StarStruck

Pickup Express

186 posts in this topic

There is some idiot on this forum who is proud that he can get girls purely based on his financial position and he is proud on that. So you really have to depend on money to get something? ???????


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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4 minutes ago, Striving for more said:

Sickk!

Appreciate it!


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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Posted (edited)

I came across this video

The guy gives horrible advice to this 25 year old virgin. It is interesting to watch noobies. There are a lot of lessons in here:

  • Notice how the guy is doing, doing, doing, pushing, pushing, pushing. He doesn't give the opportunity to the lady to invest back in the conversation. This goes back to doing versus being. Something I talked about in my journal so I won't repeat it. 
  • This guy needs to meditate. He is way in his head. The guy who is trying to help him gives him surface level advice about what he should say. He doesn't understand the guy's problem. If they did some pranayamas together and told him to let fucking go, have outcome independence, just enjoy and just chill the fuck out, he would perform much better
  • Notice how girls are either weirded out. Being weird about talking to a girl is as weird as being weird about giving people handshakes. Some girls are being nice but that is out of kindness. There is no emotional connection being developed. 
  • The guy is shut off from his body. He is in his head. If he was in touch with his body and felt emotions, the girl would feel safe and feel emotions too and and emotional connection would start to develop. Again: girls love a guy who can express emotions, this is one of the most important lessons I learned. Just talk about your emotions. Talk about how awful the coffee was you had this morning by sharing your emotional experience. It is really that simple but the need guys are way too much in their heads. 
  • This dude needs to be more in touch with his emotions and just say what he wants. Letting go of control and just having trust in the process. I do get why he doesn't have these things. He explains it in the beginning of the video. 

 

If I were to coach this guy I would fix his problems in this order:

  1. Developing trust in himself, abundance mindset 
  2. Letting become aware of his emotions and letting go of these emotions so he can fucking relax
  3. Letting go of control aka have outcome independence 

 

Edited by StarStruck

My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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Giving context during opening is important. I forget doing this. 


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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18 hours ago, StarStruck said:

There is some idiot on this forum who is proud that he can get girls purely based on his financial position and he is proud on that. So you really have to depend on money to get something? ???????

Depending on money to get girls is such a pathetic way of getting girls. You literally can be a flat slob and you can find girls who will want to be with you because of your wealth. Most girls will want to be with such a guy for his money. No money and gone she will be! 

Getting sex through this way is also not practical. Girl will not put out because she doesn't want to be pumped and dumped. She is there for the money. She will let the rich guy pay a big prize because she wants the guy for the long term while the same girl might put out the first night for a poor sexy guy who is good with game. 


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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Sometimes game is hard. That is why it is so good. It is comparable to weight lighting. Some people lifts weights all their life so when they go to the gym they will have a easy time. Others will have a hard time because of past laziness. 

Game is not - only - about 

  • Money
  • Looks
  • Age
  • IQ
  • Status
  • Communication skills
  • Being funny

It is a combination of these things. 

If you have a good combo of these things there will be girls interested in you but at the same time thirsting is a no go. It is an abundance killer. 


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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Posted (edited)

Blondie in the gym

I'm back from the gym. I got eye contact with a nice blonde (with a slight smile) with nice rounded body. Actually I didn't even want to approach. Coincidently we started talking when we were near each other. I still find it very hard to read if a girl is sexually interested. We talked about a lot of topics, for about 15 minutes. I didn't ask her number because I thought I would see her another time and because I'm trying to tone down my neediness.

Sadness & 2 lesbians

At the way back home, I got into two separate conversations. A lot of girls are so nice to me since I'm approaching more from the heart rather than the ego. The problem is that girls start seeing me as a poodle instead of a tiger or something.

Coincidently both of these two seperate approaches turned out to be lesbian. What are the chances? I didn't believe the second one so she showed her facebook. It is true.

Also one told me why I look sad. I was not aware that I looked sad. I noticed that I was really sad... Sadness was poring out of my pores. It didn't even have to do with girls. I'm projecting my sadness onto girls. I was sad in general. Sad about life.

