Road To Success & The Obstacles

[Striving for more]

3rd June 2021 : 

Positives :

• I did 1 hour of miscellaneous study > (Technology, using different windows & android software, using brave browser functions)
• I did 1 hour of business brainstorming > created an outlined plan for my course 
• Great plan! I really believe in this course, a very simple idea ...but no one's fucking done it yet! (must constantly remind myself to incubate this idea every week
• Day 4 of No fap > Passed today 

 

• Did 2 hours of deep work > for online survival income, finally got back to it, (must aim for consistency, tomorrow I do 2 hours & 10 minutes!)
• Barely wasted any time on the forum this week, have been strict with just journalling

 

Negative / To improve :

• I ate 5 bowls of processed cereal 
• I ate a chocolate raisin bar  
• Took too long to get going & get productive >> Spent too much time with YouTube & podcasts
• Didn't strictly do morning routine or to do list 
• ^^ Lost sight of my major short term goal > only did 1/2 steps towards it (there's at least 20 steps) 

 

Today I am grateful for : 

• Discovering the beautiful mind of Daniel Schmachtenberger 
• For actualized.org 
• For the millions of dollars I am going to create for myself, for the amazing life that is coming my way, for the dreams upon dreams that will come to me
• For the growth that is coming my way, money & growth, money & happiness.
• The fact that I fell in love with the concept of growth, knowledge & self learning
• For the knowledge that I know nothing, & that I may get closer towards knowing if I learn something, & the knowledge that I must learn through multiple angles, (through direct experience, through practice, through observation, through contemplation, through socialization, through discussion, through media, through books, through mistakes, through other peoples mistakes, through history, through mindfulness, making interconnections & on & on..)

 

• I am grateful for the knowledge that awareness alone is curative. 
• I read back through my journals, I try not to cringe but I see the extent of my neuroticism, it's cool, I feel it gradually dissipating, I don't even need fucking therapy, I'll just go after my dreams 

 

• "But success is not growth, it's fake growth". But that isn't a guaranteed statement. If the journey leads to growth, & Success is just the climax of a hard earnt journey, then it must represent growth. Ok, now I think too much, I leave.  Shut the fuck up stupid neurons.  

Edited June 3, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

A weird thing happened last night. 

I got neurotically obsessed about my dreams in the evening

• I slept an hour later than normal 
• I only got 6 hours sleep 

"Just let it go, even the desire to be successful, just let it go"

I struggle with neediness & desperate energy. 

I'll never lose my ambition nor passion ... but I must remove the attachment, desperation, neediness.

I have been viewing other guys journals ... & I'm shocked. They write so concise & clear. 

Short bullet points summaries. 

My time is so valuable, I am creating a new journal ... a more clear & concise progress journal .... A fresh start.... Or just deleting this whole thing because the time & effort of this isn't paying off, I prefer reading others for insight really. 

My next journal will be more like a progress / Habit tracker. Very short, simple & clear. 

 

 

[Striving for more]

Feeling kind of shit, even though I worked hard today. 

I do want to build my income & education ect.. but I'm struggling to let go of how frustrating the last couple years have been, where I was into self help, but I just didn't have the right guidance & self belief & direction, & sort of still wasted another 1-2 years, after already having a shit life of hell & wasting about 4 years straight before that to drugs & other bullshit. 

It's sick & twisted, I'll see someone else on the path inspiring me, but then they still arouse insecurity within me, especially if it's a younger guy, I just feel upset that I didn't handle my dating & social life at like teens or age 20, I just wish I had the guidance to handle it earlier, there's only so much time, everything feels so slow. This life is precious, how did I not realize this earlier, that there's nothing to lose & life so precious.

I'm growing, but it's so slow, I want this to speed up, I know I have to work & work harder & some patience or I'll blow everything away, but for fucks sake I need things to move forward. I prey to god

Edited June 5, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Suffering : I am still suffering

• Physical pain in the body
• Body is not healed
• teeth hurt, teeth needs more fixing, expensive procedures again
• Severe allergies, severe allergies to cure
• Disrupted sleep - Struggling with the heat & noisy atmospher

Too much chemicals today - Enough 

• I used shampoo today ("It will be different this time") no, I never learn from my lessons
• Headaches, slow mind, blocked nose, sneezing, coughing, pain, rash on the back, runny nose, sleep deprivation 

But I still maintain FAITH. I will solve all of my problems, needs & voids & go above & Beyond, quickly & sustainably. 

