Need some advice

[Jo96]

I’ve been an avid seeker for a lot of my life. Searching for truth and spiritual enlightenment (whatever that means). 
I’ve also come to the point in my search where it feels almost futile. For context I have a very full life. I have a family that loves me and a girlfriend and we are expecting a child together. My life is near perfect and I’m even satisfied but in truth there’s still a part of me that desires to give my all sorta like Leo did to the path of spirituality. I feel it in my heart that it is almost impossible to do it with such a full life. It is because my life is so full that there is not much room for much else but relationships and family and friends. 
 Is it possible to gain insight in my circumstances? In all honesty on the days I spend alone my mind seems more clear but then when I’m with family and friends and my relationship I get all tangled in there problems and faults and good aspects.. facing a hard decision but I’m considering leaving. Any advice for how I can decide more clearly ? 

[Nahm]

@Jo96

You’re attached to thoughts. That’s all. 

What do your practices look like? 

Imo, you’re afraid of fear because you don’t ‘sit with purification’. 

You bail on yourself, going to thoughts about yourself, past or future, or you weave someone else into it. So you are ‘believing in beliefs’ without realizing it. Believing the path is in a physical location, etc. That you could ‘go somewhere to it’. 

You’re not entangled with the problems, faults and aspects of others - those are your thoughts. You intuitively know this to be true, which is why even in having built a great life for yourself, there is still the unrest. 

[Jo96]

12 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Jo96

You’re attached to thoughts. That’s all. 

What do your practices look like? 

Imo, you’re afraid of fear because you don’t ‘sit with purification’. 

You bail on yourself, going to thoughts about yourself, past or future, or you weave someone else into it. So you are ‘believing in beliefs’ without realizing it. Believing the path is in a physical location, etc. That you could ‘go somewhere to it’. 

You’re not entangled with the problems, faults and aspects of others - those are your thoughts. 

Well this is exactly it. It just seems very futile. I stopped doing my practices. It felt like all of it was just entangling me further..maybe I do bail on myself? But then again I’m not aware so what can I even do? I guess my practice as of late is to just stop practicing and stop searching 

Edited June 23, 2020 by Jo96

[Nahm]

@Jo96

“What you seek is seeking you”. - Rumi

 

You probably just spent a lot of years, doing & learning a lot of things, working hard, developing & using your intellect to succeed, to make good of whatever cards you are dealt - day in, and day out. “Eating shit sandwiches, and managing to smile none the less, with clean teeth”. She needs a round peg, you became it. He needs a square peg, you became it. Probably feels like bending and twisting to be whatever part everyone and each situation needed, and you arose to the occasion, and did what was need, you were what was needed, whatever was needed. Got done what needed to get done. That probably has reached it’s ceiling. But this ‘ceiling’ is not of the doing, I suggest, the ceiling is of the way of experiencIng of the doing. The fundamental understanding of what experience, actually is. 

The doer paradigm in such a place might sound like.. “If this is it, I’m kinda...done with all this. It’s fine, but it ain’t what I’d hoped, and I can sincerely say I gave it my all. So maybe it’s time for me to just say fuck all this. Maybe there’s something I need to go see, or find.”

You might be ready for the reality check on this “doing”, and this “efforting”. 

 

There is often something at the base level, something most fundamental in understanding, that a seeker get’s ‘wrong’, which down the path inevitably must be understood, such that The One ‘breaks-through’. You might say, just as modern society has built itself on the fundamental misunderstanding that consciousness arises from matter (the body & brain), a seeker can begin their path & practices upon the fundamental misunderstanding that the seeking & practices are leading somewhere, that one is becoming something, that there is a finish line & celebration in which one is definitely, finally, “there”.  In either case, as you said, this is indeed futile. 

You probably did meditation daily for a while, maybe a retreat or two, knew some peace, and maybe, but probably not, tried psychedelics. I’m speculating on all of this obviously, but intuitively, I don’t believe you’ve done the inspection work. So now you’re at the place of “somethin ain’t workin here”. But I would offer that there is no call to figure out how to get ‘something’ working, but rather, to know & understand what ‘some’ ‘thing’ is. 

 

The non-doer paradigm...meditation, every morning and as needed again in the afternoon, is fundamental. Why? For a uniquely specific reason, which is counter-intellectual to society’s collective beliefs. Because it is the very activity of the mind, “ thinking / thoughts”, which stands to be seen through - stands to be known as the actuality of what it really is. 

