What kind of people I should be friends with

[Preety_India]

I really need to be serious about this 

 

Cut down 80% from the friends lists. 

 

[Preety_India]

Friend's traits. 

• Make friends with people who respect me 
• Who give me space
• Who keep me emotionally safe 
• Who are not toxic. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

/forum/topic/62899-how-to-find-higher-quality-people-and-friends

 

 

forum/topic/62882-how-to-deal-with-friends-who-use-and-dump-you/

[Preety_India]

 

Block 

Block 

Block 

Block anyone who is toxic. 

No need of such people and such friends 

Be with people who like to keep things decent and respectful. 

Block everyone else.. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Loba]

https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/hysteria

Hysteria

An inappropriate over-reaction to bad news or disappointments, which diverts attention away from the real problem and towards the person who is having the reaction.

Being a Drama Major or Drama Queen

Many people enjoy 15 minutes of fame, however a Drama Major or Drama Queen has a constant need to seek out and hold the attention of others through manifesting extremes of emotion. Call it a hissy fit, a tantrum, or a case of hysterics – the effect is the same. The limelight is theirs, even if it was someone else’s catastrophe brought them on stage in the first place.

The goal of a hysterical person is to draw attention to themselves and to their plight - often from people who do not know them well and who are more likely to give a sympathetic response. It’s a behavior which can manipulate total strangers into serving the PD person’s emotional needs.

There is nothing inherently dysfunctional about desiring other people’s attention, except when the scale and context are inappropriate, and prevent someone with a genuine crisis or need from receiving the assistance they need.

How the script plays out

A parent’s behavior demands more attention at the emergency room than their injured child.

A cousin starts an emotional argument with relatives while the bride and groom are cutting the cake.

A widower needs to be carried out of the church behind the coffin at a funeral.

A parent rushes their child to the hospital with a minor complaint.

A man habitually calls the police when no-one is at risk.

A person calls or shows up unannounced when they have been politely asked not to, claiming a crisis makes it necessary they ignore your request.

A person always repeats the most outrageous, salacious, and dramatic gossip in order to get attention.

A man threatens a lawsuit when a waiter spills his coffee.

Someone seems to be more often than not in a state of crisis for no apparent or logical reason.

Hysterical people take everyday situations and elevate them to a level that is inappropriate, unhelpful and diversionary. They may sometimes appear more comfortable in a crisis than in a calm situation. They are the kind of people who threaten, bluster, overreact, take it up a notch and go to extremes, becoming like black holes for the emotional energy if those around them.

Like emotional addicts, they are constantly seeking another “fix” of sympathy, admiration, envy, respect, significance and attention.

One of the worst impacts of hysteria is that it often diverts resources away from real problems and puts the spotlight on the person who is acting hysterical.

People who know a hysterical person well are often inclined to become suspicious of them over time and withdraw their support. When this happens, hysterical people are commonly driven to recruit new sympathizers. It’s not uncommon for people who suffer from HPD to recruit whole new sets of friends every year or so. There may be a tendency to idealize these friends while they are new and sympathetic and to devalue them when they become withdrawn.

What it feels like

If you are a companion or family member to a Drama Major or Drama Queen, you are probably suffering from crisis fatigue. You probably yearn just to be a “normal” couple or a “normal” family, and long for mundane days, ordinary affairs and predictable events. You may wish you could just become invisible and let some other household get all the attention. In public, you may be wishing you could carry a sign that says “I’m not really like them” - except that to do so would just draw more attention.

You may find yourself trying to “clean up” the mess behind your loved-one. You may be familiar with the impossible task of trying to appear as though you are a reasonable rational human being and you understand other people’s skepticism about your loved-one’s behaviors while at the same time trying to behave supportively so it doesn’t look like you are part of the problem.

You may feel humiliated by their behavior. You may wonder what people must think of you and you may be thinking that people assume you’re probably at least half as bad as them.

The good news - most discerning people can differentiate between the characters that make up a family, and can recognize who are the balanced ones.

The bad news - most people will never tell you what they really think of your family member or partner, for fear that you might take it the wrong way and reject them. Unless you make the first move - such as move out or file for divorce and declare your independence most people will never tell you what they really think about the Drama Major or Drama Queen in your house. After you move out, a number of people will be only too happy to tell you what they always thought - once there is no personal risk for them to do so.