To ongoing growth, to progress, to infinite knowledge & infinite growth. 

My goals have been slowed down by factors seeming "out of my control", but tbh most of these were preventable, I just wasn't a "strategic motherfucker" 

I desire to become a "time master", the Mythical god with eagle eyes, who can see into the future & direct the present towards the future, considering all possibilities, contingencies,  & probabilities.... Never losing sight of priorities, time & discipline always contained by sustainable tools, & living constantly with a sense of purpose ... never falling back into sloth, or addictions (SUBTLE ADDICTIONS, OH YEH, THOSE ARE SCARY AINT THEY? MMM YEH THEY ARE SCARY AS FUCK, NEVER FORGET THE SUBTLE ADDICTIONS, COS I WON'T EVEN NOTICE I HAVE THEM WITHOUT AWARENESS)

 

My major 3 self help habits to build & maintain : 

1. Daily to do list + top 3 priorities list 
2. Weekly & Monthly Google calendar 
3. Daily journal > Reflections, lessons, Insights 

WITHOUT THESE 3 ... I WILL FAIL. 

TO DO LIST

SCHEDULLING 

JOURNAL 

 

Edited June 15, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

To anyone who likes reading my journal : I am making a new Journal

By having some readers it creates this imaginary sense of accountability & duty to not fuck up anymore & conquer my life so I can inspire others who have suffered (& so I can make my ego happy  )

 

Why new journal & what will change? 

1. I want a fresh start
2. I want to write less often, write more concisely & say more with less

This has multiple positive benefits :

• If I am concise, I build up my communication skills ("What am I really trying to say here" (Leo Gura) )
• I get straight to the point > therefore it's easier to pick out the lessons & insights within my posts 
• I waste less time waffling & stuck in thought loops (Better to meditate) 
• It's more neat > easier to read back through my journal & see the progress, reflect & remind myself of the lesson /Insights 

 

• & Most importantly > Mental Clarity >... Take a step back, think about why I am doing this, the vison ... How I should strucutre it ... and then let the "high yield technique" do it's thing for a year or 2. ..

(Structure > Content)

Edited June 17, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

My god I just forgot how important music is. I just love music. It's so fucking useful. 

I was stuck in a ocd thought loop, addicted to thinking, wasting my precious life thinking in loops ... 

Then I heard Johnny Cash. I forgot how much I like Johnny Cash. 

Everytime I bore myself with overthinking & get out of the present moment, I listen to music. But good music, real music.

Modern music just isn't cutting it for me, sometimes it does, but it's like 1 song out 50 songs is great & moves me, amongst all the trash.

But the timeless classics, they will always be there, bringing me back out of my head, in to my body, my intution & hopefully the present moment. 

 

[Striving for more]

Stage red Energy. 

Been procrastinating this evening, "because my mind's tired" ... Excuses. 

I'm being a little fucking bitch. 

I use anger now. No time for forum for a few days, internet addiction, thinking addictions, hyperstimulation. 

The enemy is coming for me. Litterally has a gun to my fucking head. 

If i don't succeed big this year I fucking die. I will kill myself at least. High stakes. 

0 procrastination tomorrow, let's get away from this place. lets go, feeling competitive as fuck. With myself & the world 

PICK UP, TECHNOLOGY, MILLIONS IN THE BANK, INFNITE ENERGY, MEDITATION, HOLISTIC PEAK PHYSICAL HEALTH, SUSTAINED INTO "OLD AGE", LIVE TILL 200, WILL LOOK 30 WHEN I'M 100. INFNITE CREATIVITY. INFITIE SEX WITH FUCKING GODESSES, 

3 MEXICAN GIRLS, 10/1O SUCKING MY DICK. 

MILLIONS IN THE BANK. FREEDOM. INFINITE CREATIVITY, JOY & SUCCESS. POWER. PERSONAL POWER. 

