Balancing different modes of communication.

[RickyBalboa]

Over the years of self-actualization my way of communicating has become largely more impersonal. Less use of 'I' and 'you'. I sort of talk into the air and let people grab from it rather than speaking 'at' somebody. It has begun to effect my relationships in a way that makes them feel weaker and sometimes unnecessary. Which is sort of scary. I tend to get closer to the heart of an issue faster but risk others taking offense to the content of my message. It just seems to be a byproduct of seeing straight to the truth. The ideal thing would seem to be if other individuals could pacify their reflexes to taking offense. That's what I have done and its rewarded me in feeling less suffering and again getting closer to the center of obvious issues. Howeve, instilling this in others is out of my control. 

I know I can't be alone in this and wonder what were your responses to this happening. Are you pushing through that discomfort and continue to search for truth in the face of making everyone around you upset or do you backpedal and try to find some sort of medium or compartmentalize for the sake of maintaining some sort of adhesion to typical social customs?

 

Edited September 5, 2020 by RickyBalboa

[Farnaby]

@RickyBalboa I've had similar experiences. 

An idea that helps me with this is: "you gotta meet people where they're at".

For instance, if a friend tells you "I feel bad because X person did so and so to me". From your POV you could think "he's suffering because he's attached to his ego, and his pride was hurt". 

You're probably right. But saying this to your friend would come across as insensitive/lack of empathy at that moment, because he's feeling hurt and he needs someone to acknowledge this, not to explain to him why his feelings stem from an illusion.

Of course this is just an example, not saying that this is how you would react. But maybe the attitude is similar? Like you position yourself as an expert who knows the truth and this can be perceived as insensitive or arrogant?

I struggle with this as well. What I've found to be helpful is to "feel into" the situation, and refrain from saying anything that wouldn't be received well. The reason is: even if you're right, he/she will get triggered and won't listen to that truth anyway. 

 

[RickyBalboa]

 @Farnaby

I've heard that statement thrown around here a lot and I can see it's value in terms of developing rapport with people in your immediate surrounding. However, I feel like I'm not maintaining honesty as It's requires me to say something other than what I'm actually thinking when they ask me for advice. Right now, one of my biggest values that I'm trying to practice is honesty. So you can see the conflict involved there. 

But as far as the example you gave, you are 100% right, that's pretty much what I'm thinking in my head. You've got me pegged me as far as that goes. I can empathize or sympathize usually depending on the situation. But the fork in the road comes when its time to respond. I at that point put myself in the persons shoes and feel the impulse to say what I would tell myself if I were in the situation then work backward from there. I know that wont go over well and end up mumbling out something I can only imagine would come out from some movie script. I don't even do it half convincingly either. It comes out something like "Oh..... yeh man.... thats..... rough, I've had my feelings hurt too. Thats..... no... good." This is usually the route I go with less familiar people. So I try to be emotionally supportive which I suck at, or be completely honest and make people mad. I'm not sure I can even find a middle ground as there is no version of myself I can see with a script available to split those two paths.

Edited September 5, 2020 by RickyBalboa

[TripleFly]

In a lot of ways I envy you for giving so much of yourself away. 

I think it will take a woman to bring out the man you are and end your confusion.