Daily Emotional State

[Preety_India]

Today I was thinking about the hospital environment. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I want to help people in hospices.

I want to be there.

Sailboats and coconuts wouldn’t help me!
I am at the top of the extreme claustrophobic scale. I require IV sedation
to even get near an MRI machine. I have even jumped out of a CAT scan machine quickly remove my jacket and fan myself! Major panic!
I told the technician I thought it would be a GREAT idea for the hospital to have some sort of program where a person  can come in and check out the machine. A time where no scans are scheduled and the stress is off. Let us take our time and try conditioning ourselves to the fact the machine is not going to bury us alive. Let us crawl in a little bit, take in the feeling, come out. Think about it, then try going back in… Something like that may help me with my condition… in the end a program like I mentioned would save the  revenue and assist others  by allowing them needed time in the MRI…

I became uncomfortable at one of my MRI experiences several years ago and aborted it. Fortunately, the area has another larger machine at its facility. However, I also found that keeping my eyes closed during CT Scans and MRI’s enabled me to calm my mind and block the claustrophobic feelings of being encapsulated. Takes a bit of mental discipline, but it can be done. The configuration of this new machine should help patients to overcome the anxiety.

 

[Preety_India]

Will that create any problems for others?

Is a question you need to ask yourself as many times as you can ?

 

[Preety_India]

I took care of many of the people though

[Preety_India]

Good message.

 

 

[Preety_India]

This.

I know it's hard though

 

[Preety_India]

Feeling stupid and nervous 

 

Somehow I have relented and realised that the best option is to simply let go and escape a destructive environment.

Don't be afraid. Don't lose hope 

A new day will come when things will be alright..this is just another learning lesson. if there is a problem, there is also a solution to the problem.I need to be fully in charge of my Emotional health Back when I was still having my relationship with Joseph last year I was very very Emotionally disturbed and off track unable to focus on anything at all, battling PTSD and symptoms of depression.There was nothing I could do because Joseph was around me all the time constantly yelling at me.It was a super confusing period of my life and I had nowhere to turn to and I always thought our relationship will get better but he wouldn't ever calm down.Joseph had anger issues. Only later I found out that he even had violence issues through his ex wife.I would say it's impossible to know how a man is going to be in the beginning. It's super confusing because he is super nice. He is always on his best behavior to get me to want him. Now when I look back I feel very embarrassed as to why I chose him to be my boyfriend..the relationship ate a huge portion of my life, starting 2017 to late 2020. It consumed a lot of my life. It was the biggest learning lesson to never waste your precious life in the name of love and alll these love stories like the movie Titanic are extremely misleading for the younger generation. I remember watching this movie in 2010 sneakily at a friend's house because my parents wouldn't let me watch a romantic movie because I was just a teen then, also the time when my father died , not the exact year but around that time, so I watched this movie with an adult friend and it really created feelings about love and passion in me. I internalized how movies defined the concept of love, something that young people of my age do all the time. It can be a shock when reality hits you in the face and tells you a different story. It's really not all rosy and it's too late when you realise that IRL love is nothing like in the movies. The movie has an agenda to pander to public emotions. IRL there are way too many fights, disagreements, arguments, stress, aggression in relationships. Stuff which is never shown in the movies. Stuff that you gotta figure out yourself. A lot of psychoemotional processing and baggage processing that you need to do in order to have an iota of stability in your life, to be able to just relax and warm up to face new challenges. Till then there is a kot of suffering. It's not a bed of roses. And what do you live life for ? To be happy. Every passing year is a reminder that life is too short and must be lived in the safest and best way. You have to forget the wisdom that you could have had in a situation in the past and live the wisdom that is needed in the present. Regret is inevitable but these ups and downs, although not appreciated if they are too many, they are key to bigger changes in consciousness, they are a gateway to become a more wholesome enriched person, these experiences even if they are bad are intensely valuable, they make you who you are, they tell you what's important, they tell you where you went wrong and what could have been prevented, one way of making the best of your mistakes is to learn and integrate and never repeat the same mistakes again. And not even similar mistakes. Look out for the traps. Yes you feel stupid but even the stupidest person has to learn some day. 

[Preety_India]

 

Throughout this month my Emotional goals would be 

• Taking notes
• Keeping a track on my progress. I'm lagging behind my goals quite a lot 
• PSYCHOEMOTIONAL PROCESSING...lots to unpack on what's hurting me
• Mostly chilling 
• Working out an LP for the future
• Learning abt Islam of course
• Closing off a little bit for the sake of privacy
• Taking full responsibility for my Emotional health
• Taking care of my health and self love... although it feels like it's too late 
• Guiding others if they need my help
• Being self aware and exploring my emotions from time to time 
• Expressing my emotions succinctly. This is hard because I'm an introvert. Every time I write about my emotions, I manage to write only a single line when there's an awful lot to write about. The expression just doesn't happen unless I really force myself. 
• Long road to Emotional maturity

 

[Preety_India]

Yes I'm going to spend a majority of my time taking notes and realising things. 

It's an excellent way of learning new things.

Also I'm going to be very gentle.this will give me greater room for Emotional maturity 

Calling a jihad on everything is not going to work.

 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel depressed again. I feel like giving up 

 

[Preety_India]

So how are you feeling today?