Loneliness in Awareness and a Thank You to Leo

[SpaceLaika01]

Being awake and conscious, it is frustrating and sad to see the unconscious people around me especially my family. To think that if I had not questioned myself I would have most likely lived the rest of my life miserable and broken like the rest of my family and most of the people I am surrounded with. So much delusion and unconsciousness. It's one to look at the rest of the world and say "they are unconscious". It is painful to look to your own family and realize that you will never get the love you need from them. 

I am a 19 year old transgender woman. After coming to terms with that through all the meditation, self-reflection, and learning, and coming to my awakening I wanted to share it with the people I love/thought who loved me (my family). I was met with crushing disappointment from the reactions I got from them. They know nothing of what love is. They no nothing of anything but conditional love.They no nothing of consciousness. I see into them. They're all lost and fearful people. I know that I cannot blame them for their ignorance and unconsciousness. They just do not understand and probably may never understand.

It is painful to see the devils within the people you loved growing up. It is painful to see the devils all around you. It is painful to be alone in your understanding.

It is painful to speak and not be understood. It is painful to be conscious.

At the same time I am joyful because I am conscious and free to explore the universe in all its current beauty and love. I hope that one day, the world becomes conscious so that I may live among beings the same as I am, because fundamentally all beings are the same as I am, they just have to realize it. This universe is so beautiful and human ego has squandered much of it. I wonder if there will ever come a day where all beings on this earth are awakened to their true nature of the universe and live in beauty and frolic.

Thank you, Leo. I am glad I found your channel. I fear that if I had not found your channel, I might have been trapped forever and might have spent my whole life not understanding my own awakening and possibly gone back to living as a slave to ego. I resonate with everything you say because I have come to many of the same conclusions myself. I am glad I have found you all. With love - Mia

[Leo Gura]

Don't sit back and hope for the world to become conscious some day. Roll up your sleeves and get to work making it more conscious.

This is not a problem, this is an opportunity for you to shine.

As you get engaged in life purpose work, your feelings of not being understood will start to become irrelevant as your work will reach out and touch thousands of people.

[SpaceLaika01]

@Leo Gura My vision one day is to create a VR video game that could possibly induce awakening in people. Most people will probably just find it "fun", but maybe I can reach some people deeply the same way you and that painting above did for me. I'm working on it

[Leo Gura]

@SpaceLaika01 Good, but have some intermediate goals as well that you can realistically reach. Don't pin your life's work on any single thing. You want to start feeling the emotional payoff for your work by doing small projects and getting fan's reactions.

[Rigel]

Seems to me like you may be projecting your insecurities about yourself onto your family.

[SpaceLaika01]

@Rigel Hmmmmm I’m failing to understand what you mean, but sure maybe I am. Or maybe I just see the way they work and torment themselves to death chasing “happiness” that will never come. It took me a while to realize how dysfunctional my family is and how terrible it was to be dependent on them for anything substantial. Please don’t attribute my experience to some kind of imaginary insecurity. It’s probably more like underlying resentment that I will need to learn to let go of.