Applying Theory To Everyday Life: A Musician's Perspective

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 158 | Ah, Politics

I really don't feel all that qualified to talk about politics. It's not something that I've studied much in-depth but with the way that everyone is going on about it in the UK at the moment, something tells me that it's worth investing some time to understand how politics work.

As I type, two of my flatmates on opposite sides of the spectrum are debating about whether conservative or labour is the correct party for the country. To tell the truth, I haven't voted in the election. The main reason being is that I want my vote to come from a place of deeper understanding of how politics works, not from a social media campaign. As of right now, that's something I don't possess. But perhaps in the future I will work towards developing a deeper understanding. I want my vote to come from a well-intentioned and well-informed place. Otherwise it may do more damage than good.

In previous years, I've just past off general elections with the old excuse "my vote doesn't matter anyway." On reflection, that way of thinking is probably not the most productive nor beneficial mindset to hold. It grounds me in a vulnerable position. But as of right now, I feel glad to have realized that perhaps it would be best to make a vote. But as I mentioned, it needs to be a well-informed decision.

As for the debate about which system is the right one, again I'm not well-read enough to give an educated opinion. But with my naive understanding of the situation, it's obvious that there is both good and bad in every political party. Maybe it's just a law of nature that things must be this way. But all things considered, we've not destroyed each other yet! And I don't think it will happen any time soon, regardless of who ends up running the country. The more "hippie" part of me just thinks that it would be wonderful if we could live in a world free from countries because it seems to divide us rather than unite us. Hopefully, the world will look like that one day but perhaps not in any of our lifetimes.

All I can say about this election is that no matter who wins, we'll soldier on as always. There's no point in determining our happiness on the outcome.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 159 | Upper Limit Problem - Revisited

Theory: It's never the case that more bad things can happen to you on any particular day. It's just that you are more negatively receptive on particular days.

Applying it: Recognize that you are the source of all your negativity and be accepting of it.

 

This post has nothing to do with the political confusion that has just occurred in the UK. Honestly, I never used to give so much of a shit about politics but perhaps turning 21 has it's bewildering effects. In any case, this could still apply to anyone who feels negatively about the state of things.

I've been familiar with the concept of the Upper Limit Problem for a long time. It was first brought into my life, like everyone else, with Gay Hendricks' book The Big Leap. Although I've long understood that humans have the tendency to sabotage their happiness through one way or another, that understanding didn't seem to have helped for me today. Although I had two very awesome gigs (one at 8am and one at 8pm), my unfortunate luck on the road has been at the forefront of my attention.

Driving to the first gig, I clipped the car mirror on something. After that gig, I lost my ticket to Q Park and ended up finding an abandoned ticket from yesterday costing £17. Then on the way to the second gig, I somehow managed to lose my second parking ticket (a few seconds after slapping it on the dashboard). And finally, I drove the majority of the way home with my car lights off. How the fuck have I not crashed into anything today?!

But it's only just hit me now that the only reason I feel down is because I'm focusing on the negative aspects of the day. Given that my driving skills are usually on point, it's hard not to be shocked at how shitty my driving was today. But if I look on the positives, the first gig was so awesome. I performed an hour (non-stop) of Indian ragas with the Indian Music Ensemble leader and his tabla protege at the railway station for the BBC Music Day in Sheffield. I even got asked to do a little interview about music-making in Sheffield so that might end up on TV/the internet!

The second gig was a preview of a musical that I'm the guitarist for called The Local, which will be performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this August. (If anyone of you guys happen to be going to the Fringe Festival this year, it would be so cool if you came up and said "hi": it's a long shot, I know but I believe in miracles!) That ended up turning out really well too. I received the wonderful familiar sensation of goosebumps during the performance which is always a pleasure in musicals.

So if I focus on the positives, my day's been pretty awesome. I must remember not to assume that I'm undeserving of such happiness. There's no need to jeopardize my life situation because of a happy feeling, which sadly is what I have been doing the last week. It's time to absorb the happiness and acceptance even more.

...

And if you want an example of a fine specimen of a man who knows how to look at the world with enthusiasm and excitement, then watch the video and be inspired by this legend: Cliff Stoll!

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 160 | Reflection

Yet again, the reflection post has come around on a very significant day in my life. Today was my last full day as a music student at the University of Sheffield.

I ended up handing the library books back in and taking one last trip to the Soundhouse, the cool rehearsal building that I've practically lived in for the last three years. It was such a huge mistake because I found it incredibly difficult to leave. So many hours have been spent in that building perfecting my craft as a musician and so many wonderful memories were made.

But now the real journey begins. And the question still remains to be answered: "can I actually make a kick-ass career for myself?" Action has always been in a more passive sense due to university life looming over like a fat pigeon. But now that pigeon is flying away and now I have to create a life for myself, become my own boss, set my own schedule. I've never known a life outside of formal education. Every moment of my life, there has been pressure to get good grades and good results. Now it's going to disappear completely. Only to be replaced by the judgment of society.