How to Cope

While you may find a Drama Major or Drama Queen’s behavior exhausting and frustrating, if you step in and try to control them or try to stand between them and the attention they crave, you will have about as much success as a concerned parent who tries to keep their teenage addict away from their next fix. You will not be successful and you may get hurt in the process.

Unlike cocaine or heroin, attention is not a controlled substance and seeking or grabbing attention is not a crime. Therefore you are not going to be able control how much attention another person chooses to draw to themselves. You will have to let them have it. Your main concern should be to consider if this behavior is hurting you or any children involved.

If they are hurting children by their behavior, do your best to protect those children - especially if you are their other parent. If you are not their parent then you are limited in what you can realistically do - beyond reporting any child abuse concerns to the authorities and offering those children a supportive environment whenever you are around them.

If they are hurting you, then you need to consider protecting yourself. This begins by working on your own boundaries, and considering removing yourself from any environment that is not healthy for you, if and when appropriate.

What NOT to do

Don’t stand between a hysterical person and the attention they crave. You might as well stand in front of a freight train.

Don’t try to “talk sense” into them - you can’t fight addiction with logic.

Don’t assume the responsibility of fixing a hysterical person.

Don’t try to “cover” for them - people are smart and will draw their own conclusions regardless of your efforts.

Don’t blame yourself for the behavior. Drama is addictive, and you are peripheral to the Drama Major or Drama Queen’s need for a fix.

What TO do

Protect yourself and any children from harm as best you can.

Promptly report any incidents of neglect or child abuse to the authorities.

Talk to trusted friends about what you are experiencing. Level with them so they will be comfortable in telling you what they can see and help you to see things “from the outside looking in”.

Detach yourself from feeling responsible for a loved-ones behavior. Let it go. You are not responsible for their actions. You are only responsible for the way you have behaved. Resolve that you are going to detach yourself from anybody else’s behavior and just be responsible for your own behavior from now on.

Forgive yourself for your past mistakes. If you live with a drama major, chances are you have “lost it” a few times. That’s not the best way but that is in the past. Resolve to learn better ways to react to and protect yourself from your loved-one’s addiction.

Forgive yourself for the way other people behave in your life. Resolve to be the best “you” that you can be.

I couldn't handle what is essentially.... this... every time I am busy with my life in the real world, this is the pattern with this person, they introject themselves into situations and they cry wolf.  I have noticed a pattern that whenever I am busy in the real world, they take this as a bad sign, so this lets me know that this person is basically just using this forum.

Stop with this behavior where you do everything that you fight against.   Just... stop.... this is why people don't wanna be around you.  They can't even make a choice without coming back to insane levels of this weird.... nonsense.  What is this?

This place is less healthy for you than it is even for me.  Maybe you should get a life?

Every time I have been busy with real world problems, and divert my attention this happens - you don't own people's attention here... you know that right?  You create problems for yourself.  You spend all your time focusing on that stuff, just nonstop it is only negativity.  Like... you are everything that you discuss in other people, why can't you see this?

EVERYONE ELSE HERE DOES EXCEPT YOU.

I am doing you a favour.
Close your mouth and contemplant.  Can you do that?  Are you able you?   God damn.  

Just goes on and on.

I predict you'll post some long thing, not do any of it - and then claim victimhood or whatever else you use this place for - certainly not for growing... you know, people can choose who they let into their life.  And this stuff you do, pushes people away.
For me, I like being alone so idaf, but for anxious people like you - if someone doesn't want to put up with it, coming back - after a day of doing their own thing to just find page after page of this stuff, and then victimization that you just pull up on the spot without any interest to work through it - what do you expect?  You're manipulative.  

Like... look for healthy people that can deal with that kind of stuff.  Stop this every time I am busy with my life, or when I decide this isn't my cup of tea.  Accept it and cut the shit.  Leave me alone.  I have you on block, I'm not taking it off, rage all you want I won't see it.

Edited March 19, 2021 by Loba

[Preety_India]

Leave me alone. This journal is not about you. Everything doesn't have to revolve around you. This journal is about my ways to find healthy friendships. Stop your projections and making everything about you. It's fine if we don't get along. It doesn't need to be perfect. I'm in my own world. I've no interest in raging against you. These are all your projections and assumptions. And I am not trying to change what you think of me. If someone projects on me, it's their problem not mine. 

Meanwhile my friends that I have here don't say these things about me. So I don't relate to any of the stuff written. 

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I'm leaving this journal. Don't want to waste my time reading such comments. 

What a load of crap!