If I hadn't done PUA, I would never become so aware of my sadness. PUA forced me to loosen up and guess what? That entails more movement of emotion within my system. I'm so thankful to these two lesbians. I could really open up and I didn't like opening up. I felt so vulnerable.

I didn't share anything personal with these two girls. With opening up I meant on an energetic level opening up.

Game is about self-development and triggering myself

I really need to transcend this general sadness. I would link it to grief which is level 75 on the consciousness level of Dawkins. How to cope with grief?

The Nine Stages of Grief

Hope —Tormented Hope

Anxiety —Anguished Apprehension

Depression —Angst-Ridden Sadness

Denial —Confused Rejection

Pain and Guilt ­—Agonizing Self-Blame

Anger and Bargaining —Bitter Resentment

Acceptance —Practical Relief

Depression —Second Round of Sadness

Reverie and Revival —Renaissance

I was stuck between denial and pain and guilt. Currently I really feel the sadness about my life in general and I'm just trying to stay with the feeling, trying to sooth myself. I will respect my own pace with acceptance and letting go.

Summary

So I had a real nice conversation and flirtation with the blondie from the gym. I'm happy with the result. I was trying really hard to let go and NOT be needy, not asking her number, just for shits and giggles. Hoping she would ask my number. That didn't happen. But for me it is more about learning and letting go of my neediness. This is the inner jihad.

Those two separate conversations with the lesbians were nice too. A lot of friendly flirtation. It felt so therapeutic. I didn't like just relaxing and being. Because being myself caused my sadness to poor out. 

Edited by StarStruck

My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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On 15/05/2021 at 11:28 PM, StarStruck said:

Unapologetically being a man.

So proud of you man. You got traction and are making amazing progress! This is amazing


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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3 minutes ago, flowboy said:

So proud of you man. You got traction and are making amazing progress! This is amazing

Thank you man, what do you think about my last post?


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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15 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

f I hadn't done PUA, I would never become so aware of my sadness. PUA forced me to loosen up and guess what? That entails more movement of emotion within my system. I'm so thankful to these two lesbians. I could really open up and I didn't like opening up. I felt so vulnerable.

I think you've got your inner jihad by the balls and things are really moving for you now.

I think you are incredibly brave for tackling your growth by doing the difficult things that trigger you.

I know that is a path that works, because it's what I did. When people ask me these days how I became so confident/developed (not to sound arrogant but that really happens), all I can think of is I did what you have started doing: whatever I feared most, but deep down knew I needed.

I think you should keep doing exactly this for a few years, just hold steady and make discoveries. Keep your journal. Take opportunities to dive deeper when they present themselves. Things will massively shift for you.


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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@flowboy Few years? I kind of wished I would solve my lack of relationships this year. You say you got confident and developed. Did those qualities spill over to other areas of your life? Because I have some procrastination problems and those bug me too.


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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Posted (edited)

46 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@flowboy Few years? I kind of wished I would solve my lack of relationships this year. You say you got confident and developed. Did those qualities spill over to other areas of your life? Because I have some procrastination problems and those bug me too.

Yes, few years. But you'll have a lot of sex in those years if you keep going like this! The goal should be to develop yourself, not just to find a relationship. Would you want to stop growing once you have a girlfriend? Probably not. So as long as pick-up is growing you, do it. I see it's working for you as a gateway to exploring and healing many aspects. Also it's good to do other self-development work, such as therapy weeks, retreats and workshops of any kind that speaks to your curiosity. That also helps to find high quality friends, which is much more important than girlfriend. Good quality friends accelerate your learning curve, provide emotional stability, good feedback and heal your lack of connectedness. And really help with girls, because if you have great connections with friends, you'll draw positive emotion and non-neediness from that.

When you encounter the girl that you want to be in a relationship with, you'll know. Relationships are like money. They come not when you hunt them directly, but when you are having fun, not even expecting them.

Did those qualities spill over to other areas of my life? Yes.

The way it worked for me is: hitting on girls made me realize I needed confidence. But for me to feel congruent, I also needed a life to feel confident about. On every approach it kind of plagued me in the background that I wasn't living the life I wanted. That I wasn't working toward my dreams. That my vision was not clear or I was procrastinating on it.