I'm currently chatting to a mate about the future and goal-setting. He's reminded me that being specific with your goals is real important for success, and it is. But I feel like a fizzy drink that's been shaken in the bottle. Those creative juices in me are pretty keen to escape the bottle of my mind and it's only a matter of time before I give in and open the lid. It's gone beyond any beliefs that tell me my career goals are too optimistic, childlike, naive, or unrealistic.

Music just wants to come out so much that it's going to force it's way out. Maybe that's why I've been kinda destructive in the moments where I've not been thinking about music. Everything about my life story thus far just cries out "this guy's got some serious music in him." And it's so serious that it won't leave me alone. It will continue to torment me for the rest of my life whilst I take away a sadistic pleasure from it all.

Chatting shit now. Onwards and upwards.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 161 | Lessons Learned Through Non-Teachers

Theory: A high majority of all the lessons we learn in this world come from non-teachers (anyone/anything that is not consciously trying to provide teachings).

Applying it: Be willing at all times to ask the question "what is this moment trying to teach me?" That way, you can be more conscious of the teachings that pass into your subconscious mind and, if necessary, discard any counterproductive teachings.

 

My flatmate is a very good teacher, but he has no awareness of this. He is not actively trying to offer any teachings nor does he have a passion for learning and teaching. He's a non-teacher. There is a great big teaching that his behaviors are transmitting on a daily basis: using television to sweep your problems under the rug is a terrible idea that leads to even bigger problems in the future.

Yesterday, the guy put on the TV at 9am and watched show after show consecutively until 9pm. An entire day's worth of viewing. As a result, the other flatmates, myself included, remained in our own rooms because he was taking up the living room with the TV. To be honest, I'd rather be in my room playing guitar so that didn't have much impact on me. But underneath it all, this addicted flatmate is unconsciously using the television to destroy the wonderful friendship that we all had together as a flat. The others feel isolated rather than included. All because this one flatmate doesn't know how to live without television/internet.

He is proving to be a fine example of how addiction to television can destroy your life. He hates his day job, and yet he spends all of his free time absorbed in virtual reality to escape from the problems of this reality. After reading Towards A Psychology Of Being (almost), I can actually appreciate why television is so pleasurable: it's a tool through which you can forget your own being and become free of body, mind, and pain. However, it's a destructive one at that.

If he continues in his ways, I feel sympathy towards the fact that he may end up with no friends, no happiness, and no love for life anymore. He'll become depressed, frustrated, and lonely. And as much as I'd love to make him realize this fate, something tells me that the only time he'll listen is when he's knee-deep in that shit. He frustrates me not because I feel like he's annoying, but because I'm concerned for his well-being in the future. Every time I walk past him and he's glued to the screen, it hurts me that not everybody in this world is actually conscious of their own destructive patterns.

That's just one example of a non-teacher. There are many more in life and it's always good to be on the lookout for what lessons you can learn, even if its from a squirrel.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 162 | Becoming The Music

Theory: Once you start to reach the highest points of mastery with an instrument, your perception transforms from performing the music into becoming it.

Applying it: As you play your instrument, try closing your eyes and opening up to all of your sense perceptions. Let the music become the essence of your being rather than a mere part of it.

 

This is specifically a musician thing but I suspect the same phenomena can occur when mastery occurs with any activity. After spending 10+ years learning how to play an instrument, it's safe to say that you end up being pretty good at it. But if you're also extremely passionate about it and you just happen to be doing self-actualization (what a nice coincidence), you can combine both of these things to create some incredible performing experiences and some creative music.

As I remember describing in a past entry that the learning process doesn't require your eyesight, much of my guitar playing these days tends to occur without me looking at the instrument. Instead, I focus my attention on the sense perceptions of touch and feel. This includes my fingertips, wrists, hands, arms, shoulders, and the rest of my body. Not only has this improved my body posture and technique, but it has opened up the possibility to engage in a more full experience of the music within.

Sometimes, you can focus so deeply inward that the boundaries between the source of the music (the creative muse) and the physical performance of that music (my fingers on the guitar) dissolve completely. This is something that I've been experiencing very intensely in relation to a composition I'm in the middle of writing (see the video). It features some complex overlapping rhythms that force your mind to escape the normal conventions of rhythm in music and, in so doing, merge the creative muse and the physical body into one during it's performance. It's so complex that this divide simply has to disappear in order for it to make any sense.

Below is the ending section of my composition. For any musicians who may find it interesting, this is a tukra to end the composition. A tukra is an Indian classical music technique which features a small composition followed by a tihai (a phrase repeated three times, ending on the first beat of the bar). The picking hand repeats a 7/8 pattern whilst the fretboard hand changes metrically between 4/4, 12/8, and 15/8. Drummers will probably agree in saying that it's very difficult to improvise across the beat with one hand whilst maintaining a consistent pulse in 7/8 in the other.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 163 | Rendering Service

Theory: It doesn't matter what talents or resources you possess unless you can utilize them to render good service to others.