The perfect peace a seeker seeks, is the very self of the seeker seeking. It is nowhere to be found. It can never be found. But seeking, it to seek, to look for this peace, for the Truth, everywhere. Of course, as you rightly note, it is the intuition, all along saying “I am here”.  Yeah, great, heard that a million times, right? How the fuck do “ I “ get “there” !? You don’t. You inspect, “here”. 

We’re all born ignorant, yada yada...and we learn we are ”doers”, “survivors”, “providers”, etc. It’s necessary, though it doesn’t ever quite “fit” for one in touch with that intuitive calling within. So that calling get’s mistakenly put on the back burner, as the duality of all dualities is assumed... “I can’t commit to the path cause I got x, y, and z I have to do...I’ll come back to ‘the path’ later, when x, y, and z are ‘all set’”. 

Doesn’t work that way. That’s noble in one sense, yet a hijacking of the intellect in another sense. 

 

That brings you back to that fundamental misunderstanding. The peace sought, is the formless self, which is appearing, manifesting, as “you”, and “this world”. Has been the whole “time”. When it is said that “waves” become particles via observation...there were never any actual “waves” observed. “Waves”, is theoretical, aka M theory, or String Theory, etc. Theories, like the entirety of general relativity and physics, based on the speed of light in perfect vacuum. It’s all based on assumption. There’s no ‘perfect vacuum’, there’s no ‘waves’...and still, intuition says, “I am here”. I think you’re done with theories, seeking, and believing, and it’s high time for the knowing. Life’s not slowing down. Your blessings are only increasing and expanding, and stand to be recognized as such, asap. 

You’ve completely underestimated the absolute power of letting go. You conceptualized it. You ‘shelved it’ with other ‘things’. ‘Other things’, all ‘things’, are Everything, and Everything is an appearance of - No thing. Even now as you’re reading this, you’re continuing to conceptualize letting go. You’re falling back on beliefs, that “letting go” is not the ‘answer’ you need. It is, you just don’t know the actuality of it yet, on the idea of it. If you’re thinking, “yeah, I do”...No you don’t. 

You are knowing experience as at-tension, because the intellect has hijacked attention, which is whole & divine, effortless, mystical and magical. 

You are knowing experience as a ‘focuser’, because the intellect has hijacked it...made it the experience of “my” “focus”. 

Thus in feeling, there is tension and many thoughts of many things needing your focus, many things you need to do, etc. This paints a glum picture of reality, of experience. 

What’s “needed”, is the knowing of what experience actually is. More specifically, the complete end of thoughts & beliefs of separation - “in” - experience. What you’re seeking is a perfect peace, which is absolutely, infinitely, freeing & satisfying. You found happiness in the world, in things, objects, relationships, experiences, feelings. You have not however realized the true nature of experience, is that of feeling...One. 

This is realized via inspecting what is here, now - “this”. The “ordinary”, this “mundane”. That is to say, the letting go of everything you believe, and everything you think you know, about everything. 

Meditation is then completely reinterpreted, recontextualized. No expectation of awakening or enlightenment, or of any gains of any kind. You’re probably thinking “I can’t believe I just read all that, got my hopes up, and he’s ending this rant on meditation being the answer here”. If so, politely, yet firmly, ask the person closest to you now, to slap you across the face, and go run cold water from the faucet on your head for a few minutes. 

The peace you’re seeking is the joy which is Being, appearing as “reality”. In meditation, and through out your day, every single arising thought must be let go. If a thought arises about “he’s making an enemy of thoughts though” - let that thought go to. Nothing “dies”, there is no death. There is nothing to fear, you’ve literally been making up “fear” you’re entire life. It doesn’t not exist. Try pointing to it if there is any question. Beliefs run far, far deeper than you’ve yet considered, and as such, letting go is infinitely deep. 

Breathe from your stomach, all day, every day. Consciously. You’ve been a “lung breathing sleeper” in a “physical world” - it’s a dream. This is literally a dream. Your dream. The Whole damn thing, is for you. Just for the experience of this very moment - and that is it. Not a second nor a single concern more. Presence. Now. 

You’re gonna wake up from it though. I can feel it in my bones. In the believing of, the attachment to, thoughts...this now seems to be some life sized story, which is overwhelming, and there is an inclination to ‘run’ from it, to intellectually figure out and solve “what I should do”. But there’s no “it” anyone could be running from. “It” is only the believing of thoughts, supported by an intellectual web of “me” “doing”. We’re all absolutely innocent in this. Any thoughts of the nature of “beating up on yourself”, let them go to. 

