Understanding Men

[Preety_India]

Will add journal notes. Exploration.

[Preety_India]

Let's see how much I really understand men and how much I pretend to.

 

[Preety_India]

Learning a few bits here and there.

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Just say you don't want sex/romance/relationship.

I usually tell that I already have a boyfriend even if I don't. That kinda works at least some of the time.

Other times I say that I'm not exactly ready or mentally prepared for a relationship.

Yesterday I was on a dating site, and I rejected 10 dudes. Told them I'm looking for something better 

It's easier to reject strangers.

But if the guy is a friend, he's gonna be a bit butthurt.

I can't help with it if he is hurt. His moral responsibility to act like a man and take rejection.

 

And if the guy is offended by my rejection and holds a grudge, chances are he isn't going to be a good friend anyway, so losing him is no big deal 

A good friend understands and cares.

I don't need to walk on eggshells to please him ?!

He just wasn't meant to be a good friend if he makes a big deal out of something that I'm not ready for.

 

 

Sayonara to such people.

 

 

 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Most guys don't want to be friends because they want pussy 

You can't expect them to want to be friends because they don't operate on the same frequency.

Plus they have their own bunch of guy friends who they hang out with.

So they don't feel they need a woman to fulfill the friend side.

However they are lusting for sex because that's a part they don't get easily so if they are interested in a girl then their first thought is not friendship but romance 

They want their romantic side fulfilled and they need a nearby chick to do that job for them. 

Else they don't have much to get out of her that they won't get in other ways with their guy friends 

 

 

53 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Gianna A  guy(generally flirty guy ) will never be your friend because since you look good, he will always want to fuck you 

But sometimes some girly Kind of men who are a bit feminine and usually hang out with girls in groups, those type of guys can easily become your friend. Because they are sexually safe, you know what I mean, they will not harass you for sex.

You have to focus on the type of guy you are talking to.

Most guys who approach with a flirty liner like "you look amazing" or " I like so and so about you." That's already an indication that the guy is trying to get near you sexually/romantically.

So you'll need to kinda straight up reject by not being afraid to be rude. He will get it and he will walk away.

Now the guys who are friend material, they will not walk away and if you show them that you want to be friends then they will keep that friendship and not pressure you anymore.

Now coming to the question of masculine energy 

I also wanted tons and tons of masculine energy. But I got it from ex boyfriends and current dates aka romantic guys 

Because you won't find masculine energy in a guy who is your friend because he will give you feminine energy.. .since only feminine guys want to be truly friends with a girl. A masculine guy who is being a nice friend to you either already has a girlfriend/married or is hiding the fact that he got feelings for you and kinda fooling you. 

Most guys who hang out with girls are feminine guys and they will not give masculine energy.

It's extremely rare to get a guy who doesn't feel sexual but is also loading you with masculine energy.

A man's masculine energy is ignited when he develops passion for a woman, that's when he is ready to give it to her, otherwise his energy remains stagnant and passive.

For masculine energy you'll need a boyfriend or a date or a casual guy that you hang out with and sometimes have sex/intimacy with.

It's hard for men to sit with a pretty girl, be a nice friend to her and also keep controlling themselves all the time, it's like a punishment for them to keep holding their feelings and instincts inside and keep acting like they aren't sexual, that would be unnecessary pretense and that's why guys don't invest their time in that kind of a thing 

For most men a woman is either a stranger or a "interest girl."

 

 

24 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 Men are not very transactional with other men.

For some unknown ungodly reason, men are very transactional with women.

So they have a deal going in their mind when they see a woman 

So a man who is kinda flirty and friends with you will ask himself ,"wait a minute, she is my friend, I'm also giving her my masculine energy, but what am I getting in return, NO SEX ?? Hmm, this doesn't look like a good deal.  I'm not going to be a donkey. What am I gaining here by giving this woman what she wants. "  They kinda feel they are being stupid and "fooled" if they are not getting sex in this transaction. It's a loss and a waste of time for them and also they feel they are being fooled.. they might even think that the woman is being selfish by asking masculine energy but not giving sex in return. They can't say yes to this deal.

Also men feel a bit cucked if they are being a nice friend to a good looking woman. Because it means facing the prospect that she will date another guy in the future. This hurts their pride and self esteem. Because they have to watch you describe your boyfriend to them and you'll be praising your boyfriend, it will make them jealous, they are being friends with a girl who they will not have yet they will know she is sleeping with her boyfriend so they feel a bit defeated or cucked, because it means the boyfriend is a better man.