Applying it: Take a look at all the tools and abilities you have at your disposal and try to figure out how you could use them in the most productive way to provide useful service to others (and hopefully earn some money).

 

So here I am with no university to go to with an abundance of time on my hands. What have I been doing with it? For the most part, I should plead guilty to the amount of time that I've done pretty much nothing. After all the uni work, it's always been a pleasure to have that time period afterwards whereby I let myself be pretty lazy. It's been a real busy year so it seems well-justified! But already, I'm starting to ask myself what life will be like in the future. Those career fantasies are now going to have to collide with reality for better or worse.

The best place that I can start is to take into consideration every asset at my disposal. The most obvious one is my ability to perform. This definitely needs to be at the forefront of everything that I do, but it might not necessarily have to do with music. For instance, I could also make YouTube videos in the future going into detail about the knowledge and experience I've acquired. People love that shit! That almost feels like a performance because you're presenting in front of a (virtual) audience.

A quick list of assets that I can think of at this time: guitar mastery, music knowledge, performing experience, (very soon!) powerful Macbook Pro with advanced music & video software, useful contacts. But ultimately, I think the most important asset is my desire to enjoy life as much as possible by self-actualizing and seeing beauty where others see emptiness. In fact, the more I think about it, a strong intuitive impulse seems to reaffirm the idea that my duty is to share this desire with the world until they feel it too.

Now I'm spontaneously laughing with joy so it must be true! Have I redefined my life purpose? Because it seems so true. Performing music, exercising, eating healthily, meditating, self-actualizing, and every other peak-experience in my life has come from this attitude of wanting the most out of life. How the fuck did I lose sight of that?! Maybe it was the stresses of university. But now I feel realigned once again with what really matters. And I'm led to believe that being aligned like this will provide me with abundant opportunities in the future to offer great and meaningful service for others.

Gee it's amazing some of the paradigm shifts that occur during the short time it takes to write up these entries!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 164 | Hidden Magic Behind My Work

Theory: It's wrong to pursue the career of a musician if all you want from it is the superficial rewards. Your biggest motivator should be your desire to deliver a spiritually empowering message of some sort to as many people as possible.

Applying it: Try to remind yourself not to become too enticed with the self-interest and ego-gratification that results from performing music. Realign your focus on the primary goal: to serve the world, not yourself.

 

After watching Leo's latest video on system thinking, I've been contemplating my prospects of becoming a performing musician. I'll admit that at times, my motivations can come from a self-pleasing place rather than a world-serving one. Sure it would be nice to parade around the world performing music in the hottest venues. But ultimately, my work has to be deeper than that if it's going to stand a chance at becoming sustainable. People will be able to read between the lines and recognize my ego-driven motivation if it becomes the dominant impulse for my life choices.

At this point, I reconnected once again with my desire to convince the world of the lessons that I have learned: you can accomplish anything, it really isn't that impossible, life is beautiful if you look for the beauty, emotions are created within and not triggered from outside... There are so many messages and lessons that I've picked up over the last few years alone. But as the old adage goes, "people won't care about what you know, they care about what you do with what you know." The most absolute way I can transmit these messages with any kind of credibility is to embody them in my day-to-day life. That includes careers but also fitness, diets, emotional well-being, relationships, and every other domain of mastery that exists.

I've come to the conclusion now that this world-serving mindset is something that I'm going to have to practice before it becomes a natural habit. If I can do it with general positivity, then I can do it with this too. It takes time and conscious effort at first but once it becomes an automatic process, you might as well wave goodbye to that problem for good.

Also, some of the creative ideas that I've been receiving in regards to the future of music have seemed a little "shallow" on a surface level. For instance, is it really more important to spend my life developing musical mastery or should I focus on preventing something massive like climate change? But my answer came into being when I felt that more people in the world need to understand the lessons I've uniquely experienced first-hand and therefore, my time would be more productively spent transmitting these lessons to others.

This shift from 'ego-pleasing' to 'world-serving' is one that I urgently need to solidify in the next few months.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 165 | Time To Become An Entrepreneur

Theory: When you receive a great idea that aligns with your life purpose, your highest values, AND serves the world in a meaningful way, you've got to at least go for it!

Applying it: Start work as quickly and as tirelessly as possible to fulfill your goals and see them through to the end.

 

Earlier today, I set aside some time after a meditation session to contemplate the question "how can I serve the world?" This question was followed up by questions such as "what problem do I want to solve in the world?" and "What is the most meaningful way that I can fulfill this goal?" and "What kind of career/personal work can I do to fulfill this goal?" By forcing myself to contemplate these questions early on in the day, I've found myself suddenly in possession of a crazy idea for the future that might actually work.