There is already the purification. You know it and I know it. It started a while back, and it’s well underway. You bought a front row seat to the shit show of the mindfuck sneakery of the intellect, the wrestling of the ox. Sit in the seat. It’s your seat. The seat is awareness. It does not come and go. Everything else does. Being’s timing is divine. You will see. There is a fluidity of this that it beyond conceptualizing, so you just relax, and when the shit show arises, you go sit somewhere alone, and cry/barf. Talk here, on the forum about it if you want, but don’t fall for the sneakery of the intellect, when it try’s to convince you it’d be a good idea to make this about someone else. That only prolongs the show. Awareness is absolute. Take your stand there. BE aware of the show. Release, release, release. No averting, no avoiding, no fantasying about running. Let all go in meditation, know some of this peace, be mindful of this peace through out your days. When the shit show kicks up, breathe from your stomach and relax. It can not hurt you. You are unhurtable, untarnishable, immovable - there is only the emptying of all the beliefs to the contrary. I can not possibly stress this enough - it is infinitely worth it. This peace is you - appearing as “you” and a “world”. It’s pure magic. 

 

 

 

 

[allislove]

@Nahm

Uff... bravo ?

[Jo96]

6 hours ago, dimitri said:

@Nahm

Uff... bravo ?

 

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Jo96

“What you seek is seeking you”. - Rumi

 

You probably just spent a lot of years, doing & learning a lot of things, working hard, developing & using your intellect to succeed, to make good of whatever cards you are dealt - day in, and day out. “Eating shit sandwiches, and managing to smile none the less, with clean teeth”. She needs a round peg, you became it. He needs a square peg, you became it. Probably feels like bending and twisting to be whatever part everyone and each situation needed, and you arose to the occasion, and did what was need, you were what was needed, whatever was needed. Got done what needed to get done. That probably has reached it’s ceiling. But this ‘ceiling’ is not of the doing, I suggest, the ceiling is of the way of experiencIng of the doing. The fundamental understanding of what experience, actually is. 

The doer paradigm in such a place might sound like.. “If this is it, I’m kinda...done with all this. It’s fine, but it ain’t what I’d hoped, and I can sincerely say I gave it my all. So maybe it’s time for me to just say fuck all this. Maybe there’s something I need to go see, or find.”

You might be ready for the reality check on this “doing”, and this “efforting”. 

 

There is often something at the base level, something most fundamental in understanding, that a seeker get’s ‘wrong’, which down the path inevitably must be understood, such that The One ‘breaks-through’. You might say, just as modern society has built itself on the fundamental misunderstanding that consciousness arises from matter (the body & brain), a seeker can begin their path & practices upon the fundamental misunderstanding that the seeking & practices are leading somewhere, that one is becoming something, that there is a finish line & celebration in which one is definitely, finally, “there”.  In either case, as you said, this is indeed futile. 

You probably did meditation daily for a while, maybe a retreat or two, knew some peace, and maybe, but probably not, tried psychedelics. I’m speculating on all of this obviously, but intuitively, I don’t believe you’ve done the inspection work. So now you’re at the place of “somethin ain’t workin here”. But I would offer that there is no call to figure out how to get ‘something’ working, but rather, to know & understand what ‘some’ ‘thing’ is. 

 

The non-doer paradigm...meditation, every morning and as needed again in the afternoon, is fundamental. Why? For a uniquely specific reason, which is counter-intellectual to society’s collective beliefs. Because it is the very activity of the mind, “ thinking / thoughts”, which stands to be seen through - stands to be known as the actuality of what it really is. 

The perfect peace a seeker seeks, is the very self of the seeker seeking. It is nowhere to be found. It can never be found. But seeking, it to seek, to look for this peace, for the Truth, everywhere. Of course, as you rightly note, it is the intuition, all along saying “I am here”.  Yeah, great, heard that a million times, right? How the fuck do “ I “ get “there” !? You don’t. You inspect, “here”. 

We’re all born ignorant, yada yada...and we learn we are ”doers”, “survivors”, “providers”, etc. It’s necessary, though it doesn’t ever quite “fit” for one in touch with that intuitive calling within. So that calling get’s mistakenly put on the back burner, as the duality of all dualities is assumed... “I can’t commit to the path cause I got x, y, and z I have to do...I’ll come back to ‘the path’ later, when x, y, and z are ‘all set’”. 

Doesn’t work that way. That’s noble in one sense, yet a hijacking of the intellect in another sense. 