I realised that doing these things I deep down knew I should, would give me confidence and help me feel proud of myself. So I started writing a vision for my life and working towards it. Discovering my purpose (don't get hung up on that, it's not always a clear sentence like Leo wants you to think). Now that I am actually doing that (having a clear vision and working towards my dream), that actually gives me depth and confidence that I could not have faked. I'm happy about how I'm spending my time and I know where I'm going. That is powerful. People sense that.


It took a while but I realised that although I had many ups and downs (backlashes and periods of laziness/escapism), I was not going to quit. This vision thing was real, affirmations work, I was really changing dramatically and becoming someone I thought was really cool. That someone doesn't procrastinate.

Ironically, today I procrastinated all day. So I'm still not perfect in that area. But it happens so rarely that this is really unusual (I was thrown off by the massive heat today) But I've made dramatic changes and my self esteem is through the roof because of it.
So yes, it spills over because it makes you want to work on the other areas too.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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From the thread below:

"This reeks of desperation. "Every lead counts" = "No lead converts". You need to realize that you don't fix yourself by getting the girls. You get the girls by fixing yourself. Seeking external validation is a downward spiral which ends in hell. Check out a book called "The way of the superior man" by David Deida. I know what desperation is trust me, you have to let it go, your life isn't about getting laid, and if you think it is you will be extremely disappointed and underwhelmed if you manage to attract some desperate gal. Start by accepting that it's okay to never get laid in life (again) and trace your way back to sanity. Focus on what your life purpose is and everything else will fall into place. Right now you are just a beggar who begs girls for a free pass. You might not be doing it explicitly but implicitly that's what you are expressing. Is it attractive to you when a girl is desperate and needy? Even though looks matter, no amount of looks can compensate for not having uncovered your purpose in life."

@tatsumaru that is so true. I still have to read that book. Just being whole with myself and not needing a girl is hard to do. I don't know how to. I can suppress the feeling but the feeling will be there in my shadow. I think I have to do some integration work. Still trying to figure out how this shit works.


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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15 hours ago, flowboy said:

Yes, few years. But you'll have a lot of sex in those years if you keep going like this! The goal should be to develop yourself, not just to find a relationship. Would you want to stop growing once you have a girlfriend? Probably not.

No. Getting a long term gf right now would retard my development and ruin my momentum.

Quote

So as long as pick-up is growing you, do it. I see it's working for you as a gateway to exploring and healing many aspects. Also it's good to do other self-development work, such as therapy weeks, retreats and workshops of any kind that speaks to your curiosity. That also helps to find high quality friends, which is much more important than girlfriend. Good quality friends accelerate your learning curve, provide emotional stability, good feedback and heal your lack of connectedness. And really help with girls, because if you have great connections with friends, you'll draw positive emotion and non-neediness from that.
 

I'm already going weekly therapy.

Getting good quality friends is a problem for me. I have never been good with making friends and making close friends is even more difficult.  I wouldn't even know how to do that if I wanted. Everybody seems in their own bubble.  And when I come across old acquaintances or distant friends, they don't seem to seek closer friendship. Finding a gf is harder than making close friends. At least with girls there is sexual attraction which is a commodity.

Quote

When you encounter the girl that you want to be in a relationship with, you'll know. Relationships are like money. They come not when you hunt them directly, but when you are having fun, not even expecting them.

Did those qualities spill over to other areas of my life? Yes.

The way it worked for me is: hitting on girls made me realize I needed confidence. But for me to feel congruent, I also needed a life to feel confident about. On every approach it kind of plagued me in the background that I wasn't living the life I wanted. That I wasn't working toward my dreams. That my vision was not clear or I was procrastinating on it.
 

Yea confidence is so important. It is a make a or break. I still don't understand confidence though. There is so much work to do. Pff.

Quote

I realised that doing these things I deep down knew I should, would give me confidence and help me feel proud of myself. So I started writing a vision for my life and working towards it. Discovering my purpose (don't get hung up on that, it's not always a clear sentence like Leo wants you to think). Now that I am actually doing that (having a clear vision and working towards my dream), that actually gives me depth and confidence that I could not have faked. I'm happy about how I'm spending my time and I know where I'm going. That is powerful. People sense that.
It took a while but I realised that although I had many ups and downs (backlashes and periods of laziness/escapism), I was not going to quit. This vision thing was real, affirmations work, I was really changing dramatically and becoming someone I thought was really cool. That someone doesn't procrastinate.

