or else I'd mention that and see if it changes anything. Your first time is probably gonna be pretty awkward, so if you plan on having sex again in the future it might be worth getting that awkward first time out of the way now.

I question why she would approach you. Is she super unattractive, is she a single mom or widow and desperate or something? Is she potentially using you to get her pregnant? It's at least a little sketchy and I would bring your own condoms and not leave them behind at her place. Some women are crazy and will poke holes through condoms, all kinds of stuff. Drake's in legal trouble right now for putting hot sauce in a used condom to kill the sperm, and then the woman fished it out of the garbage and tried to use it to impregnate herself LOL.

I don't think men usually think about their virginity as some virtuous thing to be protected and conserved like women do. The majority of men probably don't care who they have their first time with.

[Razard86]

1 hour ago, Yarco said:

I think it's worth it just for the experience. If nothing else, you'll see how overrated sex is and how much society over-obsesses about it.

It depends how un-attracted you are and if there's anything she can do to help with that. Not worth it if you actually feel repulsion or disgust. If it's more neutral.... maybe.

I assume you told her that you're a virgin, or else I'd mention that and see if it changes anything. Your first time is probably gonna be pretty awkward, so if you plan on having sex again in the future it might be worth getting that awkward first time out of the way now.

I question why she would approach you. Is she super unattractive, is she a single mom or widow and desperate or something? Is she potentially using you to get her pregnant? It's at least a little sketchy and I would bring your own condoms and not leave them behind at her place. Some women are crazy and will poke holes through condoms, all kinds of stuff. Drake's in legal trouble right now for putting hot sauce in a used condom to kill the sperm, and then the woman fished it out of the garbage and tried to use it to impregnate herself LOL.

I don't think men usually think about their virginity as some virtuous thing to be protected and conserved like women do. The majority of men probably don't care who they have their first time with.

THIS, after I lost my virginity I was like....."That's it?" I was really disappointed because they make sex seem like it will part the red sea. Now the truth about sex is it is all about the connection between the individuals. When the woman you are with you really love her and she really loves you....then sex is MAGICAL. But sex with some random person even someone who is attractive to you will ALWAYS be inferior to someone you actually have DEEP feelings for. 

Too bad society doesn't teach this and people jump around from relationship and relationship and complain they can't find something real...it's like you are not looking for something real you are looking for something quick!!!