I don't want to give too much away at this stage because I understand the importance of 'showing by doing'. All that I will say is that this idea came to me several hours after contemplation, seemingly out of nowhere, and it answers all of the questions above. Not only does it align with my life purpose, but I think it has the potential to grow and expand to help many other musicians get exposure as well as serving the interests of the listeners. One final clue that I will give away about this idea is that it has resulted from toying with the question "can I really create anything in this world?"

This idea has got me super excited because I know that the biggest failure that can come from it (providing I remain persistent) is just that nobody will be that interested. I won't lose any money on this endeavor because it capitalizes on all the assets I have today, including musical mastery, microphones, powerful hardware, and an array of talented contacts who may want to join in on the fun. In fact, if everything goes tits up and I earn no money whatsoever from it, I can definitely say for a fact that it will be really fun!

It's an idea that's going to put my philosophy of success to the ultimate test whilst simultaneously tackle the question "what problem do I want to solve in the world?" Namely, I want more people to see the beauty in life and realize that they can create anything they want in this world.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 166 | Invest Today For A Better Tomorrow

Theory: If you are certain that making a costly investment will be worth it in the future, don't be afraid to splash out on it.

Applying it: Make loan-free investments that will improve your success in the future at all costs.

 

Today, the new MacBook Pro arrived at my doorstep! My schedule for the day has bee thrown out completely to suck up to this powerful machine. The last laptop that I worked with was from around 8-9 years ago, meaning that it was very slow and quite literally ready to pack in altogether. It's been a huge technological leap for me and I'm loving every minute of it. The fans are actually silent! They're not sounding like they're about to take off! And also, web pages are taking seconds to load, not minutes.

For those interested, I made the most of my student discount to purchase the 2015 MacBook Pro with upgraded processing speed, more storage, and 5 great apps under the "educational bundle." The main reason why I opted for this machine was to help pursue my career as a musician. With this laptop, I can record studio-quality audio, edit videos, set up live electronics, and do just about anything ridiculously smoothly. Whilst using the Wix website editor on my old laptop, it took forever (quite honestly) to load up something simple like a blog post. Now, I can do it in seconds. This thing is a beast.

Especially when it comes to this new project of mine, I feel like it's going to save my life. The best part is that it's ridiculously powerful AND portable. That means I can take this thing on my travels along with some recording kit and I could record stuff on the go. The hope is that this machine will be able to last me 10+ years.

I'm sorry if my ability to concentrate on writing a noteworthy entry is limited today; times are too exciting!

 

Pick of the day:

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 167 | Transmuting The Idea

Theory: No matter how wonderful you think your ideas are, they still need to be translated from the imagination to the real world. And more often than not, it will prove to be a bumpy transition that requires focus, commitment and passion.

Applying it: As you go about trying to implement your ideas, focus on anything that is going to keep you motivated. This could be the long-term effects, a visualisation, the money, the service that you can provide others with, etc.

 

So as I'm currently working out this financial idea, it's been clear that a lot of preparation and organisation is going to be necessary to lift it off the ground. My plan is to use Patreon to start making sessions that blend live performance with radio requests. It's a very ambitious project that is going to test my ability as a performer to the max. But before I can even lay a finger on my guitar to perform, there's so many other aspects to consider. Finances, resources, co-founders, part-time employees, promotion, you name it.

But I guess this is what the life of an entrepreneur is going to be like. As I mentioned in a previous post, there's not a lot to lose from my side. It's not necessarily a gamble in terms of personal and financial security. In all respects, it's just a fun project which might have the potential to provide good service for others and (maybe) good money in return.

The initial idea that I started with has changed dramatically over the last few days, although the fundamental purpose of it has remained the same. So many questions have been asked. How am I going to record these sessions? What if nobody wants to pay money to this project? How am I going to set up the reward scheme? What if nobody likes what I'm doing? How could I involve other musicians in these sessions? How should I pay them if they join in?

So many questions. Some of them constructive and some of them destructive. The best thing to do is obviously to focus on the constructive ones. After all, for people who like watching me perform and like listening to music in general, this will prove to be a great service to them. All I can do is just maintain persistence in the ways listed above, which isn't too difficult for the time being.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 168 | The Big 5 Personality Test

Theory: Sometimes, you need an external determinant to tell you what you're personality is like because it can be tricky to decipher it yourself.

Applying it: Visit the website that is linked in Leo's new video: https://www.truity.com/test/300-quest...

 

Missed a journal yesterday, woo! I was in fact lost in the world of music technology and time flew by too quickly for me to write an entry. But that's just part of my personality. (I hope you appreciate that beautiful segue)

So I reached around the 25-minute mark in Leo's video where he mentions a personality test. And so I thought I'd give it a go. It consists of 300 questions asking you about your current beliefs and abilities in everyday life. 300 questions is a lot to get through but you can't argue that it isn't thorough and can't give a pretty accurate analysis of your personality. Once I completed the test as honestly as possible, the results came back and I couldn't believe it: they were all great!

