Don't want to let another person into my life

[DManKee]

First of all a little backstory:

1. I'm really bad at human interaction in general and I know this is one reason people get turned off by me.

2. I barely make any effort ever to be in relationships after several bad experiences. These hurt so much that I've been unwilling to put myself out there again for years. Also all my relationships have been virtual.

I'm unwilling to put myself out there because of feelings of inadequacy, fear of getting hurt again. All around everybody tells you you should strive to conquer your weaknesses and be better. The pain of being alone kills me, the voice in my head constantly reminds me that if I dont act I'll never be in a relationship and I'll never improve my social skills. However this is a battle I'm just not willing to fight right now. I don't want to experience the hurt ever again. I want to know what you guys think. This consumes my thoughts almost every waking second and there is no relief. I want to know wether I'm making a mistake...

 

Maybe I'll never face this...I want to know if I can still live a life that's worth living in which someday I may find happiness...

 

Thank you ♥️

[Thought Art]

Hmm, the treasure you seek lay in the cave you fear most. Consider talk/ cognitive behavioural therapy…

Three great books are

1. Daring To Trust

2. When The Past Is Present 

3. How to be an adult in love 

all by David Richo

I also recommend a book called the Tao of Fully Feeling… can’t remember the name of the author but it’s one of the most important books for people pursuing spirituality in the west. it clears up a lot of the nonsense that you should “just be zen and happy” which makes sense when you read these four books in combination as to how ego, transference and trauma work.

Edited December 31, 2021 by Thought Art

[tsuki]

@DManKee I am not trying to be cute with spiritual proverbs here, this advice is to be taken literally.

The voice that speaks to you, that tries to force you into doing things that you don't want to do, this is your relationship with yourself. Learn to be gentle towards yourself, notice that your mind is repeating words of other people (your parents, siblings, schoolmates, etc). If you learn to be gentle within yourself, you will naturally be more gentle towards others and have less problems in social situations. Arrange your inner voice so that the way it speaks to you feels good.

This is easier said than done, but psychotherapy may help. Hire a person that will talk to you in a loving way, so that you can internalize and focus on that voice.

Edited December 31, 2021 by tsuki

[DManKee]

@Thought Art @tsuki Thank you both so much! ♥️

[NatureB]

Take your time man.

Practical advice: Heal 1 small wound per day from your past relationships. Whether anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, apathy.

And heal your relationship with your parents. That's where most of the pain originated anyway.