Turning into devil. Someone has to?

[Zedman]

Dear God,

It's been 8 months since my awakening. This is when i knew. This is when spirituality became a fact.

A lot of work has been done but the kickback... I cant!

I am sure I am not the only one. Give me advise.

What to DO if i am stuck in between?

Leo, many like me need advise. You are running too far ahead. In particular I need to know how to combine self-development with spirituality. So far its been farce  dealing with both at once!

TLDR; Ego kickback so bad I am getting bad ideas... No not suicide, instead its zen-devilry...is it the fate of this body?

Respecfully,

You

Edited July 9, 2021 by Zedman

[Snuitje]

Ego backlashes are bound to happen, don't worry about it. Many more will come. It's sometimes 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. And then you make a jump, 4 steps backward, 2 steps forward etc.

[JosephKnecht]

Find Joy in the NOW! 

2 hours ago, Zedman said:

In particular I need to know how to combine self-development with spirituality.

You have to construct a healthy self before you deconstruct it with spirituality. 

Focus on your self-development until you you are happy with the person you will become. 

Enlightenment is not going anywhere. But first, get the basics right. 

[Moksha]

It is a common misunderstanding that awakening solves all suffering. It doesn't. There are many awakenings, each taking you a step closer to fully realizing your ultimate nature. In my experience, the deeper the awakening, the more severe the backlash. The ego doesn't go down without a long, bloody fight.

Spirituality is not just epiphanies. It is integrating those epiphanies into your daily life, until you develop the spiritual muscle to remain present in every moment, no matter how turbulent life becomes.

Meditation and conscious integration, when diligently applied, will do that.