A quick breakdown:

Cognitive style - Intellectual

Organisational style - Balanced

Energy style - Ambiverted

Stress management style - Resilient

Interpersonal style - Collaborative

 

The wonderful thing about external feedback is that if it comes from a non-biased, non-egocentric place, it can present to you information about yourself or your belief systems that are obvious to everybody except yourself. There's a part of me that is genuinely surprised that nothing on the report list seemed like it needed work on. On the other hand, with the amount of self-actualisation I've been doing (not huge but more than the "average person"), no wonder that it's worked out that way. To score "low" on all of the neurotic traits shows just how far I've come in the last few years.

It turns out that the website also features a ton of other tests: some paid, some free. I'd recommend it to anyone who hasn't done it already, but if you're an Actualized.org junkie just like me, then you won't need telling twice!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 169 | Sexuality

Theory: As daft as it sounds, sexuality might not be a "set in stone" characteristic for everyone. It can be prone to change.

Applying it: Keep an open mind regarding sexuality just as you would with everything else with self-actualisation work.

 

This is a topic that I've never talked about on my journal before. Mainly because it's a topic I never really bring up in everyday life (and for good reason). But it plays a massive part of my life because I'm not the "standard" heterosexual guy. I've found that my sexual orientation has been very prone to change. And given the nature of this online community and given that I've made a virtual home for my thoughts in an online journal, perhaps I can now feel comfortable about talking through this subject.

My sexuality has been through lots of phases growing up. First and foremost, I believed I was heterosexual just like everybody else as a kid. Nice and "normal." Then as I grew up, I started to become convinced that I may be homosexual. In this day and age, that's also widely acceptable and nothing to be ashamed of. Then I conceded that the most logical reasoning would be that I'm bisexual, which again is becoming more widely accepted in society. But whilst I'd happily pass myself off as bisexual, it doesn't stop there.

I've been through periods of asexuality, object sexuality, and auto-sexuality. Each of these aren't quite as socially accepted as LGBT, probably because they are far more unknown, and have even been passed off as "disorders" by others. Hence the reason why I've never opened up about my changing sexuality to anyone before. But the time has come to be more accepting and more open about it because it's part of my nature. It's beyond my control and no matter how many people will condemn me for being twisted and mad, I know that they will all be wrong.

So I don't know how many other people out there also feel the same way. Perhaps you've had no doubt about your sexual orientation all your life. But for the people who are that way, at least now you might be aware that some of us are having to consistently reexamine their sexuality. And finally, I can be comfortable with sharing my state of not-knowing and I can be accepting of whatever orientation it happens to be at any given moment.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 170 | Reflection

Getting used to life outside of formal education is going pretty well so far. For the most part, I've been able to chill so much and do what I want. It's incredible to think that I've never really know a life outside of formal education, and yet here it is. And if I'm lucky, it's going to take up the largest bulk of my life.

My mum has been helping me apply for something similar to job seeker's allowance, which has me a little concerned. Mainly because I really don't want a job for the sake of having money. I feel really strongly that the hard work that I've put into my guitar playing for 10+ years has got to serve for something. It's not a mere hobby as most others treat it. It's my calling in life. And I've received in the last week a wonderful idea that might help me to make some bucks from doing my passion.

From the many concerts I've performed, it's clear to me that the best service I can provide people with on this earth is my music. Specifically, my spirit of performance. Looking at my upbringing, it's like I was born to perform. It gives me so much fulfilment in the present moment and some of the reactions I've received from my performances have been so heartfelt and sincere that they've left me in tears of joy. My passion to perform for the world grows ever stronger now and it's almost unbearable. But my biggest priority now is to build an audience for the work I do. And the best way to do that, in this modern world, is to create a solid online presence.

All I need to invest my energy in now is to buy some recording equipment (camera, mics, maybe some lighting), and LOTS of time learning how to make good videos for people to enjoy and benefit from. That's the thing. I'm past fulfilling my own ego here. To fulfil that, all I have to do is pick up the guitar and play to myself. But the trouble is that I keep it to myself. I don't share nearly as much as I want to be doing. And I feel like I've learned so many valuable lessons that others could benefit from. But in order to do that, I need to show people what I've got. Most of all, I need to bite the bullet, face my fears, and shit all over them!

The path to success was chosen by me a long time ago. But university (as good as it has been) has prevented me from running down that path with full steam ahead. Now is the time to start chasing those long-awaited dreams of mine. And hell, I don't know how it's gonna turn out. But one thing is for certain: I'm sure as hell going to find out!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 171 | Do What You Say

Theory: The easiest part of changing a new habit is saying that you want to change it. The hardest part is actually changing it!

