What do I think of this forum

[Preety_India]

 

 

just calm down.  This will have a happy ending. 

Last 5 days on the forum have been absolutely terrible. I got messages that were disappointing. 

I'm going to disable my messenger. 

No more pm. 

No more anyone pming me.. 

I do not want anything.. 

 

 

 the people that I don't want to talk to are on my blacklist. And the pm is sorted out.. I'll ignore as many as possible so that I don't receive their pm. 

 

so majority of people are blocked from pming me. Any new PMs that are negative will be blocked

Don't wish to wake up to reading negative shit and ruin my mornings. 

Any new person pming will be blocked because there is low trust level with new accounts. 

It could be old users creating new accounts.  There's that. 

This is relief 

 

Strict boundaries. That's the only way to deal with this 

 

any person who continues to pm me will only be allowed if they carry out decent conversations with me or have presented themselves respectfully in the past and have a decent history with conversations. 

Not putting up with your shit anymore. 

 no more conversations in the journal section. 

 

Also I need to do a bit of compartmentalization. 

People who are not acting in a decent manner and not showing public civility, I'll categorize them as "difficult to deal with" and compartmentalize them that way.  

I need not talk to the difficult ones. 

I can go along with the easy going ones. 

 rules are rules. That's it.  Rules are not going to change. Personal boundaries are only created when rules are made and enforced. 

This has to be done for personal security and safety...... 

elaborate scheme to deal with these things.. 

Make sure that this doesn't happen again. 

once people are placed on block or ignore, they won't be taken off ignore or block. 

Done is done.. 

 

This is done to forever keep all drama Kings and Queens out of my zone.. 

 

[Preety_India]

I should learn how to cultivate myself on my own without all the social drama. 

 

[Preety_India]

Don't talk much to anyone, especially in this journal section. 

Learn 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Made a mistake again. But my last mistake in this journal section 

I still need to work on my trust skills. I tend to trust too much. 

Which is a weakness. 

I always believe that people have best intentions which backfires. 

To be honest this whole game is like Russian Roulette. 

And there is too much social gaming which I really don't like 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I swear this journal section gives me a headache every time I'm here with all the drama and social games playing out here. 

It's just utter nonsense. Why can't people just let others simply be themselves. 

What's so hard?

 What's the fun in attacking someone's self esteem?

It's like stay away from these people except a very few that I resonate with. 

Technology can correct this. If there was an option to only see your journal, like I know there's a customization option.  It's really hard here. 

Surviving in the journal section is harder than surviving in the forum, all drama queens/Kings here. This section attracts the worst, if people are so tuned into their own self development then they would care less about others, they try to create this sort of competition that is simply unnecessary. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Much of the things that I see around in this forum is not just about the critical aspects of it but also about how to navigate through it all, how to achieve Zen without being impacted by it. 

 

[Preety_India]

So I'm especially going to be focusing on the solution part. Solutions to this journal section. 

Solutions on how to exist here without letting all the feral drama impact you. 

One solution is to only talk to people who you have a resonance with  and never engage in arguments with the rest. 

The other is to be able to hide the people that you don't wish to interact with. 

 

[Preety_India]

The other solution is to increase your self awareness and the awareness of your environment. 

Be quick and agile.. 

[Preety_India]

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/forum/16-self-actualization-journals/

 

[Preety_India]

I think much of my problems I face in this place actually stem from this particular section. 

It's the nature of this place that causes you to be on edge. It shouldn't have to be this way, it's ironic, but this is my lot here as my lot in any other place in my life, but I'm not negative or sulking, I can always find my ways around it. There are always effective ways of dealing with this.. 

This is nothing. I've had to deal with much more complex problems in my life 

 

This is too tiny in comparison.

So much of the dissonance is arising from this section, not to mention the dating section as well, it doesn't surprise me since these very sections reflect elements of social media in some sense. 

So that makes sense why the most negative energies are attracted to these specific places or zones on this site. 

Just yesterday people were talking about being banned. It sucks.. Because this is supposed to be a friendly and open place. Where our conversations need to be beneficial. 

In this regard, I will divide conversations into 4 types 

One that are beneficial in terms of information exchange no game no drama 

Second in terms of emotional or supportive exchange no game no drama 

Third being completely devoid of any Information or emotion , neutral. 

Fourth being completely devoid of both information and emotion, and full of game and drama and negativity 

 

The other Kind of conversations I can think of 

Conflict based conversations - this is more like me versus you, or my opinion versus your opinion  or me counter arguing your thought with my view or thought. It doesnt really help a situation because both parties are too busy convincing the other party about their own views, there can be a certain degree of competitiveness involved in such conversations, however I'm  going to say that such conversations can still enrich each party's knowledge. 

 

Advice based conversations - this is where the whole conflict is completely sidelined in favor of a direct solution to the situation, giving an alternative remedy or solution to either solve the problem or reduce its impact.. 

