Artsu, Actually

[Artsu]

5 minutes ago, lmfao said:

I'm a physics student at uni but I've started to enjoy it less, kinda similar to you doing maths. So relatable predicament. 

Are you an NT though in mbti? You might be a better fit.

Im an NF, so more people based subjects are better for me.

Having said that, the education system sucks in general. Spirituality trumps science for the most part.

 

Edit: i want to learn quantum physics independently. I can do it, if i have the passion for it.

Edited August 8, 2020 by Artsu

[Artsu]

My studies started on monday, but i havent done the first weeks exercises yet.

Its like.,. I havent even started yet and i already want to quit.

[lmfao]

Well yeah I'm INTP. When I first started to not like physics, my feelings were that I wished I did pure math instead of physics. Because in physics courses they don't explain the origin of where the math and formulas come from in the way I liked. 

Even though I study math in my spare time a bit, I get bits and pieces of enjoyment but nothing really that that much. I've entered the flow state most or enjoyed math the most when I'm breaking things down into a bigger meaning. I made a "logic word map" for myself, finding associations between commonly used words in proofs e.g."every, if, then, where , for all" and symbols that operate in similar contexts to those words or operate at a slight permutation in order of objects listed. Or I liked researching new symbols to use. 

I don't enjoy computations and calculations of numbers as much as I enjoy concepts and structures. I've always been psychological and philsophical in temperament. And as cool as some of this stuff in science or math is, it's very "meh" to me overall, even if I discover some fascinating things I can temporarily enjoy. But spirituality and psychology and art stuff interests me more, even though I am no artist. 

So I'm just at a point where, I'm trying to reconcile making money and what to do with life. I recently had an enlightenment experience and it made me conscious of the fact that everything is meaningless, and given that's so, what do I still want to do in life? 
 

[Artsu]

Sounds cool man.

Life isnt meaningless. Meaningless is an emotion.

[Artsu]

Just read 2 of the articles from required reading. So boring

I dont know if i want to do this degree, but if i dont do it i have very limited work prospects. But i dont want to work anyway.

Idk. This sounded like the best degree for me to do. Ive been going on about how i finally have my life sorted out. 4 years studying this degree part time, then on to work as a policy analyst. This degree is my chance, and im feeling like id rather not take it.

I'll do this weeks exercises today. I dont want to make any hasty decisions just yet. But i dont know if i can do this degree, or any other degree for that matter.

Maybe ill just be jobless, with a maths degree that i didnt enjoy and couldnt use. Blehhh

[Artsu]

Kinda wanna just spend my life developing myself, and helping others, whether in clear or subtle ways.

I feel like the work life path may have essentially ended years ago, with my shamanic initiation. But i have held onto the idea for years, out of fear that i wont be able to have a stable life without a job. Maybe its time to finally let go.

[Artsu]

Went up to the university library, trying to find inspiration. There's so little worthwhile. All the subjects are terrible. Science, social science. I looked at a Plato book that was readable, but is no longer particularly relevant to me. I looked at a physics book by Feynman. He's a cool person. I might learn quantum physics one day, might not.

Heading back home now to do the homework...

[Artsu]

Got my exercises done for the week. Didn't take too long, but I felt drained and dejected afterwards.

So I put on Bebe Rexha ft Nicki Minaj - No Broken Hearts, and poured myself a drink.

Now to pour another! ; D

[Artsu]

Change of plans.

Instead of doing the masters, i will exit after just under half the time with a graduate certificate. This should give me about 2/3 of the work qualification, and is a much more realistic goal at this point.

Also, i aim to study quantum physics independently next year. It is an optimal time because i will be up at the university where i know there are books on it. I also want to study ecological networks, and i can do that any time. These 2 things will be like a personal capstone to my maths degree.

Edited August 11, 2020 by Artsu

[Artsu]

On 09/08/2020 at 2:11 PM, Artsu said:

Went up to the university library, trying to find inspiration. There's so little worthwhile. All the subjects are terrible. Science, social science. I looked at a Plato book that was readable, but is no longer particularly relevant to me. I looked at a physics book by Feynman. He's a cool person. I might learn quantum physics one day, might not.

Heading back home now to do the homework...Went up to the university library, trying to find inspiration. There's so little worthwhile. All the subjects are terrible. Science, social science. I looked at a Plato book that was readable, but is no longer particularly relevant to me. I looked at a physics book by Feynman. He's a cool person. I might learn quantum physics one day, migh

I had a cool insight into quantum physics. I think I can sort of see what is going on.

Let there aren't multiple universes, it's just a fuzzy field of uncertainty everywhere.

Things on the smallest level are uncertain until something forces it to be certain. So while uncertain it is interacting with itself in different locations.

Reality is still as it seems.

[Artsu]

This is post 664. Soon will be post 666.

I'm so happy with my life.

I don't mean to say that i am happy. 

But the way my life has gone is incredible.

Edited August 13, 2020 by Artsu

[Artsu]

Post 667.

@Keyhole

 

[Artsu]

And for the rest of yall?

 

[Artsu]

Its friday, time to do my homework.

I dont wanna leave it till the sabbath like last time. That limits what i can do. Its more difficult because i have to do the homework while resting.

Just gotta get around to it...

[Artsu]

Social alchemy is fun.

Lately I've become more social by hanging out with NTs, while simultaneously shifting to be more INFP.

It sounds so contradictory and absurd, but it's what's happening. i love it.

[Artsu]

Life is pretty much as good as it's gonna get.

I have extra income due to covid, and I'm becoming more outgoing. I have the material that i ask for, including good living conditions.

The main thing that would do me good i think is more companionship, but its not like i dont already have a lot of that.

Of course, existence in the spirit world will be so much better, from almost the start.

[Artsu]

Actually, more psychosis/journeying, and less anti-psychotics/tranquilisers would also make things much better.

But nonetheless, i am currently living it up.

[Artsu]

Probably gonna withdraw from studies.

Was having a bad day but accomplished something and now feeling good, onto the drinks.

 

Also, you know who you are...

 

[Artsu]

I told my friends a secret.

The spirits said i shouldnt have done it. I dont know why i did, i should have known.

Their reaction sucked too. It was like they didnt recognise what I was saying. They thought it was crazy talk.

And now i have to adjust to the fact that i have told 2 more people about this.

 

Edit: i usually feel bad in the mornings, they are tough to deal with

Edited August 17, 2020 by Artsu

[Artsu]

I think I'll stop coming to the forum soon.

Too much of what I post is remnants of my pride, and that I need to leave behind.