Anti anxiety drugs make me feel peaceful, how can I get there without using them?

[TheSpiritualBunny]

I had a history with pretty bad drug addictions, one of the main things are Benzodiazepines like Xanax. I already had benzo withdrawals twice, the first time in a clinic, and the second time I just waited it out in my bedroom. If you don't know what that's like, it's absolute hell.

I still occasionally use them, like every few days. I don't really get much euphoria from them, they just make me feel peaceful and I can think more clearly, which gives me so much motivation to do stuff. Like replying to people, cleaning my room, exercising and trying new things. Before my first withdrawal I used Clonazepam for a month, and this month was amazing. I had so much motivation, I was cycling for several miles a day, I was super motivated to work, I booked a bungee jump, attented a protest, all things I would never do, I felt so free. In my sober state I feel just kinda stuck, I can't bring myself to try new things and end up just being unproductive all day just watching videos. I always feel like that it's pointless to try anything new because I feel like I would just fail anyway, but on benzos it's more like "let's try it and see what happens", which I think would be a much better approach. I also often feel kinda ashamed for what kind of things I like or music I listen too, and with benzos I don't care, it's just gone

I've thought about getting a new prescription because I just don't know how to solve this, but benzos are extremely addictive and not a long term solution, I don't believe in treating people with such drugs, but I'm just desperate at this point. I just wanted to ask if some of you have some techniques like certain kinds of meditations or other things which over some time can give me this benefits longterm. I really just wanna stop with all psychiatric medications for good at some point and fix this permanently.

Thanks for your replies!

[Elevated]

I used to struggle really bad with anxiety and using technology compulsively, still do if I'm not careful. It's something I continue to work on. Both my roommate and I have been using website blockers and other tools to prevent ourselves from using timewasting technology. 

The first is the Kitchen Safe. It's a timed lockbox. You can set it anywhere from 1 minute to 12 days I believe. I set it up during the week, and during the day on weekends, with my TV cords inside. That way I can only watch TV weekend evenings.

Also, there is OpenDNS, free software that you can setup on your computer to block certain websites and categories of websites. I make another account the administrator on my computer and use a random password generator for a 14 letter password. I use this for the administrator account, and for the OpenDNS account. Then I send that password to a future date using futureme.org. I recommend just going for a week at first, just to make sure you work out any kinks. Obviously test it before you send the password and lock everything up lmao, but you may miss something you only realize during that first week. Either way, now I send it a month or more in the future. I can't use youtube, reddit, etc. 

Then, finally, I get my roommate to lock up my iPhone using screen time, and I lock up his. That way, there is no way for us to use it for time wasting stuff. 

I've been doing this for years, and it has been amazing being away from all of that useless bullshit. You unplug and have no other choice but to work on other things. Read books, watch high quality youtube videos you've downloaded, meditate, journal, etc. Be on the self-improvement path and get a lot of shit done. Again, being away from timewasters (that are likely making your anxiety worse) will help you do those things to begin tackling your anxiety without medication. 

I'm now at the point where I have very little anxiety in most situations. Night clubs still do it for me, but once those open up I'll be doing that. 

I've also begun slowly taking those blockers off. First with this website actually. I want to start exercising the willpower to simply avoid these things without needing to have all these systems in place. I'm going slow and learning to keep my use restricted to breaks. Once I feel confident I have that covered, I'll open it up more. 

I hope this helps you. It's a very draconian system, but I and my roommate have taken a lot of benefit from it. 

[flowboy]

@TheSpiritualBunny  You are already almost there. The benzo's have shown you a state you can be in - free of self-judgement and full of life.

Make no mistake - that state is also you. It can be the sober you, too. The benzos have shown you what happens if the brakes are off, and it's been great. I would interpret this as a window into the future!

Probably some time maybe a year from now, you'll be in that motivated, happy state and think back - shit, this is what those dirty benzos tried to show me! And now it's here!

[flowboy]

Now as for ways to bridge that gap - you need to address the root of the issues.

Most commonly it stems from childhood. For example:

•  things that happened from before you even remember
• negative energy absorbed from a dysfunctional parent
• bullying or some kind of incident
• dysfunctional patterns that you were imprinted with and copied from family members
• not being picked up always when you cried as a baby, can also cause addiction

If you don't know, that's okay. Still, it's a good bet to choose a form of therapy that lets you go back and re-process childhood.

I had great results with Primal Therapy and can recommend a good resource. But that's only one option. If you don't know where the issue comes from, you could find a hypnotherapist to guide you to the root.

The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with the therapist, so find one that you trust.

 

My other recommendation is microdosing psilocybin. If you can get it, it's great. It helps against addiction, it opens you up spiritually and allows for releasing blockages and gaining insights, rewiring your mind in a healthier way, a little each day. I would combine it with journaling. Perhaps start one here, if you haven't already.

?

[Osaid]

6 hours ago, flowboy said:

You are already almost there. The benzo's have shown you a state you can be in - free of self-judgement and full of life.

Make no mistake - that state is also you. It can be the sober you, too. The benzos have shown you what happens if the brakes are off, and it's been great. I would interpret this as a window into the future!

Probably some time maybe a year from now, you'll be in that motivated, happy state and think back - shit, this is what those dirty benzos tried to show me! And now it's here!

Reminds me of psychedelics

[TheSpiritualBunny]

On 15.1.2021 at 9:16 PM, flowboy said:

Now as for ways to bridge that gap - you need to address the root of the issues.

Most commonly it stems from childhood. For example:

•  things that happened from before you even remember
• negative energy absorbed from a dysfunctional parent
• bullying or some kind of incident
• dysfunctional patterns that you were imprinted with and copied from family members
• not being picked up always when you cried as a baby, can also cause addiction

If you don't know, that's okay. Still, it's a good bet to choose a form of therapy that lets you go back and re-process childhood.

