Lost On What My Life Purpose Is - Advice Please!

[Ross Labby]

Hi, so last year I made a post surrounding life purpose and how the variety of choices have been making it stressful and confusing for me as I'm having a hard time deciding. In that post, I said that I will need to figure things out. So cut to now and I am currently doing Leo's Life Purpose Course a second time. As of now, I am currently in the "Finding Your Life Purpose" section. When I completed the course the first time, I thought that I had done it well, and basically came to the conclusion that my life purpose was in the realms of music. However, over time I've been second-guessing myself on whether it's really my true passion and if I like it as much as I think I do. Essentially this reason led me to retake the course again so that I could see if it was true or if it is something else. In this post, there are a few points that I will make regarding this situation (of finding my life purpose) and will ask questions and hopefully receive some advice to help me navigate this situation better. First is about the path of music and whether it really is my passion and if I'm just doubting it or whether I'm just holding onto it because of fear and unwillingness to let go. Second is the variety of other interests that I have including film, comedy, and etc. The third is the constant struggle of identifying athletics as my calling or whether it is just my anxiety and ocd messing with me.

Ever since I have decided upon my life purpose being music when I first completed the course, I have been making music and have gone to a 1-year college program regarding music. I enjoy making music on logic pro (mostly composing), writing lyrics, singing, conveying emotions through sound and conveying themes through lyrics. Also, for a long time, I've been wanting to perform live music with a band. However, due to covid, I'd have to wait a bit until restrictions lift if I wanted to pursue this. Although, my biggest obstacle to pursuing music is with regards to my brother. Now I'm not casting blame on him, it's just there are a few reasons I have as to why I'm doubting myself. First off, he listens to way more music than me (like a few albums per day), while I sometimes don't even listen to music during the day. Also, another reason is that he usually brings up music as a topic for conversation, which I tend to find boring and irritating. And the reason for this I think is that it's boring and shallow. For example, he'll say he listened to a new album or talk about the production aspects of an album, which is just redundant to me; This has literally been a topic of conversation with us for years, as all we talk about is just art. This tends to make me feel guilty since at the moment music is my life purpose yet I find talking about music at times boring and don't listen to a lot of new music. A part of me thinks it could be jealously towards him since he's more musically educated, but I'm not quite sure. However, when it comes to conversation, I guess I'm more interested in talking about more substantive things about the world rather than minuscule technical things. I could be losing interest in music, but I still love making music and have many ideas of what I could do if it were my life purpose.

The next point is the fact that I have many other interests besides music including film, comedy, and podcasting. Sometimes my interests and tastes will shift in a 180 direction. Even though it still could be music, I do feel like these other options are legit as well. Over the course of the past year, I've been watching a lot of comedy podcasts and some standup. This has piqued my interest in comedy as I love to laugh and make others laugh as well. However, I'm still not sure if this would be enough to fulfill me as I would want to create deep work and I feel that comedy can be shallow at times. Filmmaking and directing is also another interest that I find fascinating and fun as I have made short films in the past. I love to tell and write stories and convey ideas through visuals and having a visual style as well. Additionally, in terms of making films, I enjoy the process of writing a movie's story, filming, and editing the movie in post. As well, I like collaborating with others as we get to exchange ideas and have fun while on set. Another interest of mine is podcasting. Now this one isn't necessarily something that would completely fulfill my life purpose but could be part of it. After all, I do love having deep conversations with others and talking about metaphysical, political, and creative topics/ideas. 