 

That brings you back to that fundamental misunderstanding. The peace sought, is the formless self, which is appearing, manifesting, as “you”, and “this world”. Has been the whole “time”. When it is said that “waves” become particles via observation...there were never any actual “waves” observed. “Waves”, is theoretical, aka M theory, or String Theory, etc. Theories, like the entirety of general relativity and physics, based on the speed of light in perfect vacuum. It’s all based on assumption. There’s no ‘perfect vacuum’, there’s no ‘waves’...and still, intuition says, “I am here”. I think you’re done with theories, seeking, and believing, and it’s high time for the knowing. Life’s not slowing down. Your blessings are only increasing and expanding, and stand to be recognized as such, asap. 

You’ve completely underestimated the absolute power of letting go. You conceptualized it. You ‘shelved it’ with other ‘things’. ‘Other things’, all ‘things’, are Everything, and Everything is an appearance of - No thing. Even now as you’re reading this, you’re continuing to conceptualize letting go. You’re falling back on beliefs, that “letting go” is not the ‘answer’ you need. It is, you just don’t know the actuality of it yet, on the idea of it. If you’re thinking, “yeah, I do”...No you don’t. 

You are knowing experience as at-tension, because the intellect has hijacked attention, which is whole & divine, effortless, mystical and magical. 

You are knowing experience as a ‘focuser’, because the intellect has hijacked it...made it the experience of “my” “focus”. 

Thus in feeling, there is tension and many thoughts of many things needing your focus, many things you need to do, etc. This paints a glum picture of reality, of experience. 

What’s “needed”, is the knowing of what experience actually is. More specifically, the complete end of thoughts & beliefs of separation - “in” - experience. What you’re seeking is a perfect peace, which is absolutely, infinitely, freeing & satisfying. You found happiness in the world, in things, objects, relationships, experiences, feelings. You have not however realized the true nature of experience, is that of feeling...One. 

This is realized via inspecting what is here, now - “this”. The “ordinary”, this “mundane”. That is to say, the letting go of everything you believe, and everything you think you know, about everything. 

Meditation is then completely reinterpreted, recontextualized. No expectation of awakening or enlightenment, or of any gains of any kind. You’re probably thinking “I can’t believe I just read all that, got my hopes up, and he’s ending this rant on meditation being the answer here”. If so, politely, yet firmly, ask the person closest to you now, to slap you across the face, and go run cold water from the faucet on your head for a few minutes. 

The peace you’re seeking is the joy which is Being, appearing as “reality”. In meditation, and through out your day, every single arising thought must be let go. If a thought arises about “he’s making an enemy of thoughts though” - let that thought go to. Nothing “dies”, there is no death. There is nothing to fear, you’ve literally been making up “fear” you’re entire life. It doesn’t not exist. Try pointing to it if there is any question. Beliefs run far, far deeper than you’ve yet considered, and as such, letting go is infinitely deep. 

Breathe from your stomach, all day, every day. Consciously. You’ve been a “lung breathing sleeper” in a “physical world” - it’s a dream. This is literally a dream. Your dream. The Whole damn thing, is for you. Just for the experience of this very moment - and that is it. Not a second nor a single concern more. Presence. Now. 

You’re gonna wake up from it though. I can feel it in my bones. In the believing of, the attachment to, thoughts...this now seems to be some life sized story, which is overwhelming, and there is an inclination to ‘run’ from it, to intellectually figure out and solve “what I should do”. But there’s no “it” anyone could be running from. “It” is only the believing of thoughts, supported by an intellectual web of “me” “doing”. We’re all absolutely innocent in this. Any thoughts of the nature of “beating up on yourself”, let them go to. 

There is already the purification. You know it and I know it. It started a while back, and it’s well underway. You bought a front row seat to the shit show of the mindfuck sneakery of the intellect, the wrestling of the ox. Sit in the seat. It’s your seat. The seat is awareness. It does not come and go. Everything else does. Being’s timing is divine. You will see. There is a fluidity of this that it beyond conceptualizing, so you just relax, and when the shit show arises, you go sit somewhere alone, and cry/barf. Talk here, on the forum about it if you want, but don’t fall for the sneakery of the intellect, when it try’s to convince you it’d be a good idea to make this about someone else. That only prolongs the show. Awareness is absolute. Take your stand there. BE aware of the show. Release, release, release. No averting, no avoiding, no fantasying about running. Let all go in meditation, know some of this peace, be mindful of this peace through out your days. When the shit show kicks up, breathe from your stomach and relax. It can not hurt you. You are unhurtable, untarnishable, immovable - there is only the emptying of all the beliefs to the contrary. I can not possibly stress this enough - it is infinitely worth it. This peace is you - appearing as “you” and a “world”. It’s pure magic. 

 

 

 

 

I’m inspired man. Thank you..

[Nahm]

@Jo96

Thanks. Congrats on the baby btw. God is sending the highest of guru’s right to you. You will see.