A woman will also act in similar fashion. She will not be friends with a very hot man because she wants him as a boyfriend. Now if he is asking her to be a friend, it's like an insult, and on top of that she will see him hugging his girlfriend and she might feel insecure, jealous or feel like she has been out competed by the man's girlfriend..this can hurt her ego as she had set her eyes on this guy. So she won't want to be friends with him.

With the opposite sex there is a problem of rivalry or competition.

They don't want to feel like someone got the pie out of their hands.

They don't want to see their friend with the friend's lover because it gives a feeling of "cucked.".

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I liked this answer.

No, we are.

We size each other up all the time, and to a greater degree than we do with women.

How fun is he to be around

Can he physically defend himself

Is he cool around women

Does he have good social skill

Does he present himself well

Is he smart 

ect. I could go on all day.

 

 

[Preety_India]

This is a good description of how men are with other men.

It says a lot about male psychology.

 

 minutes ago, Iksander said:

@Gianna We have to be transactional with other men at first. We need to understand what each of us brings to the table.

 

For example If I choose to go to the club with a guy that's creepy around girls, It will fuck up my night.

If I choose to be friends with a guy that let's other people push him around it will put me in awkward situations where I have to keep defending him like he's my girlfriend. No thankyou.

If he can't defend himself if we get into a dangerous situation then I am at a disadvantage.

If he has emotionally issues I may get dragged into drama that I don't want to be part of.

The list goes on

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Lucas-fgm   

Lucas-fgm

Member

172 posts

Posted 2 minutes ago · 

 

  9 minutes ago, Gianna said:

What's wrong with you guys?! There's so much to be learned from women.. as friends. You'll get the inside scoop.  

 

I rather learn from some girlfriend. Being friends with an attractive woman will only bring me headaches.

 

And have so much stuff to do in life. I really don't have time to pretend to be friends with a girl while what I really want is fuck her.

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Iksander   

Member

91 posts

Posted 8 minutes ago (edited) · 

@Gianna No we won't get the inside scoop. At least not the one we want (haha) 

 

What we will get is a load of crap like 'just tell her how you feel' or words that make us 'feel good' 

Girls are nice. Simply from reading this thread I can see you are a nice girl. BUT you would give me awful advice on how to attract women. Partly because so many women don't even know what they want, they just know when something FEELS good, they like it. 

 

The best phrase is 'If you want to catch a fish, don't ask a fish how to catch it. Ask a fisherman' 

Edited 7 minutes ago by Iksander

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Lucas-fgm   

Member

173 posts

Posted 12 minutes ago · 

  19 minutes ago, Gianna said:

What's wrong with you guys?! There's so much to be learned from women.. as friends. You'll get the inside scoop.  

I rather learn from some girlfriend. Being friends with an attractive woman will only bring me headaches.

And have so much stuff to do in life. I really don't have time to pretend to be friends with a girl while what I really want is fuck her.

[Preety_India]

So I found this to be the best statement to use when it comes to rejecting men politely.

"Sorry, I just have very specific criteria for what I want in a partner, which is probably why I'm still single, but you just don't fit those criteria, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it just means you're not my type, and I would really appreciate if you could respect that and just keep being friends". 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm also going to talk about the men that I'm currently looking to date. 

I'll look at different aspects that go wrong while dating them or before arranging a date 

 

[Preety_India]

Cancelling a date 

 

In the month of February this year, I had applied on an online dating platform to seek a future life partner. 

I had been approached by a guy. 

My family thought he was decent. 

So I began talking to him.. 

At first he was too keen about horoscope matching. 

I like zodiac matching stuff but I'm not too hardcore with it.. 

I found that he was too keen about astrology. 

He also talked a lot with my family and less with me 

 

I felt like something about him was off.. 

I cancelled a date with him. 

 

So I rejected him. 

I recently got in touch with him again when I saw a birthday wish message from him

So I replied him a thank you. 

We started talking again and I expressed a desire to take things further. 

He told me that I need to wait a pretty long time to marry him. 

I was a bit incensed by that. 

Long time?

Why would he want to wait?

I'm done with guys who come up with all sorts of excuses for the final question. 

I had a  brief argument with him after which he said that we aren't a good match. 

He declined me. 

Basically he told me that I could look for some other guy. 

I was like..... Ok fine. 

 

His rejection did hurt me. 

Yet I felt like it was right to go separate ways if we couldn't come to an agreement on basic stuff. 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 13, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Yesterday I got many matches 

 

So I'm on this dating site looking for a long term relationship or marriage. 

And yesterday I got many matches. 

I was having a headache So I didn't have time to sort through them. 

Also it felt like a lot of guys were pressuring me to marry them. 

 

It didn't feel good. 

 

Just too much competitiveness. 

 

I want to take it slow but these guys want it fast. 