Applying it: Keep track of everything that you do each day to ensure that you don't slip up or break your promises.

 

An idea I had a few weeks ago about using a spreadsheet to mark off my "conscious hours" fell a little flat. Largely due to my inability to use a spreadsheet effectively. However, I've found a new way of making sure that I get everything I want done out of the day. By my bed, I have a wipe board and pen. Every night before I go to sleep, I write a checklist of the things I want to do the next day. It just so happens that the wipe board is an ideal size to fill up with tasks so that it's not a task overload but it's also not a minuscule amount.

Having been doing these wipe board checklists for a few days, I found that my ability to make excuses for myself started to become jeopardised, which is a good thing for personal growth. But there was just one thing that prevented it from being perfect. Every day, I would wipe the tasks away and they would be forgotten about completely. There would be no way of tracking the hours I spent the previous days and there would be no way of telling if yesterday was a productive day or a lazy day.

That's where the second journal comes in: Everyday Life Without the Theory: A Musician's Perspective. Can I just brag about how proud I am of that title?  But it represents the true nature of the two journals: it provides the Yin to the Yang. Now I can journal everything that I say and everything that I do all in one go. All I've got to do is write in the subsidiary journal everything that I write on my wipe board. And whether I complete my tasks or not, I can document it in a non-biased manner.

It's strange because this journal functioned perfectly on its own. But with the added component of cold hard facts in the other journal, the whole journaling experience just feels so much more complete and fulfilling.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 172 | Passion Furnace

Theory: Passion is held within consciousness like a furnace, like an explosion waiting to happen. Your job is to fuel it by throwing petrol on the fire and going full steam ahead.

Applying it: Recognise the burning sensation within you called "desire" and let it fuel your actions and provide you with results.

 

Just a quick announcement before diving into this topic. Today, I received my results for my three-year Music degree at the University of Sheffield... And he only went and got a FIRST!

What a pleasing result. Three years of hard work has finally paid off with the best reward I could have hoped for. But this isn't what I want to journal about today. Something far more important than a degree has been drilled into my mind today. Namely, the unchartered territory known as the future.

Today, I went to an interview as part of the Universal Claiming scheme. Whilst the interview was carried out with the best intentions, there was a powerful burning sensation within me which told me that this was a bad idea. Not only that, it felt like I was just about to commit a massive betrayal to my highest values and my goals since forever. As much as the scheme would be helpful for many other people, it seemed to me like it was trying to rush me into a job.

The reality hit me hard when I got home to meditate. As I sat with myself, it hit me just how furious I was inside. The thought of being rushed into "any old" job seemed completely backwards to me. It wasn't that I was scared to commit to a job, nor was it because I wanted to sit on my ass and relax all day instead. Then it slowly dawned on me what was going on inside. My passion furnace had exploded. That voice of intuition coupled with that vision of the future was kicking and screaming to become a reality in my being. It had to escape.

Today was the day that one of the most important lessons of my life had come into my existence. And it was very personal. My purpose in life is not to get comfortable in "any old" job. My purpose in life is not to just do enough labour to get by. NO. My purpose in life is to bring my music, my experience, and my teachings to the world. And yeah it sounds like such an obvious thing to say but the true lesson lies in the depth of the situation. This isn't just money and success were talking about. This is life or death. And I'm willing to bleed for that cause rather than betray myself and betray the many people in the future that my work will be able to help and support.

Today, shit got real. My life purpose got real. It's time to get to work, Liam. That kickass, rockstar future isn't going to make itself.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

"The Lost Soul"

Looking through some of my old computer files, I stumbled across a document with this title. It was written by myself in 2013. Around this time period, I was wallowing in deep depression over my inability to get by as a normal teenage kid (This is a teenager's writing, you have been warned). I don't even remember writing it, but the picture it paints of a frustrated teenager torn apart by his own emotions is a perfect representation of the person I once was over five years ago.

I'm going to post it here to give regular readers a taster of the kind of guy I once was. The whole tone of the writing is dramatically different to the one I adopt now but it was my genuine voice at the time: lacking in love and acceptance. Even the traces of hatred is something that I would never let myself amount to in the present day. This piece of writing expresses my bitterness about a mass friend rejection (which I called "The Betrayal") that I was on the receiving end of several years earlier. This completely fucked up my psychology and caused me to feel almost suicidal. Nevertheless, it inevitably made the person I am now.

I hope you find it an insightful read, as well as some more perspective about where I've come from.

