I have to go out, oh no...

[Karmadhi]

On 4/16/2022 at 7:58 PM, Leo Gura said:

Don't make it about hot chicks, make it about something deeper: human connection and personal development.

You can form deep connections with people. It doesn't just have to be about chasing pussy

How can i develop a vision regarding pick up? I already have decent social skills, plenty of friends and enjoy my life as it is. To me pick up is just about getting laid and doing something that scares you to some extent. Except this there is nothing i see as benefits that i do not already have. How can i reframe it in a way to motivate me where it is not just about the quality of the dating life?

I would understand for someone that has bad social skills or very introverted but i already have worked on it years ago and now i am quite comfortable with who i am and do not struggle meeting people and making friends. 

[Asayake]

46 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

How can i develop a vision regarding pick up? I already have decent social skills, plenty of friends and enjoy my life as it is. To me pick up is just about getting laid and doing something that scares you to some extent. Except this there is nothing i see as benefits that i do not already have. How can i reframe it in a way to motivate me where it is not just about the quality of the dating life?

I would understand for someone that has bad social skills or very introverted but i already have worked on it years ago and now i am quite comfortable with who i am and do not struggle meeting people and making friends. 

Instead of doing things to reach some end goal you have in the future. Try to connect to  the Now and enjoy life as it is in the moment even when you're doing pick up. Instead of viewing it as pickup with the goal to get a girl to sleep with you, view it as an opportunity to connect with another human you know nothing about, have fun and spread good energy. If it scares you, appreciate the fact that the fear makes you feel alive, it transforms you. Learn to appreciate the suffering. Be in the moment and don't overthink it, just let go of thoughts and connect to your feelings and your inner body, trust that you will know what to say even if you don't think about it. More important than what is said is your feelings, your vibe. A good pickup line is a bad pickup line if you really want to get away from the situation and do something else, be comfortable with where you are in the Now and try to take everything in. She will sense your calm control & positive energy and that is attractive.

Sort of like how if you want to become really strong and build good muscle you can't be thinking about your gains in the future all the time when you're at the gym. You need to get to know the feeling of pushing yourself and how it feels in your body when you're doing the exercises. That needs to become something you love in itself for you to succeed in the gym. Otherwise working out will become dull real quick. You gotta fall in love with the process and not only with the thought of the result that will come from the process. Because otherwise you will not be able to enjoy sex either, if you're for example having sex only to last as long as possible and not for the sake of sex itself.

[Karmadhi]

6 hours ago, Asayake said:

nstead of viewing it as pickup with the goal to get a girl to sleep with you, view it as an opportunity to connect with another human you know nothing about, have fun and spread good energy.

I really enjoy doing that and meeting new people. However i do  not enjoy the making moves part that much. To me it seems as i am doing this to get the girl and hence her love/sex and nothing more. Especially the physical part aka touching her and shit.

[Asayake]

3 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

I really enjoy doing that and meeting new people. However i do  not enjoy the making moves part that much. To me it seems as i am doing this to get the girl and hence her love/sex and nothing more. Especially the physical part aka touching her and shit.

Hmm. Perhaps you weren't really that into the girl sexually, could that be the problem, that it feels a bit forced & shallow because you don't really feel like touching her yet(even though you know sex would be nice), like a deep connection really isn't there? That you just need to find someone you're really into to make touching etc. more enjoyable, exciting and something you want to do for its own sake. Sleeping with a lot of random girls you just barely got to know isn't everyone's cup of tea(different people like different things), it sounds like you're actually more interested in connecting with a girl and getting to know her on a deeper level and not just having sex with a girl you barely just met, am I wrong in my assumption here?

Maybe you should try to find yourself someone you can get to know on a deeper level first, a girlfriend? There is no need to escalate things early on just to make sure you score. Atleast when it comes to myself, I am not really that attracted unless there is a deep connection, sexual attraction is not only looks as I'm sure you're aware of. And when there is a deep connection things will more naturally lead to touching etc. and it will feel more meaningful. You don't have to touch her or try to kiss her on the first date. if it feels forced/shallow it's probably going to be forced/shallow, so trust your gut. Because you will not only be doing it to to get her love/sex, but you will do it because she has grown to be someone you care about and want to spend your time with, and you will want to caress her and make her feel good too because you care for her. Then you will not only be touching her for your own sake.

I don't buy that you need to sleep with 100s of girls to find the best girl to become your girlfriend. The best girlfriend is the girl you build on a relationship with for a long time and that shares some interest/interests with you. If one spends all his time hooking up with random girls a lot of time is wasted that could be spent really getting to know someone. Which would make the sex a lot more meaningful as well. Quantity does not equal quality.