How To Be Cool

[JohnnyBoy]

I've been suffering from depression for more than 15 years, and about two years ago, I've started to backslide. I've always feel that I'm not like everyone else, like I'm completely different and bizzare. The only way I know how to make friends is to be the exact copy of the other person. I've been doing this for so long, I don't even know my real self anymore, nor do I want to be my real self because I don't want people to not like me. I need people to like me. That's how I feel I get self-worth (false belief, but I can't shake it off no matter how hard I try.)

I think it's time for a change. I need to blow everything about myself up and start all over again. How do I be the cool person that most people would like?

[aurum]

Quick heads up, you may be heading in the near future for a spiritual experience. No guarantees though.

Anyway, let me crack this question of "being cool".

"Cool" does not exist.

I can remember being so frustrated growing up because I couldn't figure out what was cool.

Was it cool to be musician? Was it cool to be a jock? What about money or looks? Loud and outgoing? Quiet and competent?

What the hell WAS it?

Eventually though, I started to realize it was ALL a sham. Nothing these people had or did made them cool.

What was cool was that THEY thought it was cool. And they were so sure of it that it sucked you in.

This is a total paradox and mindfuck when you really start to see this.

Cool isn't bestowed upon you. You bestow it upon yourself.

Paradoxically, not needing people to think you were cool was what MAKES you cool.

I've never had so many people like me and respect me in till I smashed the mold and decided to set the standard. But that takes balls, and if you really do it you'll be scared as hell.

But that's why people will respect you.

They understand on some level that you're not held down by FEAR like them.

Of course, some people will not at all think you're cool. In fact, you'll also never have so many people dislike you as before.

But so what? This unnecessary "giving a fuck" is what turns you into some bland, carbon copy like everyone else. And it's no way to live your life.

In fact, I'd argue this is maybe one of the most important problems someone needs to tackle in personal development.

 

 

 

 

[Tron]

@aurum You are so spot on. I couldn't have described it better myself. Growing up from being an awkward teen to present day where many people would consider me 'cool' was all based on not giving a shit what people thought and focusing on me. 

[Xpansion]

Wait, you say the only way to be friends is to be the exact copy of the other person and that you want to start over and rebuild your identity but then you ask how you can be the cool person that everyone likes. So you don't really want to change anything, you want to continue people pleasing and being concerned with what others think.    

The solution to your problem is very simple - be yourself.   If you are authentic and sincere people will be naturally drawn to you.  Thats all you need to do. There will always be people who like you and people who don't. Hang out with the ones who do.   If you don't know how to be yourself or are afraid to then you need to investigate why and try to overcome this fear.

Edited October 20, 2016 by Xpansion

[avk123]

On 10/16/2016 at 3:01 AM, JohnnyBoy said:

I've been suffering from depression for more than 15 years, and about two years ago, I've started to backslide. I've always feel that I'm not like everyone else, like I'm completely different and bizzare. The only way I know how to make friends is to be the exact copy of the other person. I've been doing this for so long, I don't even know my real self anymore, nor do I want to be my real self because I don't want people to not like me. I need people to like me. That's how I feel I get self-worth (false belief, but I can't shake it off no matter how hard I try.)

I think it's time for a change. I need to blow everything about myself up and start all over again. How do I be the cool person that most people would like?

People have hard time liking their own self - you think it will be easy for them to like you ?

 

Once you realize that all people suffer from: Sadness, Anger, Jealousy, Envy, Shame, lack of confidence, fear, disgust.

It will open your eyes that everyone you see is on the same level as you, everyone is lacking inside themselves.

There is no Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. in this world. 

So whatever frame of life (Way of life) you choose to be, nobody can judge you on it and critisize you except your own self, which is the toughest. If your a teenager, you out to know that teenagers are the most lost people in terms of self awareness they are trying to find an identity to be loved and accepted, the mind hasn't matured to a level of self recognition so as a teenager you try to hold on to a concept that gives you that social self worth and acceptance. 

Its biology in the end. 

 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2016 by avk123