STAGE RED TIME. TIME TO FIGHT. TIME TO GET DIRTY. DIRTY WITH MY DESIRES. I WANT 3 MEXICAN GIRLS ON MY DICK. 

IF U CATCH ME ON THIS FORUM AGAIN THIS WEEK. PUNCH ME IN THE FUCKING FACE & SHOOT MY FUCKING DICK OFF. 

[Striving for more]

I'm so fucking shit & useless. 

Trying to package items to sell & other items to get refund. I can't even do it. I'm fucking retarded. 

wht would take most people 2 minutes, it takes me hours. so fucking useless. 

I've lost so much life to jus tbeing slow & dumb. I hating myself again. 

I said I wouldn't write but now I am here again, because I actually tried to do stuff but I'm fucking slow. 

I broke the fucking packaging & ripped the bubble wrap. I can't even understand instructions. 

I hate myself again. I leave the forum stilll & become introverted because when I hate myself, I fucking hate everyone els.e 

[Striving for more]

Started to lose my head a bit before. 

Have done a lot today. Slept better too. 

Have listed many of my clothing items & taken photos of items I don't need anymore. 

Have tidied my room completely & I worked out for the first time in months. 

I also meditated in the morning & I plan to keep this habit for life. It took me a while to convince myself that it's even worth it but recently I realised like ooh shit there's probably nothing more important. 

I will need more direct experience to see if I benefit from it. But my gut & the reddit anecdotal reports tell me that it's well fucking worth it. 

No I am not competing with anyone. I can empathise with others but no need to compete or compare myself, that is just a stupid mind trick to get me back into old neurotic patterns. 

It's been a very productive 2 days, apart from some short - lasting psychological backlash. 

Been listening to pick up theory every time I clean up or do chores & it's starting to make sense. I believe in myself & that I can become a social butterfly this year, with great networking, social & dating skills. It just takes experience. I don't have to be a loner or a moody guy anymore, I do not deserve that.

I deserve whatever I desire in every area of life, I will just need patience, perseverance & clear intentions & my intentions are already clear. So to patience & perseverance.

I can really feel my creativitiy muscle strengthening too. The ideas & interconnections just don't stop, it's like a waterful of creative ideas. I just need to get better at storing & integrating them. Voice notes, voice to text google keep, 1 note & microsoft whiteboard, tools like these will help. 

I need to not forget about my idea to create a course, it's a great idea with a good outlined plan, but I must incubate it whenever I have time or it will fade away & I'll lose interest. 

I don't feel good mentally right now at all, but there is still a sense of optimism & gratitude. 

I thank god for my oppurtunities, for the goldmine of information available & for the awareness of how precious these oppurtunities are. I thank god that I I've built myself out of a life long rut in the last 2 years, and although I have long way to go, I can really feel the positive grooves starting to carve.

 

I don't want to waste time so I cba to journal much for the next couple weeks. I'm off on the heroes journey, maybe I'll die along the way. I don't care. I'm taking the risks. 

[Striving for more]

Hello younger self. Hello Future self. 

I forgot about this Journal. 

The N (Intuition) in me decided to come back to this. Trying to get in the reflective, pensive zone. 

Quote

This life is precious, how did I not realize this earlier, that there's nothing to lose & life so precious.

I'm growing, but it's so slow, I want this to speed up, I know I have to work & work harder & some patience or I'll blow everything away, but for fucks sake I need things to move forward. I prey to god

So what's changed since?

Well I experienced partial growth within the summer, but I fell into many traps & patterns I didn't prepare for & anticipate, but because I at least took a leap of faith & went out in to the world, left my home quit job & experienced life, I learnt a ton about myself and about the world and people. 

But in terms of all the things I wanted, women, hot sex, business connections, life set up, setting up legal means to permanently move oversees ... 

I had the chance to set this up, I had months but I messed about too much, got too hooked on alcohol, wasn't strategic enough, ect.. ok I get the picture I'll stop, I had to learn the hard way I guess. 