Too much desperation is how I felt about it all. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Dealing with men can be a very exhausting process. 

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. 

Saying no to a date is so effortless 

 

I'm become used to saying no. 

 

Saying yes to a date means thinking about a million different things. 

 

 

The one thing that always comes to my mind when I think of a man now is that I don't want another heartbreak. 

 

Just like a man doesn't want another rejection. 

 

 

The most dreadful thing in my mind about dating a man is the word "heartbreak "

 

I'm so done with the drama of relationships. 

Why can't someone just be okay???

 

I think some of it is my fault that I need to analyze and confront. 

 

Let's look at my past relationships

4 of them. 

 

1st was SHT

- He was a  proper Chad and my first boyfriend. It was my shortest relationship and I dumped him very quickly because I realized that he wanted polygamous relationships. 

I wanted monogamy.  

 

2nd was Mr Bud

This guy was the typical manipulative nice guy. 

He would effortlessly make himself look like Mr Nice. 

In the end he turned out to be a scoundrel. 

Took my money and fled. 

When my family contacted him, he had disappeared. 

He was a total loser.. 

 

 

3rd was Joseph 

Joseph was the soul of my heart.  

I had never fallen in love this way. Never before. 

The love I had for Joseph was eternal 

 

We were like chicken feathers to tar.  Simply inseparable. 

I suffered tremendous level of abuse in this relationship because he was a total narcissist. 

I won't say that he was evil.. In fact he still misses me. 

But he had a huge mental deficit and a complex of personality disorders like PTSD,  Bipolar Disorder,  and NPD. 

His both parents were narcissists and they had abandoned him

 

His parents cheated on each other. 

In the end of our long relationship, he cheated on me.  I have no idea how many times he might have cheated. 

Although he had cheated on his ex girlfriends, I still wanted to trust him and give him a chance. 

In the end I left him because  I wasn't going to put up with his cheating. 

 

 

 

4th was Andrew 

Andrew was okayish and we got along well for a while but the relationship fizzled because Joseph would constantly interfere. 

He wasn't ready to let me go. 

And I wasn't fully able to get over him

 

This created tension and rift between me and Andrew. 

Andrew would often give me a cold shoulder treatment. 

He was a bit egotistical and impulsive. 

I had to cut off with him because I felt it was a mistake to have him when I still couldn't completely forget Joseph. 

Sadly I decided to break up with him for my peace of mind. 

 

 

 

 

 

Analyzing these relationships -

 

I think most of the guys I had a relationship with were "drama" guys. 

That's the first indication that they aren't good for a long term relationship. 

I should look for simple men who don't create too much fuss,  get along easily and I don't need to think too much when I am around them. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Guys shouldn't be so hard to figure out,  should they?

 

First I should know what I really want in a relationship. 

 

Secondly I should know what I need to screen for and what kind of men would be more compatible to my nature. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

First I should know what I really want in a relationship. 

What do I really want?

• High agreeableness 
• Free and open communication..... A guy who is being stiff/hidden/abruptly ending communication /closed off/cold/hiding details.... Sorry no thanks.  Such guys only complicate matters. Because they don't help with resolution. Nor are the super argumentative ones because they easily want to dominate the narrative.  It's hard to make them understand nuances because they act too obstinate and egoistical.  It's hard to make them listen. 
• Loyalty.... Absolutely no cheating. 
• Monogamy.  My agenda is monogamy.  No polygamy for me. I never understood this whole open relationship bullshit. 
• Dependability.  I want to be able to trust him.. Emotional safety is key. So if he is friendly with me then unfriendly with me then friendly once again then unfriendly once again, that's not creating emotional  trust/safety and or dependability. 
• Leadership - he needs to know how to take charge in a situation.  Obviously if he is going to be a dad tomorrow, he needs this trait absolutely. 
• Generosity with affection - I don't like guys who hold back affection out of ego reasons.. That's like depriving someone. 
• Easy to get along..... He should be easy to get along.  Not someone who gives me a headache over petty issues.  I'm not a petty person at all.  I get super angry when someone makes a big deal with petty things. For example deciding a restaurant. I mean what's the big deal.  If a guy is going to make a big deal out of a restaurant,  im going to "no thanks. Screw you. "

 

 

 

 

Edited July 13, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

Guys shouldn't be so hard to figure out,  should they?

 

This is the golden line in my description. 

 

This line tells it all. 

A man shouldn't be a mystery. 

If he acts like he is a mystery,  it should be time for me to pack my bags. 

 

I'm so done with the drama guys. 

Once you know a guy is creating unnecessary drama rather than saying /doing what he needs to do,  just flake  on them. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

Stay away from narcissists

 

 

[Preety_India]