Transcending Old/Longer-Term Relationships and Friendships

[NatureB]

I have been friends with these two guys for 12 years, since we were in 7th grade together. Their names are Wyatt and Edgar.

I have trouble relating to Wyatt and Edgar nowadays because our paths have been so different. I have been into game, reading, personal development, meditation, the rest of it for at least 4 years now, while they have not. They have had girlfriends during this time so they were comfortable, but I only had short lived relationships which made me hungry to develop myself. I can't relate to them smoking weed every day or whatever else it is that they do, nor do I want to. I suspect that I am friends with them out of habit and some comfort.

Wyatt recently invited me to go snowboarding with him this snow season, and I want to decline. I want to say no in a straightforward manner and not avoid the fact that I am consciously distancing myself from him and Edgar in an effort to let the relationship fade to nothing.

My Question: How can I say without leading to unnecessary hard feelings while also being precise? I just want to say "Hey man, I appreciate the invite but I wanted to tell you that I have not been enjoying our friendship for a while now. I don't feel completely connected and I even have troubles being my whole self around you. I will have to decline, and I want to say that I think it is time for each of us to make different friends. We have been on different paths for a long time now and there are better fits for each of us in the world if we care to find them. I love you and I will see you around here and there."

Or should I tell him in person and see what happens? "The truth hurts and then it sets you" free kinda thing. I imagine that would renew our friendship but I don't want that.

TL;DR Not feeling very excited about a long term friendship, how to cut it off or limit it in a nice, firm way so I can move on with my social life and make new friends?

Edited December 29, 2020 by NatureB

[Arcangelo]

Yeah that's what self development does.

1 hour ago, NatureB said:

"Hey man, I appreciate the invite but I wanted to tell you that I have not been enjoying our friendship for a while now. I don't feel completely connected and I even have troubles being my whole self around you. I will have to decline, and I want to say that I think it is time for each of us to make different friends. We have been on different paths for a long time now and there are better fits for each of us in the world if we care to find them. I love you and I will see you around here and there."

If you say that to his face, WOW! you are my hero. That takes HUGE balls to do.

What I did was block them or stop answering their texts and calls, I was a coward. I wish I had the balls to at least write them a letter, they deserved an explanation.

Good luck

 

Arc

Edited December 29, 2020 by Arcangelo
grammar

[NatureB]

@Arcangelo Wow thank you man! I really appreciate your support!

If you don't mind, I am just curious if your reasons for ending your friendships are similar to mine?

[Arcangelo]

I fired almost all my friends out of my life.

Reasons: -Pathological liar (Som)

                 -Drug dealer with anger issues (Jay)

                 -Scammer (Freddy)

                 -Took advantage of my kindness/ used me to get high (Dee)

                 -Stole weed from me (Elle)

Dee was the most difficult to cut loose. The only thing I regret was not doing it earlier.

 

Do you feel angry/depressed/used after hanging out with these friends?

[PepperBlossoms]

@NatureB You could approach it like: I really appreciate you but I want my own space right now.

[PepperBlossoms]

@Arcangelo Wow.  I try to cut people out (push them away) and then feel like I need them after that and then try to bring them back but then they don't want to come back after that.

It is hard to push them away and then stick to it.