Ironically, today I procrastinated all day. So I'm still not perfect in that area. But it happens so rarely that this is really unusual (I was thrown off by the massive heat today) But I've made dramatic changes and my self esteem is through the roof because of it.
So yes, it spills over because it makes you want to work on the other areas too.

That doesn't give me confidence. If you after years of self-help still have procrastination how do I suppose to solve my problems? Preferably I wouldn't have procrastination like some gifted people but I have to live with it I think. My procrastination is something else though. I can dissociate and just waste days. For example I focused on pickup girls and my LP suffered from that.


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Getting good quality friends is a problem for me. I have never been good with making friends and making close friends is even more difficult.  I wouldn't even know how to do that if I wanted. Everybody seems in their own bubble.  And when I come across old acquaintances or distant friends, they don't seem to seek closer friendship. Finding a gf is harder than making close friends. At least with girls there is sexual attraction which is a commodity.

Well, where are you looking? On the street? At work? People bond when they have meaningful and challenging experiences together. So in my experience you aren't going to find high quality friends amongst coworkers or customers very often, but doing something that's daring and meaningful to you. Pick up a new hobby that you always kind of were curious about but didn't feel like you were ready for it. Go on retreats. Seriously. If you do personal development related group activities, you can find friends that are willing to grow with you. The more vulnerability is required, the more deeper the bonds you can form.

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

That doesn't give me confidence. If you after years of self-help still have procrastination how do I suppose to solve my problems? Preferably I wouldn't have procrastination like some gifted people but I have to live with it I think. My procrastination is something else though. I can dissociate and just waste days. For example I focused on pickup girls and my LP suffered from that.

Actually if you compare the first and last page of my journal, you'll see that it's way different. I used to LIVE in procrastination. Every day was living like a zombie and closing my eyes to the mess, then zoning out behind youtube or netflix. Now, I wake up every day with a plan that gets me closer to my goals and execute on it. Sometimes I still get a bad day, sure. Growth comes with backlashes. Expect them or you'll have a bad time ;)

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Yea confidence is so important. It is a make a or break. I still don't understand confidence though. There is so much work to do. Pff.

Well where does confidence come from? For me the answer was: being sure about what I'm doing with my life. So I went for that and it worked. What would your confidence come from (or rather, what is your lack of confidence connected to, when you feel it?)


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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Posted (edited)

Having an audience

So I did some approaches today, it was not going good and I was about to stop. I saw a cutie at the bus stop. I decided to approach. She was receptive and we had good flirtation going. I was not conscious of the fact that a middle aged woman was in our vicinity. She heard the whole ordeal. When I found out she had a bf I backed down. I turned around and the middle aged woman was enjoying the spectacle. She was so impressed. Both started showering me with compliments. I walked off stage like an hero. Like a gladiator.

XTC of my labor

I went to the coffee shop. I was so frustrated. I needed some "medicine"/weed to put me out of my misery. On the entrance I saw cute blonde girl rushing inside the store. I shouted at her "are you old enough"? She didn't even look back at me.

Brother with dreadlocks

The brother with dreadlocks (the guard at the entrance of the shop) saw my effort. He decided to help me and started talking to me, saying "oh, you like that girl don't you? I told him "she didn't even look at me". The blonde girl heard us talking. I took my order and she took her order. The brother with dreadlocks told me I should talk to her. I said "should I wait her up?". He said "yes". I decided to do that. If he didn't told me I would have walked to home. I started talking to her and it went really good.

