ANGER and DISAPPOINTMENT while CONTEMPLATION

[Dark_White]

Okay, recently i had the experience of noself and it was absolute peace when i contemplated the nature of it.

 

But then i wanted to know if I'm nothing than what is this all objects. And I'm having trouble while not seeing the results and not getting answers and i doubt myself so hard and i wonder if i can break through and also fetch the realization. I am really very impatient person & i like to get things fast. But this frustrates me a lot.

 

Also while looking some of the videos for reference I'm really having trouble and i go full on doubt myself especially like actuality vs concept. 

 

Like when i had the realization of No-Self, i didn't had any actual experience of nothing but rather i had the idea or a logic that if I'm the perceiver, i cannot be any object sorta way. On the other hand i wanna realize all the truth, but i lack patience and I'm dealing with lot of self doubts.

 

What would be your advice? And please share if you had any similar moments you had while doing this and how you overcame it? 

Edited February 16, 2021 by Dark_White

[Nahm]

@Dark_White  The emotional scale.

Beautiful work my friend. Really nice. I definitely had similar moments, still do and still will, and I’ve learned to drop it on a dime (release it) and have talked with many who have as well. I’d frame this up as contemplation in this regard is like diving down into the depth of clarity. This releases emotions, and that is the desired effect. As emotions clears out, unconditional, formless, clarity remains. 

Along the way, thought tends to ‘hijack’. Spot the self referential thinking, that is, thoughts about yourself that don't feel good to you...that is the ‘red flag’ to release. 

Thought labels, such as with the thought “objects”, and it can definitely seem like you’re ‘stuck’ there. Also notice thought labels it’s own source, such as with “I am really impatient person”, and “I like to get things fast”, “I lack”, or “I’m dealing with”.  

The concepts got you thinkin, which is great, and it tapped intuition, which is fucking awesome, and that is bring emotion up & out which is the ideal. Now, help em out by expressing slowly, loving, up the scale. Allow the identity misunderstandings to release, and self realization, seeing the “objects” are nothing, naturally follows. 

Sounds like you’re experiencing doubt, disappointment, irritation and frustration....so check out the scale, and express how this sometimes leaves you feeling and thinking pessimistically about your future. Then express ...sometimes boredom is experience...and so on. 

If those thoughts were true about you...”I’m impatient”, “I lack”, etc...they’d feel like orgasmic liquid love oozing through the body mind. 

 

[mandyjw]

What is it that's aware of the self doubts? If you are not an object why are you still thinking of yourself as one, and one that has to "get" that it's not an object. Funny, right? 

That's all you are outside of your direct Awareness right now. A thought. 

I highly recommend Rupert Spira, his videos are very good, but I especially love his books. Read them little by little, let them really sink in. He explains the subject/object Awareness thing so clearly. 

It also helps to make the connection that this is what performers are doing when they are in a flow state, doing something they really love with no one trying to look back and judge it. They are pure flow, no thought of themselves. So go for the things that scare you a little bit but also light you up, practice that flow state in whatever way you're drawn to. It's like downhill skiing down a challenging hill, all thoughts of self doubt and images of crashing have to go in order to focus on the exact maneuver and adjustment that needs to be done in the moment. It's automatic. This way of becoming present by dropping the self referential doubts sort of takes over your life, even when you're doing something much more mundane. 

[Dark_White]

@Nahm thank you, so so much! It really put things in place and also i really needed this. It really lifted my mood.

 

[Dark_White]

@mandyjw sometimes I end up thinking what if i think i found my true self but again if I'm wrong. I'm scared of it what if the doubt is true and i don't wanting to direct it towards the true nature.

[Nahm]

@Dark_White  ?? 

[mandyjw]

1 hour ago, Dark_White said:

@mandyjw sometimes I end up thinking what if i think i found my true self but again if I'm wrong. I'm scared of it what if the doubt is true and i don't wanting to direct it towards the true nature.

Your true nature isn't separate from you, so the fear of you doing that, is actually you trying to do just that. Funny, right? Your true nature is not a thought. 

[Dark_White]

@mandyjw lol,yes its so weird.