I have 0 regrets about all the life savings money I wasted, although I wish I had bought more crypto at the right moment, but I have 0 regrets about the life experiences I got. 

The problem now is though, I'm back stuck where I was 6 months ago. I'm with family, i'm being held back by their mediocrity & it hurts. 

Yes I am responsible, of course. But just by nature of influence it really holds me back, I've been back with family well over a month now & it's time to leave. 

Unfortunately I didn't plan so I'm going to have to risk what money I have left & take everything with me, only this time there is legal risks too, but I know where I have to go & I know my heart needs this. 

This is round 2. This is adventurer round 2 except this time I have 3 options : 

1. Quickly build my online income to at least $3k Per month profit but ideally $5K & manage this whilst building social revenue & mastering pickup 

2. Very quickly build deep social connections because if i have financial or legal issues friends will cover it, trust me people in self help underestimate the value of social currency, 

3. Play it safe & stay at home town & spend another 2 months being miserable but properly planning stuff out legally & financially 

No.3 just doesnt sit with me. I can't, I am capable of using logic & strategy, but not when emotions are involved. 

I am going to fuck the law & book a coach very soon. 

Take alll my shit with me. 

I need to do this quick. 

I want to feel alive this christmas. I must be in foreign country & I must at least interact with pretty women, I must see lights & hear music & I want "spiritual" time. I want some MDMA, maybe even a little joint here or there.

But I'm not talking about the b.s british be a lazy slob & get preyed on by capitalist daddy santa type "spiritual". I'm talking real spiritual, spirtural that connects to pain, aliveness, risk, adventure, & some eventual catharsis. 

AND NOW IM REALLY FUCKING FRUSTRATED. 

AH, I wish I was less privacy oriented & partially ashamed of my existence because then I would write such less cryptically, Like most of my "so no i'm doing this & plan this" paragraphs are so fucking cryptic. 

This is why I probably create a new account. But I have some attachment to this journal, my old younger brother of months ago, I love u, but u are me. 

Ok, focus. Ego is creating distraction mechanisms now ... And where was I? 

Look, I've grown a lot the last few months. BUT ... BUT?? >>> I COULD HAVE GROWN SOOO MUCH MORE. GAINED SOO MUCH MORE. 

Look, I've grown enough not to wallow, I'm not wallowing this time, but literally I could have grown so much more, & I can't allow these growth gaps to reoccur, never again. 

I ate bread this evening. As I was eating it I didn't even enjoy it, I felt inmediately pissed off afterwards, & I know this will effect my sleep quality. 

I am going to wake up at 6am tomorrow. 

I can't wait to jump into another country. Arhhh man I need risk in my life, I need adventure. I know what I'm like. I'm like a warrior thrown in to this bullshit world of cereal and foot fetishes & people watching other people watching other people on TV, whilst judging them & scratching their head as they emotionally & cognitively numb themselves to "sleep" before waking up to have "just another day in this predictable life I resigned to I guess". 

Stop focusing on others. Stop. 

see what I mean, I ate some bullshit food today. The bread is the worst on my stomach. 

But I ate 4/5 bowls of sugary cereal. I have been clean for 2 months. 

Positives : 

• No Fap Day 18 
• No Cigarettes > Day 30 (25-30 ish) 
• Not much alcohol 
• Lots of weight lifting 

BUT ^^ ALL THIS SHIT ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS TO ME. 

What I Reallly Care about : 

• Lifestyle > Adventure, Hobbies, social life, night life, women 
• Pick up, getting out comfort zone, social psychological emotional personal growth 
• Business & Escaping the rat race & having time for hobbies, personal passions & interests 
• Money, better clothes better teeth better grooming 
• Money = Life coach, 
• Productivity 
• Mercury detox, no plastics >> Intellectual & cognitive improvements : 
• No more ADHD, Hyperfocus & creativity & workflow & able to leverage my true INTP/ENTP Side or whatever the fuck I am 

 

Most important 

• The place I live / SPIRITUAL STRATEGIC LOGISTICS 
• Pick up / Women + charisma = Not just sex but confidence, social status, feeling connected, alive, like an actual human not some incel self help robot 
• Creativity - No more brain fog or ADD > I have so many fucking biz ideas but how do I org them, stick to them, make them happen, I gotta minimize 1st bu.
• Hobbies - Relates to passion, why only find love in your life purpose? No I will always love certain hobbies & refuse to stop doing them apart from temporarily if I have to tripple down on a goal

 

Now i'm feeling gulity about writing this journal. I CAN'T STRUCTURE MY THOUGHTS I CAN'T. 