Carefully observe all the conversations you're having all the time. 

 

 

Edited April 28, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I've officially lost all faith in the forum after the dog thread 

I'm going...... Yikes

 

[Hulia]

@Preety_India Dog owners are strange people. I have always known this.

Don´t go away  

[Preety_India]

The thread nobody likes me was opened long ago, somewhere in March. 

I've come far from there. 

I think it's better if nobody likes me, it's a sense of relief. 

At least there is nobody to impress and that saves energy. 

 

[Preety_India]

Rich people love drama, don't they?

 

One of the perks of being rich and useless is the ability of feeling extremely sorry for yourself and complain about almost everything in life. 

 

It's like watching a sad movie just to experience sadness, because you don't have anything tragic in your life to help you experience those precious emotions 

 

Sometimes you watch other's lives and enjoy their misery and sometimes your own life is a miserable tragic movie. 

 

Edited April 28, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Starting shit over nothing...... 

 

 

Favorite pastime of the rich. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

One of the best ways to describe this forum is to simply have a look at this thread 

 

[Preety_India]

I would have never had India attached to my name 

Trauma of being surrounded by white people online 

Preety is my name.  When I first signed up here,  I thought I should not name myself as only Preety.  I felt it would be too short and not unique. What if someone has the same name? 

Plus there was some thought that my country name should reflect because I didn't want people to constantly ask me online, which country I came from? I wouldn't need to introduce myself. I was quite naive or maybe super smart. I don't know. If I were born in Japan or Germany, I would have still done the same thing.  I would have included the country name in my username. 

Am I ashamed of my cultural identity?

Not at all. I'm proud of being Indian and of being from India. I didn't know that India was looked down upon at the time of making this account. 

I had no idea that on the international scene people saw India as something inferior and that Indians were target of  racial hate just like blacks. 

2018 was also the year of my relationship with Joseph.  

I had no idea that he would be racist to me in the relationship.. In the beginning he was very respectful of the fact that I was Indian. I thought I was having a great interracial relationship.  I was very open to the idea of an interracial relationship.  I come from a culture where people of different religions can marry. We as modern Indians don't hold racial cultural barriers to marriage because India is a very mixed country. 

My problems with Joseph would only arise later in the relationship when for the first time he began to use racial slurs during arguments.. That was a culture shock and a huge blow to my self esteem. I felt like trash. 

 

That was also the first time I was made to realise I AM INDIAN 

 

[Preety_India]

I would have never had India attached to my name 

these feelings are generally lodged in my subconscious and they don't even resurface most of the time, only during sudden moments of quiet or just randomly, when they are least expected. 

So where was I?

Yes.  I got swayed by the whole relationship talk.. 

I did not realize in the beginning that being Indian was such a big thing here. My bad? Right?

 

Also I hadn't spoken to anyone here for the longest time being here. It was a self imposed isolation, I had a loner personality. I still am very much a loner.  A lonewolf 

I came here in 2018, and I spent the whole of 2018 and 2019 not speaking to anyone, just keeping to my journals. 

It was only in late 2019 that I decided to open up a bit on this forum, with a hearty welcome from forum users  in the beginning followed by mixed results over time. 

I also gained my majority of followers when I wasn't talking to anyone, which is both an irony and a paradox.. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I would have never had India attached to my name 

The first experience as an Indian girl on this forum was being trolled, spammed and bullied by Indians themselves. Surprise?

I have to admit, I was very stupid. If you told me now to sign up on this website or any other website on the internet, the last thing I'm going to do is include my Indian identity. 

Not because I'm ashamed of my cultural identity, there are great things about India that you would know and  feel If you are a real Indian. You would appreciate being an Indian very much, in my heart I do.. 

I would simply avoid my Indian identity to specifically avoid Indian trolls and perverts. Not all Indians, but this is a pervasive problem on the internet that only india born Indian girls will fully understand and relate.  You get so many Indian guys hitting on you, sliding into your DM, they have no value for your privacy and personal boundaries. 

 

 

 

 

These memes are hilarious at first but they are very true. This is not to say that every Indian man on the internet is going to be this way but being treated this way as an Indian girl is a far too common experience not only for me but for other Indian girls in my life. 

In fact, I had come close to shutting down one of my social media account once because of this menacing behaviour. You would get many guys (just like guys who grope you on the bus ) sliding into dms and then asking you a bunch of uncomfortable random questions and then wanting to talk straight up about sex as though you owe them something for simply being a woman. 

 

 

Edited April 29, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I would have never had India attached to my name 

in the beginning while making this account, I had this mindset that I won't run into many Indians here, it just didn't occur to me that way. I usually came across Indians only on social media, mainly Facebook,  where this problem was rampant.  

I never thought that a self development forum would attract people that I had encountered previously online. 

So yes, from time to time, even on this website I would get random messages from Indians especially in the beginning, but I wasn't too pissed because it wasn't as extreme as elsewhere.