I had great results with Primal Therapy and can recommend a good resource. But that's only one option. If you don't know where the issue comes from, you could find a hypnotherapist to guide you to the root.

The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with the therapist, so find one that you trust.

 

My other recommendation is microdosing psilocybin. If you can get it, it's great. It helps against addiction, it opens you up spiritually and allows for releasing blockages and gaining insights, rewiring your mind in a healthier way, a little each day. I would combine it with journaling. Perhaps start one here, if you haven't already.

?

Well thanks, I honestly hate to admit it, but I took 1mg of xanax over an hour ago and that's why I even feel like reading the replies. I don't know why, maybe I was worried that people would judge me. I don't even wanna get messed up and black out on benzos, I just like this calm and content feeling which really lifts my mood, I just feel okay, and that's why I find them so addictive. I've even used Methamphetamine here and there over a year ago and it was rather easy to stop. The euphoria was great, but that's not something I really want, I just wanna feel okay and do the things I always wanted to do, it would be great if I could do that sober as well. One of the most frustrating things is that I often even cancle video calls with girls I met on Bumble, it just really stresses me.

I used Psychedelics a lot, LSD, ETH-LAD, 4-HO-MiPT, 4-HO-DET, 4-HO-MET and 5-MeO-DMT. I got a lot of insights about oneness and nonduality, but it didn't really help me with the addiction or motivation problem. I can easily get any of these drugs, but I still live with me parents, and I don't wanna bring any illegal substances in their house anymore, so I'll have to wait until I move out. My parents are great tho, and they aren't against psychedelics, my mom even is supportive of them.

And I kinda gave up on therapists after I went to probably more then 5 or 6 different ones, I think just Leo's videos helped me more then all therapy combined

Anyway, I didn't know you can journal here, thanks for your help.

On 15.1.2021 at 2:51 AM, Elevated said:

I used to struggle really bad with anxiety and using technology compulsively, still do if I'm not careful. It's something I continue to work on. Both my roommate and I have been using website blockers and other tools to prevent ourselves from using timewasting technology. 

The first is the Kitchen Safe. It's a timed lockbox. You can set it anywhere from 1 minute to 12 days I believe. I set it up during the week, and during the day on weekends, with my TV cords inside. That way I can only watch TV weekend evenings.

Also, there is OpenDNS, free software that you can setup on your computer to block certain websites and categories of websites. I make another account the administrator on my computer and use a random password generator for a 14 letter password. I use this for the administrator account, and for the OpenDNS account. Then I send that password to a future date using futureme.org. I recommend just going for a week at first, just to make sure you work out any kinks. Obviously test it before you send the password and lock everything up lmao, but you may miss something you only realize during that first week. Either way, now I send it a month or more in the future. I can't use youtube, reddit, etc. 

Then, finally, I get my roommate to lock up my iPhone using screen time, and I lock up his. That way, there is no way for us to use it for time wasting stuff. 

I've been doing this for years, and it has been amazing being away from all of that useless bullshit. You unplug and have no other choice but to work on other things. Read books, watch high quality youtube videos you've downloaded, meditate, journal, etc. Be on the self-improvement path and get a lot of shit done. Again, being away from timewasters (that are likely making your anxiety worse) will help you do those things to begin tackling your anxiety without medication. 

I'm now at the point where I have very little anxiety in most situations. Night clubs still do it for me, but once those open up I'll be doing that. 

I've also begun slowly taking those blockers off. First with this website actually. I want to start exercising the willpower to simply avoid these things without needing to have all these systems in place. I'm going slow and learning to keep my use restricted to breaks. Once I feel confident I have that covered, I'll open it up more. 

I hope this helps you. It's a very draconian system, but I and my roommate have taken a lot of benefit from it. 

I've honestly considered using something like Kitchen Safe for Clonazepam, to keep me from taking it too often. I don't wanna get high from it, I just wanna get started with uni, and right now I really struggle with this.

But I would obviously also do other things so that I wouldn't need it anymore in the future. I'll give it a try, thanks for all the suggestions. I'm still worried that it won't work tho. During me over 2 month stay in the clinic I also had nothing to do, I only used my phone sparinly and besides that there was nothing to do besides the occassional therapy sessions. And instead of being productive, all I ended up doing was just lying in my bed all day doing nothing except for just thinking. I have a very creative phantasy, and that alone can already be an escape. I even often lie awake for hours at night, not because I'm worrying, but because I'm just really entertained by my thoughts and ideas and it's so hard to shut it off. I sometimes just take Diphenhydramine just so that my mind would shut up.

[Bodhitree]

It seems to me that the root of your problem is that you’re trying to escape your own mind with the Benzo’s, and then you talk about how enchanted you are with your own fantasy. Meditation can help you quieten your thoughts, if you take the time to learn it and apply yourself to it. I’d find a good Buddhist meditation teacher and start working with him.

You still have a lot of work to do in finding a place in the world, I suspect. It takes time to find your compassion and desire to help others, even if you are not motivated to do things in the first place. 

[Javfly33]

It might be helpful to inspect your reaction to your anxiety.

For example, I used to have a significant amount of anxiety regarding social interactions. I used to give a lot of importance to that feeling of anxiety, with thoughts as "this feeling of anxiety must mean that I am in danger" or "I shouldn't be feeling this this is so wrong" or "if I feel this I won't be able to perform the social act correctly".

After discovering much of the anxiety was coming from variables that weren't necessiraly correct or accurate to real danger, I started to give less importance to the anxiety. The less importance I give it, the more easy it became to go and accept deeper the feeling, making it less "anxiety" and more "excitement" some times .