I hope this wasn't a waste. 

Like I said before, Everything I do has to have a result, either sucess or a lesson learnt, nothing else. No single word no signle journal no single nothing can veer outside of those paramaters. 

Younger bro of this journal I love you, I am doing this for you now. The part of you that died in frustration when you got so stuck couldn't fulfill any basic needs. 

The part of you that's dying to grow & get the basics out the way & express himself authentically in every aspec of life, that's screaming to just be who he is, which is so so different to how most peple are & it's easy to be pushed back into a corner not being truly authentic. 

 

Edited December 15, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Quote

• Progress is faster ... with less intense down swing,  IF you do not hate yourself on your mistakes, lapses
• It's the hate & neuroticism that turns a micro mistake or micro backlash into a longer lasting one. 

Time to practice self acceptance. Self Compasison. 

No hate towards myself, no hate towards others. Complete forgiveness. 

Tony Robbins. Goodnight. 

I need to stop referring to my mum & step dad as mediocre. 

I love my mum & she is a good person. It's painful that she'll never get to experience the kind of freedom & life mastery I am striving for, but I have to let that go & accept that she is happy enough, overworked & unhealthy but she has some hobbies & finds meaning in her job caring for others. 

Need to let go of my perfectionist mindset now & only focus on myself. 

Stop thinking now. 

Edited December 14, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Quote

Like I said before, Everything I do has to have a result, either sucess or a lesson learnt, nothing else. No single word no signle journal no single nothing can veer outside of those paramaters. 

Walking back from gym today. 

"Why does everyone want one specific life purpose? what the fuk. One? Cmon bro. One? 

FUcking bitch only 1 life purpose? life is my purpose, i'm gonna do everything & fuck the world & be everything, king of the world and ... "

"And the practical guides & ebooks & the language course & the travel guide & then Ima make a youtube channel soon & Ima be a celebrity but I'ma also be that suave anonymous guy who travels around & I'ma be a party nut head but I'ma also be wearing a suit leading a master mind group as the leader on a 100 storey high looking out in New york sometimes & I'm 

I can't be everything. Allthough I'll admit the "1 life purpose" thing is bullshit in my sitation, i'm just born to be a davinci type, 

But still, I will admit that I can still only really do a couple things at once, if I'm unlucky, & if i'm unlucky maybe only 1 thing. Fukk, 

I mean ...

This is all a pipe dream right now, time to focus on base survival first,

Focus, u li'lll bitch. What? why am i calling myself a bitch? SHUT UP BITCH.  

 

Edited December 15, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

TOMORROW I WILL WAKE UP AT 6AM !!! 

Challenge accepted. 

STRONG URGE TO FAP!! 

Very strong, horny thoughts of hot women curvy ass american college girl with & her milf step mum. STOP. NONO. 

19 Days of no fap this evening. 

I have to make it to 30 days guys. 

NO FAP NO EDGE NO PORN, FOCUS ON MY GOALS

I have to achieve something these past few months. 

It's lame sure I know but it's better than nothing. 

City night lights in the night sky. 

I need these, I need an aparment with this kinda view in cool city. 

I love night life, I love the night. 

I wake up at 6am right now because i'm focused on work, but when I get the money, I need these night views, I need girls & parties round at my place, looking in to the night sky. 

Alright I'm done dreaming right now return to my undesrired life be humble focus work & work some more give it some years you'll have this focus now fuck. 

Edited December 15, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Ah fuck I'm so bored & lonely right now. 

It's really hard not to fap & drink. And it's hard not to smoke & it's hard to stay productive & post these items & then work on online after that. I have to push myself till late hours, procrastinated already the last 2 hours. 

