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Thought Art

Realizing how young, foolish and underdeveloped I am

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Posted (edited)

There is an on going pattern I notice in myself, and suspect it is in others of thinking you are either far less, or far more developed than you are. Reality is so huge and complex I think apart from mastering my survival as I head into my mid/late 20's that the universe is going to beat me down until all my crappy short sighted and selfish or foolish actions, habits, beliefs are gone. I think that I am extremely humbled by reality.

I am maturing into what other people are, and how important they are to a good life. I used to think fame, success and artistic excellence was all that mattered.

I am putting drugs like psychedelics and marijuana into their right place. They are tool that if use sparingly, and with the right intention are powerful. I think I put to much focus on them thinking they either made me more creative, comfortable or would 'awaken me'. Which, happened in some ways. But, also my immature use of these tools I think was counterproductive. At least in some ways, in the short term. I realize that I need to go through my own unique lessons and failures to figure out reality for mysef.

I am moving through a painful process of evermore facing myself and my own self deceptions, limiting beliefs and foolish behaviours. My desire is to be a well rounded, well oiled machine that can partake in the social matrix in a way that is well grounded, and helps to benefit the lives of others. 

I am working on letting go of how I think life 'Should be' and am more embracing how it is. I can't strong arm and force the universe to make me Arcadefire, my favourite band or to turn myself into a rock star. I have proven that through hard work and applying concepts well I can get on stages, get good jobs, meet interesting people etc. However, at the close of my last chapter my blind spots lead to a lot of suffering failure, and destruction of important relationships. Which, have guilted me.

Basically, my last chapter in all my efforts resulted in more success than I initially thought possible, more lesson than I could have dreamed of and a very painful, humbling and confusing collapse and failure. I suppose our initial projects in our early 20's usually fail. And my work is still being shared by people and my showcases are still being run in my city even though I don't run them anymore, my ex has taken the idea and kept it going after I caught her cheating on me. I am glad to see my idea out there in the world actually thriving. Even though it hurts I am not a part of it.

I am ready for a new chapter, I have a lot of fear, self doubt, deceptions and mental distortion, beliefs etc to work through. 

In order to do that I have notice that I require more and more mastery, maturity, skills and experience. There is 10s of 1000's of hours of mastery ahead of me as I head along my life journey. I need to keep this boat heading straight and narrow. 

Edited by Thought Art

"Now here's the Sun and it's alright, Now here's the Moon and It's alright..But every-time you close your eyes... Lies" -Arcade Fire Rebellion

Personal Growth Vlog - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzVkdPNRrNT7SN1aoco2MdA

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Posted (edited)

@asifarahim Probably my 3rd or 4th year. I am 25, I started I think when I was 22 or 21?

My parents are not educated. My father did not graduate highschool, and my mother simply did a secretarial education. So, for me there is a lot of life skill and things that may be obvious to others that are not to me. I grew up around alcohol abuse and a lot of fighting and unharmious people. There is a deep shame system in my family as a whole. It's hard to trust people because of how I was programmed by my untrusting parents. Plus, I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I am overcoming it and working on it everyday but, I don't know what it's like to be say, Leo or someone who is sharper than me.

It's been interesting. I suspect over the next year things will settle down, and become more relaxed as I know more about myself and put all these tools I've been gathering to more proper use. Relaxed but active. I have a life to live.

By October I will have my accounting Diploma and Qigong Certification. I will be starting my own teaching business, getting into yoga studios and ideally corperate. I think a lot of people who work office jobs will be grateful to learn Qigong. I think by mastering my body, mind and finances I will be golden even though I think my initial LP might be out of reach. I sense new horizons are on the way.

I dream of running my own business and I think a lot of people can use more relaxation and body awareness that Qigong provides. There is so much stress people are holding in their bodies. 

Edited by Thought Art

"Now here's the Sun and it's alright, Now here's the Moon and It's alright..But every-time you close your eyes... Lies" -Arcade Fire Rebellion

Personal Growth Vlog - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzVkdPNRrNT7SN1aoco2MdA

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Self doubt is a common occurance.ur heart will be broke many times.never quit on self provement. after  5th or 6 th year things start getting amazing. U grow very rapidly that u will be amazed by yourself.exept spirituality nothing can fullfill u more than doing self help.

 

 

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