-

Searching for Emotions

My life is fucked up. Quite honestly. The Betrayal (yes, it has a title now) caused me much pain, hence leaving this battered carcass of a man to fulfil the ambitious dreams of the lost soul, Liam Johnson. He's in there somewhere amongst the mutations of his mind. He just wants to escape. His body can't perform the tasks set by him. He just wants the opportunity to flourish once again like he did many years ago, back when life was happy. As a child, impossible tasks seemed like nothing. As a child, he played in his imaginary world full of mysterious creatures and devilish traps. I guess even back then I had a sense of the misery to come in the future without even knowing it. I must have foreseen somewhere the loneliness that would follow. But I like it that way. I'm used to it. What I don't like is the fact that I lost my confidence to do what I wanted in front of people. Thanks to The Betrayal of course. Every time the lost soul inside me spots an opportunity to escape, my fucked mind just keeps it at bay hoping not to ruin the quiet. I'm too modest. That came with The Betrayal too. I want to be free. Because there is nothing more annoying when I don't speak and someone steals my idea. In class, I mean. The worst one is in music with [Person A] because he's just like "oh yeah, I've been playing in this gig... I can tell you what chord you're playing without looking" and I'm just like "shut up dude!" I've been there done that! People aren't seeing my true potential and I'm sick of it. But every time I want to change I never do it. Not ever. It depresses me more when that happens.

I need people's love. That's my trouble. The teachers I have, the students I'm with... I want to be myself and not some mute with a hollow mind. I can imagine them behind my back just saying how much of a quiet and smug arsehole I am. But in my mind I know I'm not. This is why I'm fucked up. My mind thinks one thing but is contradicted by my actions. It's like I'm conscious inside another persons body.

I want friends. Well I mean, I want to have the freedom to joke around with someone and share stories. Of course I have [girlfriend] and the gang but (the gang at school!) I want to be more pally with everyone. But that's the problem: I've been with people like [friend A] and [friend B] for 4 years and I've missed out on all the inside jokes and the banter. All the funny stuff. For years I've been fake laughing and pretending to be interested, although I must be convincing since they have never stopped talking. But yeah, I don't want to be lonely. At all. Me and [girlfriend] were talking about this the other day. About how friends move on and you have to Carry on.

Ach! I think I've snapped out of it, I'm hearing Bonamassa in my head!

 That's another thing. My only [pro] that I can take from the Betrayal, but it is a good one: my extraordinary increase in musical skill. I'm proud that I have this amazing ability to "hear" music in times of silence. It's been a great comfort to me for the past four years. But sadly, it does have it's drawbacks. The main one being that I phase out into my musical paradise midway through conversations. It is definitely not a good thing in trying to rebuild my social structure again an all that. However, I'd much rather earn a living in music in honour of the fact that I can generate music from my head than trying to make friends with people who don't feel obliged to make friends with me.

Edited June 23, 2017 by Liam Johnson

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 173 | Fear Of Intuition

Theory: Not every intuitive idea that you receive will seem like the best idea for your own comfort, security, and pleasure. As a result, certain fears can arise in relation to intuition.

Applying it: Understand that the voice of intuition is a far more powerful voice of reasoning than logic and have faith that it will work in your favour.

 

Damn. This is something that always happens. Whenever an intuitive idea seems to be a little out of my comfort zone, I develop a certain amount of fear towards doing it. And every time this happens, I end up going on a destructive rampage (mentally speaking) rather than biting the bullet and going for it. Given the powerful intuitive urges that rushed into my field of consciousness yesterday, the fears have developed around them and my day has ended up being pretty unproductive. Not completely, but for the most part.

And it's going to sound real silly when I say that the intuitive urge I've been running from is purchasing a video camera and a few other recording bits and bobs. It's so stupid of me to even worry about such a thing. Maybe it's time to admit that I'm a bit too frugal with money. I hardly ever spend my money unless it's for food. I'm not too bothered about going on meals out, days out, nights out, etc. My money doesn't go towards these things like many other people in my neighbourhood. All I care about in life is enjoying the beauty AND just acing whatever I need to do.

Right now, I know I need to spend money on this recording gear because it looks like it's going to be the last investment (in a while) that's going to contribute to my career potential. My vision is clear and I'm sure that this action step is one of the many that will get me closer. My vision also doesn't focus just on the things I want to get out of life, but I see myself producing some amazing music which will inspire people far and wide in the future. I really want to inspire people with what's possible. But in order to do that, I must follow my intuitive impulses.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 174 | Learning and Creating, Actively and Passively

Theory: Different types of learning and creating lead to different results altogether.

Applying it: Figure out how many activities in your life involve "active learning" and "active creating." Consider forging a bias towards these behaviours to achieve the most desirable results.

 

So today, I made a pretty small checklist for myself of thorough tasks to do. Three of those things involved watching online lectures (see my second journal), each of which lasted around 45mins. Despite the fact that it totals up to around 2hrs 30mins of my entire day, I managed to watch all three. This means that when I can influence myself to be arsed to do something, I will happily learn that much in a day if necessary. Although it might mean that tomorrows task list might favour the more creative side. Time will tell.

