Fear of Sleep - Trip Report - 2g of Golden Teachers Psilocybin Magic Mushrooms

[ZenSwift]

>Notes with ">" are me commenting after the fact

>Also I cut out things that were just so useless that didn't add anything,

 

Mushroom Trip Report 005

 

January 3rd 2021

 

SIGNIFICANTLY less anxiety and fear for today's trip. Even though I'm probably getting an ego death today. 

 

2 grams of golden Teachers

 

Intention: Release of fear and trauma around my sleep

• Loss of consciousness
• Fear of the dark. Fear of entities in the dark. 
• Childhood trauma around negativity that was introduced to me around sleep. Where for my entire life I was scared to fall asleep. 
• Letting go of my Consciousness to fall asleep. 
• Letting go of my life to fall asleep. - Facing fear of death 
• It's also connected to my dad making me not feel safe. 

 

Taken at 4:21pm

 

10 mins

Feeling brain activation. 

 

20 mins

Feeling tired. I am slowly entering that dream state.

Pupils dilated. 

Getting pretty "drunk". 

 

25 mins

See the pigment in my hands

Feeling the "shroom zone".

 

Need to charge my phone. Stuff moving. 

I have to build the skill of tripping with intent because right now I'm hella avoiding it by boosting my state. 

 

32 mins

Here comes the yawns. 

 

39 mins

Serious body high

Its kicking in NOW! 

 

I was never shown the positive way to sleep. I always slept with fear.

 

Reality isn't scary, it's just my projections with it.

>Reality is a moot point, it's your projections onto it that make you fear it. 

 

I might need to sleep on the floor to feel safe.

 

We have consciousness with a body because if we were just experiencing a reality without a body it would be groundless and infinite. I'm giving this body to be grounded in it otherwise it's just a fucking soup, a soupy mess. 

 

I'm just scared of reality.

 

I really need to spend time contemplating deeper before my trip.

 

Falling asleep and waking up and then falling asleep again. That's just life. It's just reality. There's nothing to fear.

 

I'm ready for a higher dose.

 

There is nothing in the dark. My mind just created something in the dark so it doesn't feel alone. 

 

All I need is to feel comfy in the dark and I'm good.

 

Getting rid of your ego is like ridding yourself of venom. (Like in Spiderman 3)

 

Clarity 

You need clarity to make sure you spend your life right. You worry about going to sleep because it's only A Hard Day's Work that gives a blessed rest.

If you spent your time right, you would sleep well. But in order to spend your time right you have to be clear about what you're spending your time on, because if you're not clear about what you're doing and why you're doing it then; how can you know if you spent your time right, furthermore how could you know you spent your life right?

Clarity 

You need clarity to make sure you spend your life right. You worry about going to sleep because it's only A Hard Day's Work that gives a blessed rest.

If you spent your time right, you would sleep well. But in order to spend your time right you have to be clear about what you're spending your time on, because if you're not clear about what you're doing and why you're doing it then; how can you know if you spent your time right, furthermore how could you know you spent your life right?

 

Having Clarity allows you to spend your life right. 

 

I really need to feel good in my body all the time. Because when I don't feel good in my body, my life just blows. I need to exercise and put the right foods in my body that will make me feel good all day everyday.

 

I really need to cultivate self respect in putting effort into making a goddamn salad. Just make the salad for myself. Yeah it's going to be more difficult than putting pizza in the microwave but it's worth it for your body. And for your everyday waking consciousness through every hour of the day. 

 

Ego deaths are fucking amazing. 

They're the best. 

>Not sure if I had an ego death, but i definetly faced my fear here and had a wiping of fear.

Open the window more to get fresh air more often. Like when you read this, open the window. 

My mind projects scary entities in the dark so I won't feel so alone. Google "The ring girl" from the movie "The ring". This is the entity. 

 

I am the shadow work Demon.

>I think I'm getting good at shadow work.

I think one of the best ways to guide me in my shadow work is to make the situation real and present in the moment and have constant reminders literally every 10 seconds. 

 

It doesn't even cross my mind anymore to think about the dark. 

 

My ego died for several hours on that trip. 

Ego dead 

>I think.

 

 

Post Trip Report (Made like a day after)

In the middle of the trip I lost my mind for like a couple hours

 

My relationship with the dark has completely shifted.

Now I look in the dark and see nothing, and don't think much about it. However the day after those mysterious entities in the dark has just been personified to that girl, so now I just look for that girl. But that should pass. Hopefully! But if I do see her or encounter her presence, I'm going to have to give her a big hug and my love. (Because what else am I gonna do?)

 

My relationship with sleep has completely shifted. 

 

Now I just go to sleep when I want to, I lie my head, close my eyes and patiently wait for me to fall asleep. 

 

These shifts are herculean shifts for me as for my entire life I've been terrorized of going to sleep. 

 

This is probably the pinnacle of all Shadow work I've done. 

 

I was so afraid of the dark that I would have to have a light on just to move around. Because if the light was off then something dark and scary could have threatened me. Logic being if I can see what was going on then nothing can hurt me. Now my relationship to light has completely changed where I only turn the light on if I really can't see where the hell I'm going. It's an OPTION now whether or not I turn the light on or off. Before it wasn't an option, the light had to be on OR ELSE I was scared of the dark. I could not move around unless it was lit up with light. I probably think I'm going to want to do another trip with the same intention around fear of the dark to really extinguish it, but this trip has dramatically changed a lot for me. Anxiety that was a 9/10 has went down to 1/10.

 

As I do more and more Shadow work, the more I believe that: what happens in your life are the insights you are "sentenced with having". Reality is always taking you to school. And your Shadow work is your homework. 

 

I also recognized the impotence of clarity. The need to stress clarity to the point that I know exactly what to do.

 

Edited July 23, 2021 by ZenSwift
Changed title.

[ZenSwift]

@Bandman

I would say that there has been a permanent shift. 

I should also note that I am no longer sleeping in the same room, so that's a factor,the environment change. 

Also, nowadays I also am just so tired from working so much that I sleep faster than I can predict.

 

But yeah, I do feel a huge desensitization to the dark, and also going to sleep. A permenant healing to the fear.

 

Significant fear was faced on that trip.

[ZenSwift]

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