Counterintuitive, unless I work I wont fix my basic needs again, AGAIN. 

But the mind wants to dsitract and watch utube & masturbate & drink & look at hot women on google. 

NOOOO I WILL WIN TONIGHT. AND I WILL WAKE UP 6AM. NO MORE JOURNALLING JUST HAD TO BE MORE HONEST HERE. 

I AM VERY MISSING SOCIAL INTEREACTION RIGHT NOW, BUT I HAVE TO BE A MAN & DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE UNLESS I MOVE OUT, SELL ALL MY STUFF & WORK THEN I'LL STAY HERE FOR A LONG TIME. 

Ok, I got that out of my system, the honesty is refeshing, I am very alone right now. I just have to work and have faith that in hopefully some weeks time I may have moved out by then & I will have a plan. 

Edited December 15, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

I just lost 1 Hour. I wasted 1 hour & then I thought "oh why don't I just fap then". Nope. 

But i just wasted an hour, perhaps more I didn't time it. 

1 whole hour + I slacked off into a cloudy daze of procrastination. But anxiety snapped me out of it

u see, anxiety is useful in short bursts, "FUCK I'M GONNA DIE, I'M GETTING OLDER EVERYDAY". 

Then I felt intense lonelyness & propspective regret, imagining myself regretting in a years time. I don't want that again. 

Back to work now, still gonna make the most of tonight, still gonna wake up at 6am & I will not hate myself for this. 

I NEED HUNGER, PROCRASTINATION IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN UR TRULY HUNGER. CONNECT WITH PASSION, EVERY BORING JOB & WORK IM DOING I NEED THE CAPITAL REMIND MYSELF I USE THE CAPITAL FOR GREATER THINGS, SO MUCH POTENTIAL. LETS GO MAN. 

 

Edited December 15, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

(This doesn't make sense : I am busy I have to start work call)

>>> For later >>

Insight, Insight gradually building : That life is shockingly simple

** Life is shockingly simple & I always overlook simplicity , I overcomplicate & get lost in the weeds, when the simple solution was just staring at me in the face the whole time. 

Although the paradox is that life is also shockingly complex, & many times we oversimplify that which we don't understand, failing to realize the complexities & nuance

So life is both simple & complex. But the former perspective is one which I'm only beginning to deeply grasp only recently, noticing all the simple solutions I've overlooked my entire life, how my mind tangles itself in to a sticky web. 

Just use Facebook, Just fucking use Facebook & other apps. . All this time I wasted worrying worrying "i'm alone everyone got their groups how do I travel how do I meet people" U CAN ALWAYS JUST USE FACEBOOK

Rent? JUST USE FACEBOOK. 

Anchoring / NLP 

>> Using Anchoring for getting outa bed. 

Had a snoozing problem MY ENTIRE LIFE! 

I Think once I apply this new knowledge, this problem is permanetly solved

send link video anchor + tony robbins 

alarm fav song anchoring ...

Cold approach polish girl report > I APPROACHED, 

Returned my toothbrush > simple step creates winner effect. 

still terrified of aging, death, regret & rumination, still needs much work.

 

Edited December 16, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

^^^ Great insights above they're left mostly empty - will return to that & edit but in ADD Mode right now. 

 

No More Hasanabi, no more random videos or joe rogan. 

It's Targeted videos like these I love. Funny how the answers & wisdom I need tends to come from those with almost no subscribers. 

Really like this guy. (Ooh what was that thought : I actually don't want to share him because I don't want other guys to watch this video & have the same advantage as me ... wow my psychee hasn't changed much).

I still haven't completely 100% let go of what people think yet. Something within my psyche is holding back. I think I am less fake & filtered than the average joe, but alas there is tons of work to do, this can be another psychological goal of mine, to become completely unfiltered. It's a huge aspect of charisma, one reason I am exited to return to my game journey again, the journey went for in summer but failed laughably, but I approached it all wrong so no negativity.

Man, my brain really thinks about too much at once, I've got bills to pay.

