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Beginner Mind

Showcasing Weaknesses

9 posts in this topic

I'm thinking of joining a dating site and being upfront about my weaknesses (as a way of demonstrating authenticity).  Something like: "A little about me: I have terrible social skills and I avoid exercise like the plague."

Would women appreciate the honesty/humor of it, or would they see it as me simply putting myself down and lacking self-esteem?

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5 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

They'd pass you in a heartbeat.

This can work IRL if you do it with confidence + a smile, but dating apps are a totally different atmosphere.

Yeah, you're probably right.  Thanks.

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You should also add: "I lack the balls to try out my own ideas without having them validated by a bunch of strangers.

I don't trust my own brain, so you can't trust me either.

I am not okay with myself in the following areas, so instead of learning to love myself I need you to do it for me: social skills, exercise"

 

Edited by flowboy

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11 minutes ago, flowboy said:

You should also add: "I lack the balls to try out my own ideas without having them validated by a bunch of strangers.

I don't trust my own brain, so you can't trust me either.

I am not okay with myself in the following areas, so instead of learning to love myself I need you to do it for me: social skills, exercise"

 

Weird thing for you to post tbh.  I don't see the harm in seeking out some opinions.

 

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4 minutes ago, flowboy said:

@Beginner Mind my harsh approach doesn't work well for everyone. Just know that I mean no offense. I'm trying to point at something here, which, if you fix it, will get you the real results with the ladies.

Do you see it?

Admittedly I didn't like your approach.  But I see what you're saying.

In real life, I would easily admit my weaknesses to a woman, no problem.  But I wasn't sure if online dating is a different ballgame.  Will the humor/authenticity shine through as intended, or will she just assume I lack self-esteem?  I just don't know.  

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@Beginner Mind  I see now that I was being unclear and unnecessarily rude. I apologize.

Let me try to explain what I meant.

Of course there is nothing wrong with getting opinions. It's just that if you're not willing to impulsively try out different things to say and fail, you won't be able to be spontaneous and free-flowing in conversation with her. And then, by the law of state transference, she will also not feel free to say whatever, and the interaction will be stifled.

The last statement is the effect it's going to have on the other when you showcase what you think of as a weakness. Your job is to love it, so you won't see it as a weakness. Fixing it can be a part of that, or not. That way she won't feel the burden of it and it's easy for her to love you too.

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