Instant date: going high in the park

We had a good vibe going and she told me we should smoke our blunts together. We were discussing where we should smoke. Her place was not available. I suggested my place. She said "no". I told her that it was up to her. She wanted to go to the park. It was so nice that we had the same vibe going, same past, same energy. I was so drunk of love that I couldn't even think about fucking her. It was therapeutic. To be clear, I 'm not in love and I also do want to fuck her, but I was in a different head space. It was so nice. Thinking about it, I could have introduced some sexual tension. I noticed that I loved the love but I was also afraid of losing it, although there wasn't any evidence of it. It was a surreal moment. I had a very cute blonde 21 year old next to me, giggling and having a good time with me, and there was beautiful nature around, bright sun, light breeze, all kind of birds around us, trees and bushes, there was green everywhere (green = colour of love). The ambience ecstatic. At the end we exchanged numbers. She said she has family coming over next week but the week after that she would be able to meet again. Afterwards we stood up from the bench and we walked in the same direction for a while and parted our ways.

Lesson: it is all about connection, all that other is secondary.

She kept forgetting my name. I asked her:

 

Edited by StarStruck

My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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Posted (edited)

Integrating red/blue

Recently I got the insight about how important spiral dynamics stage red is for pickup. It was thanks to my dreams in which I was a gladiator! Bare with me. Look at these men in the video. Those men in the Roman legions developed balls of steel through all the trails and tribulations they went in life. If they could transfer in time and learn English, do you think they would have approach anxiety? A strong ego is very important, which a person develops at stage red, at stage blue this ability of stage red gets disciplined. To check if you have fully integrated stage red, watch the video below and imagine yourself as a Roman soldier: could you be one if you had to be one? If you can be a man that has fully integrated stage red and blue, you won't have any problems with pickup.

In my opinion, Roman Empire is stage red/blue while the Germanic tribes are stage red. You can see the difference:

Spiral-Dynamics-Table-1.png

Romans use army traditions, formations, have a system of morality while the Germanic tribes are impulsive, heroic and do things for short term gratification and glitz. Germanic tribes are red. Romans are obviously red +  a little blue.

My point is that most guys who lack natural pickup skills, lack integration in red and blue. Recently I think I fully integrated red, I'm really fearless, approach anxiety doesn't exist, the only anxiety I have is that I misuse my masculinity to bother girls or to come across as a caveman. A guy who has fully integrated red and lacks blue will come across as a caveman.

Coincidentally I found this video with similar insights: great mind thinks alike I guess

Summary with my commentary:

  • Ideal man in a brutal world is as follows: a guy like Maximus (a man at the maximum) who has a satisfying combination of the 4 archetypes of Jung
  • One can't be a gentleman without being a man; first you need to be a man before you can be a gentleman; first having a foundation of stage red, before being able to develop stage blue
  • Stage blue(Maximus): sacrificing for higher - transcended - ideals. Corresponds with being paradigm. Having principles and not caring about future outcome. Roman virtues!
  • Stage red(Commodus): manipulating the world and ideals. Sacrificing for wrong and petty things; not sacrificing for principles! Corresponds to doings paradigm. Destroying other people's virtues and destroying people with virtue!
  • Favor of existence spills onto people with integrated stage blue. Men want to be like a man like this. Women want to be with a guy like this. Bad circumstances bring out the character of man! It will test a man's principles!
  • Principles and virtues can die out because of life's hardships, but can also resurrect if fostered or coincidence!
  • People who are in being (from virtues), rather than doing(manipulation), will get favor of life!
  • Commodus lost everything he valued when he died. Maximus gained everything while he died.

Roman virtues that Maximus followed :

Virtus+Integritas.PNG

Edited by StarStruck

My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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I really liked the blonde girl I met. After the instant date we just bonded. It is the day after and I'm constantly thinking about her. This is the advice I needed:

In my head space it is so hard to let her go. I need to focus on my LP.

I proved to myself that I can get a hot blonde girl to a date. Now I need to focus on myself and my LP.

It is not easy to accept I'm chasing the wrong stuff. I'm playing a losing game. It is not easy to change. Today I'm emotionally fucked up. :(


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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Being arrogant is something good. Fuck social conditioning. 


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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I need to develop more self-love. Not use girls to fill up my emptiness. It is a recipe for disaster if I do. I caught feelings for the girl I met 2 days ago (see journal entry). And I'm in a process of mindfulness and letting go. It is a painful process. I want to be complete with myself first. 

I will be using the completion theory by Teal Swan to reach this oneness, wholeness with myself. I still have to read that book though. 


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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