I feel like I'm neurotically attached to people

[Daniel Lopez]

Hello guys I hope you're doing great! So I've watched Leo's last video (how to get laid) and I felt like I needed that so much! It came in the exact right moment in my life. 

We can say that I currently have no friends, in part because of my own choice. I used to have some friends, however most of them were a bit toxic, and not great people in general, therefore I decided to slowly walk away from them.

Likewise I had been going out with a girl whose name is Daniela, however things didn't work out pretty well, mostly because of my being a bit awkward and socially uncalibrated. I remember that she was the one who got attracted to me at the beginning, and we were dating for a few months, but in the end we just naturally split and got away from each other. I feel like a part of me still wants to be with her, but at the same time I just want to let her be free and not force a relationship that is not meant to be.

I've never really been good with women or with people in general, but I'm willing to change that and work hard on myself, I feel like I just need one final push. At this point it's not hard for me to accept that I suck at relationships since I've been working on myself for a few years and I've become more confident when it comes to talking about my weaknesses. I've been watching Leo's content for quite a while and I like it a lot, however for some reason I've been denying this part of life (relationships and dating), I think because I sucked so hard lol.

Well the main reason I'm posting this is because I feel like I'm attached in a non-healthy way to my old friends and also to Daniela, I feel like if I started going out, making new friends and possibly getting a new girlfriend I would be betraying them and I would break Daniela's heart (even though she may have already gotten herself a new boyfriend). In a sense I still think it was the right decision to walk away from them. However I feel like they would hate me forever if they saw me happy with a new group of people, let alone girlfriend. I know this sounds a bit irrational, but It's just the way I feel right now. It's a feeling of guilt and a feeling of not deserving new healthy relationships for some reason.

Have you guys felt this way also at some point? 

I would appreciate any advice and/or resources that could help me.

I'm sorry for my somewhat lengthy post, I just wanted you to know a bit of my background to better understand my situation. 

Anyway thanks in advance for reading and also for your help

Edited November 9, 2021 by Daniel Lopez

[ted73104]

I'm wondering if you feel like if you made a new group of friends and you were really happy with them, that you would reject your old self. Do you feel like you'd have to change in order to gain friends with whom you'd have a more healthy relationship? And in this process, do you feel bad for your past friends and most importantly your past self? 

I think it's pretty normal that you sort of cling on to your past identity and experiences. Past feelings of "failure" and rejection really hurt, but wishing that your old friends or your old self could gain a healthy lifestyle and get certain results without changing or doing anything somehow, unfortunately in reality that just doesn't work. In life you just reap what you sow, and lots of people are just dealt with a bad hand of cards to start with. Continue to actualize, and I think at some point you would be able to not only gain new friends with which you could form a more healthy relationship, but you'd also understand your previous situation and the situation of your old friends. This would probably let you be able to reconcile with and accept your past self. 

It really sucks when you're bad with girls, but maybe you could focus on expanding your life experiences. Maybe get a new hobby where you could do some activity with a group of people. Or get a new task at your workplace where you'd work with another team in your company. I know it's hard when you are socially awkward to know new people. But these situations would really allow you to feel your inner insecurities and provide you the opportunity to confront them. As you build confidence, you'd naturally be comfortable in front of more and more people, including girls.

Another suggestion would be therapy, but that would cost a bit.

[Daniel Lopez]

9 hours ago, ted73104 said:

@ted73104  wow thanks a lot! It does ring a bell of truth in me, besides it gives me another perspective to look at the situation from. That's VERY helpful! I think I will also try some therapy. Thanks again!

 

[Preety_India]

Unhealthy Attachment to people usually arises from codependency issues and from neediness. 

Heal your neediness first. Explore your emotions in depth.

Explore the causes behind this neediness.