Lastly, is the dilemma regarding my struggles with figuring out whether athletics is my true life purpose or merely just anxiety and my ocd messing with my head. Now for those of you who may have read some of my previous posts, I have struggled with this situation since the first time I was doing the course. However, now I have possibly gotten more insight and clarity or am just confusing myself more. So usually when it comes to me thinking about my life purpose options, it's usually around music, film, comedy and such. However, sometimes the athletics thought will come into my head and will make me anxious. The reason why it makes me anxious and sometimes feeling dread is that even though I used to be athletic when I was younger, I have since separated myself from that identity, and am more "artsy" now I guess. I guess I fear that what if I really am meant to be an athlete and the whole art thing is just a facade and is not really authentic and that I have just been suppressing this athletic side of me for a long time. About a month ago, this situation was nagging me and for the first time I finally just accepted it as a possibility and I noticed the fear and dread disappear and was replaced with calm and clarity. This has happened a few more times as it had come up and I just accepted it and it felt real and true. However, the idea of this being a real and true kind scares me since I know it would be emotionally difficult for me to pursue a life purpose in athletics and having to change my identity into something that I've suppressed for a while. Another thing is that I was recently watching some of the Stanley Cup playoffs because my favourite team was in. I noticed when I first started watching it felt uncomfortable for me since I felt weird for actually enjoying it. After this, I started feeling a little more comfortable with the idea. However, I still fear it as I know it would be an uncomfortable change and am still unsure whether this should actually be my life purpose. Even though I consciously may not want this, I feel like there is a subconscious part of me that craves it, and I can feel it. However, as I said before, part of me believes that this could be ocd. I do struggle with ocd and intrusive thoughts and know that ocd can make me obsess over things and sometimes give me false feelings, so it can be hard for me to tell. Although, this could just be me making an excuse and athletics could be the real thing. Here's the thing, if I were to pursue athletics as a life purpose, I feel like there would be no impact, which I know Leo has touched on with regards to sports and I agree. I think the big thing that I am struggling with is that I feel a war waging in my head. A part of me wants to pursue a creative craft, while another part of me wants to be more kinesthetic and athletic. Mentally it makes more sense for me to pursue something in the arts, but something else (maybe intuition) is telling me sports.

I know this is a long post, and I'm sorry for my rambling, but I really needed to just get this out. Maybe it is obvious to whoever's reading this, that I am deceiving myself in one way or another, but I would like you guys to be completely straight up with me if you have any advice or possible truths that you have observed. Here are some questions I have for yall. Do you think that music is still my passion and that I may be jealous of my brother and doubting myself or do you think that I am clearly losing interest in this field and should move on? Is athletics my real passion and am I just deceiving myself that it isn't and that I'm afraid or is this just ocd and myself overthinking? Should I pursue something else like comedy or film and maybe do small bets? What should I do and how should I go about things? Any advice or thoughts on these matters would be truly appreciated and needed. I hope to hear your thoughts and opinions.

Thank you

 

 

Edited July 16, 2021 by Ross Labby
Grammar fixes

[flowboy]

Sounds like you would benefit by strengthening your intuition.

You can do this by:

• Meditating
• Shamanic breathing, 30 minutes (check the vid)
• Training your intuition with experience. Letting go of the perfect choice, and just pick something to move forward on, and then see how that feels. If you pick the wrong thing, and then pivot, you'll still find the right thing before the alternative person who just sits and overanalyzes things like you are currently doing, will even get started.

I recommend you do all three, and this problem will melt away.

Edited July 16, 2021 by flowboy

[Ross Labby]

@flowboy Thank you for the advice! Means a lot

I do have a meditation practice, but for the past couple of years, I haven't been taking it as seriously as when I had started. So I know I must meditate more seriously. I've tried shamanic breathing and have watched Leo's video on it. The practice is definitely a powerful one, which I would like to try out again.

I feel like my biggest issue with regards to realizing my life purpose is listening to my intuition. Yes, I agree that I have to train my intuition more. I think the problem that I have with this is that I tend to overthink a lot when it comes to making important decisions like these. I think too much and have a hard time just being present and listening to what my intuition has to say; The reason why I don't do this I believe is that I am scared of what possible truths will be revealed to me (some that I may not like). Also, as I said before, I struggle with ocd and deal with intrusive thoughts and anxiety a lot. I feel like this makes the process of finding my life purpose more difficult as it is hard to identify whether I am perceiving intuition or intrusive thoughts/anxious thoughts.

You are right though, I should probably try out all of these things and see which one clicks best and then go from there. Currently I am making music, I'm writing ideas for a short film with my buddy now, so at least this is a start. I would like to play sports again to see if I really do like it and I should try writing some jokes for comedy possibly. I know it might seem weird to have made this post when I just started the Finding your life purpose section in the life purpose course, but the reason I wrote it is that I feel unsure whether the answers that I am giving in the course are authentic or not, and I just wanted to see what yall thought of my situation.

Anyways, thanks again for the helpful tips, I appreciate it!  

 

[Matt23]

Have you thought of things that combine art and athletics?  Like dance, martial arts, performing, circus stuff, gymnastics, etc.