 

Today I ate too late, bad life long pattern. I was really tired & then I ate chicken & that made me energized & sharp some strange reason, the issue is becoming energized & sharp in the evening for me makes me binge youtube & tasty bad food. 

I think reason being is even if I feel great in the evening, my mind has a strong fixed nerual evening association to slacking off - so this evening fuel will only serve to make me slack off overkill until 3am typically. d

Edited December 16, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Magic Fucking Mushrooms. 

Microdosing Starts Soon. I Need Enhanced Intuition Enhanced Energy Enhanced Perception Drive Creativity EQ. 

Lets see what happens. 

But I have to let go of the Magic Pill Mindset.

I used to do this with Modfainil, "is it kicking in yet, am I focused yet, FUCK it better make me focused, ok let me go for a walk & get my sunlight & listen to this intelligent podcast & then testosterone then come back then create my overcomplicated 50 point to do list & then" ... & then I hadn't just done the simple things I needed to do. Still useless. 

I'd take the modafinil, but nothing would change, I was still unemployed using credit cards, single & procrastinating. 

But That's because I was oiling up with a broken engine. 

This time I'm changed, well I'm chaning & I think I'm ready to get benefit out of Microdosing, perhaps a boost I need to Turbo charge my life, perhaps a useless gimmick. 

ARHHH I WANT TO SMOKE. I KNOW THAT ONCE I START SOCIALIZING AGAIN THE CUES WIL GET ME AGAIN, THIS EVIL HABIT BUT I LOVE IT STILIL, HOW DO I DROP MY LOVE FOR THAT BITTER BEER & THOSE FUMES INHALATION & BREATHING INTO THE NIGHT SKY ARHHH. MAN. 

 

I just had this thought? Am I just making this journal for anonymous attention ... Am I even really serious? 

Fuck. 
Am I addicted to this journal, am I just feeding my narcissism. 

Fuck. 

Maybe it's time to delete this shit.

Edited December 16, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

I just permanently solved my snoozing problem.

It's Programmer Time. 

Every stupid thing I do is just run on a program. 

Time to create new nodes. 

Time for some stage blue Soldier habits, stage yellow creativity. 

Time for stage Sigma.

Edited December 18, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

Brake. Quickly jot down distracting insights. 

• British & Americans are annoying 
• Foreign guys tend to have the best English, because they worked on it harder, but what holds them back is their talking speed, hence I normally listen to them on 2X Speed. I'm not sure if there's simple solution, It's not easy of course but maybe they need more cognitive adaptation, constantly listening to others on 2X Speeds & having the mindset of deliberately talking faster than theyre baseline because although it's physically strenous, this makes it easier to hold listeners attention as foreign guy. Need to stay aware of this fact myself speaking otros. 

 

• If game really fucks up some reason But my online career works out, I can always just move to Thailand. 
• THis is last resort, pollution pretty bad there though. 
• I guess happiness more important than pollution, Last resort saved to memory. 

 

• Why do I sweat so much?  
• Going meta - Learning how to learn, 80/20 rule, I can achieve what might take me 10 years in 6 months. 
• It's all about high yield technique, life is a race. Just blindly working hard inefficiently cost me so much time. 
• I need AI Lvl of effiecency in everything I do now. 
• Always find the shortcut, always find the 80/20. Always find the fastest route, then even faster.

 

• Pre mortem technique, never lose the big picture again. 
• Medium & long term planning needs to increase. 
• Need start timeblocking my whole week every Sunday >> Reduce decision fatigue, procrastination & overwhelm. 

 

• I Need to Reset Specific goals with time limit again >> Must have the basics. 

 

1. Specific goals with time limit & clear sub steps / milestones 
2. Pre mortem list 
3. Time block weekly scheduling 

No b.s this time. In fact, no more journalling posts allowed until I have articulated my goals & devised a plan. 

This merely being theory is a waste. Not having clearly articulated goals = background anxiety. I have goals, but there is no plan time limit or pre mortem. So they might as well not exist yet. 

I am strategic, I am organized, I am efficient, I am effective, I am productive, I find the shortcuts & achieve my 10 year goals in 6 months. 

My life is changing drastically instantly.