A while ago, I remember learning about a concept called "passive learning" and "active learning." Although the definitions of these terms were presented to me in one way, I like to think of them as describing the energy that you bring to the task. "Passive" requires low energy (or low consciousness) and "active" meaning the opposite.

This could be used to describe both learning and creating. Whilst passive learning could consist of casually watching a TV program (there are always lessons to be learned in a TV show), active learning could consist of taking notes and doing exercises whilst watching a program specifically designed for educational purposes. Likewise, whilst passive creating could involve masturbating to some porn, active creating would involve actually going out to look for somebody to have sex with and eventually doing so.

I need to start a labelling game in my daily life to highlight which activities fall under which classification. If I can shift all of my efforts and focus onto the "active" spectrum, I will be able to do away with procrastination altogether (given that the fear component of procrastination can also be handled).

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 175 | The Machine Beyond The Mind

Theory: If the part of consciousness that houses thoughts, emotions, and imagination can be called "the mind," then there exists a "machine" which subconsciously works for the mind to fulfil its goals and desires. This knowledge can be used to bring success, creativity and happiness.

Applying it: First, directly experience the lesson to be learned. Then make the decision to feed your mind with purposeful decisions so that the 'machine' can work subconsciously on them, thereby ensuring their fulfilment.

 

As a musician, I do lots of practice. The reason why I can go hours and hours on practicing, or indeed any given task, is because I have full faith in my ability to fulfil my goals and promises. Although this mindset has been incredibly useful to me over the course of my life, it never really dawned on me what actually happens on a subconscious level in-between the moment where I set out to accomplish a goal and the moment I achieve it. I've heard about what happens intellectually but only today have I been able to directly experience it in my own life.

What it boils down to is this: the more you fill your conscious mind with goals for the future and the genuine faith that you can achieve it, the more cooperatively the subconscious mind will become in the pursuit of that goal. It seems to be the philosophy of Think And Grow Rich, the first chapter of Psycho-Cybernetics, and the whole deal with the law of attraction. However many times I've learned about this lesson intellectually, I must admit that it doesn't compare to directly experiencing it in my own life. This way, I can actually incorporate the lesson into my everyday life for good.

The way I directly experienced this lesson was on reflection of my practice routine when it comes to learning something new. Whether it be learning how to play a brand new musical passage, learning how to become a faster player, or whether it be a desire to create a new piece of music, I was somehow always able to achieve what I wanted. This is happening with a new guitar composition that was conceived yesterday. At the time the ideas were conceived, I was unable to perform the music because it was too fast. But by maintaining a desire to play the music, from that moment and through sleep until today, I suddenly found myself able to perform it with little strain.

During that waiting period where I maintained my desire to perform the new piece of music, I never laid a finger on the guitar. That's when I suddenly became aware of the subconscious process that was occurring which enabled me to perform. It almost feels like magic: the subconscious mind was busy finding neurological solutions to provide me with the ability to perform the music. Perhaps my biology is changing as a result of that! That's how powerful the subconscious mind really can be, then.

But yeah, I'm convinced that if I just replace standard music practice with any goal-related practice, I can accomplish pretty much any goal I want. The extra knowing that I've acquired provides me with even more faith in my ability because it's not wishy-washy. This stuff is real for me. I can do this.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 176 | Enjoy The Success

Theory: When you create success in your life, feel free to enjoy it for as long as possible. It's not a bad thing to genuinely feel excited and elated at your own successes.

Applying it: Understand the Upper Limit Problem and try to hang onto the positive energy for as long as possible.

 

As the title might suggest, I've managed to create some success recently. I applied to become a street busker at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and managed to receive six performance slots over the two weeks! The excitement was too hard to contain as the news came to me during a meditation session. I just laughed in joy over it for the remainder of the session. And it felt really good to just maintain that joy for a long period of time without letting my mind start to worry.

Thing is, there's plenty for my mind to worry about. I have no experience with busking full stop, let alone at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, it could possible open me up to rejection after rejection from passers-by, then there's the actual getting there from having performed a musical in the day time. The Facebook group for Fringe Festival street performers is filled with negativity in most cases, with some saying that it's a terrible place to earn any donations. But thanks to soaking up all the positive vibes, that stuff seems untouchable for the time being.

The main thing that I keep telling myself is that I'm not just "any old" performer, or "any old" busker. It's my belief that what I do is unique and pretty damn awesome. I don't know why I've never talked about that before because it's a whole other point. There is never a day where I pick up the guitar and feel amazed at the kind of music that I produce. Self-inspiring might be the word. And it's my belief that if I can inspire myself, then others will become inspired too. Not everyone, but definitely somebody.

That's what the positivity has done for me. It's eliminated worries and stresses. Although it may be harder to fend off these emotions when the actual time comes, I may be able to soften these things by remembering the joy that I received to perform in the first place.

 

Pick of the day: