nexusoflife

Why do some people run away from their Gift?

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My whole life I have known that I have a unique Gift. It has been readily apparent for as long as I can remember that I have an extraordinary mental aptitude, specifically for learning, speaking and communicating complex and nuanced subjects. Over the course of my life nearly everyone who has gotten to know me personally has told me in some way that I have a unique gift and that I should use it. The importance of not wasting my gift is always stressed in these interactions. Yet I feel like I have been running away from it. I feel that I have been running away from my destiny; running away from who I truly am.

As a result of much inner work I have had the very apparent realization I have a deep fear of my own greatness, my own ability, of my own power of expression in this life. I have only expressed my unique innate ability over the years occasionally in small amounts such as whenever I have had the opportunity to speak in front of a group of people, when I am in deep conversation with friends or when I share a profound insight online. The response has always been overwhelmingly positive. However, thus far in my experience of life the expression of who I truly am has been limited to small spurts. As a result this has created a significant disharmony within myself. I can feel the constricted energy in me every day. I can feel how the flow of it is blocked and it is painful mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically. I know who I truly am and exactly why I chose to incarnate on this specific planet. Over the past 6 years on my path of spiritual awakening I have had multiple nondual unitive experiences and yet I still run from my True Self. Why is this?

 I know that this subconscious fear of my True Self is a result of a core subconscious belief or a faulty definition that I have been operating with. My question is what core belief or definition do I have that is causing me to fear my own ability and greatness in life?

Whenever I have expressed my gift for speaking and communicating knowledge, afterwards I will be overcome by a feeling of, “there’s no way you could possibly live up to that”, I feel that I subconsciously relegate my residual self-image to something that is small and meek, unable to inspire others and live a powerful and truly profound existence. The feeling is of not being good / skillful enough or being unworthy. It is almost as if I am subconsciously repressing the expression of my True Self. This is infuriating and makes no sense to me because on a deep level at the core of my being I know exactly who I truly am and why I am here.

 I can feel the resistance in me even as I write this; as if some part of me does not want me to find out and let go of whatever core belief or definition is causing this inauthentic and constricted expression of myself. I feel that this is the biggest obstacle that I have to full self-actualization. I feel that whatever core belief I have that is generating the fear of my own greatness is causing me to subconsciously self-sabotage and place myself in undesirable circumstances so that I do not fully realize expression of my gift in life and thusly keep the current fear based ego configuration and remain small and inauthentic in my expression in life. I feel that this will continue until I stop fearing my own greatness, until I stop avoiding my destiny, until I live fully as the expression of as who I truly am in this life. Why am I so afraid to be me?

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Greatness, destiny, it all sounds like ego to me. In the end, it doesn't matter. God's will is always in motion, nothing is ever wrong. You're giving yourself (your avatar) too much importance.

I've done the same in the past, so I understand where it's coming from. Liberation comes from realizing that it's utterly meaningless. Nothing is important or serious, this is supposed to be fun!

Relax :)


Alternative Rock Music and Spirituality on YouTube: The Buddha Visions

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Well, when you are exceptional, all the spotlights are on you VS mediocre and no one cares.

When you stand out, life suddenly gets serious, you have responsabilities. When you stay with the masses, keeping your head down, you can bullshit your way until the moment you die, it's easy and, in today society, you totally can.

It is the eternal battle between the easy life VS the meaningful life, which is NOT easy, but has it's rewards.

High risk and high rewards.

In using your gifts, you are advancing through the dark woods, where no one ever went, not this woods, at least. And you will have to hack your way out of there and leave a trail. There is no manual to do that, you are the first, you have to think for yourself, no one will do it for you, all the pressure is on you.

Think about it. This seem scary? Because it is.

In a way, we brainwash ourselves into down play the importance of our life, we denial the definitiveness of death. That's why people suddenly transform the way they approach life when facing near death experiences. Those lucky bastards. Most people are not that lucky, for those people, the realization that they pissed their life away will come in their death bed, when it's too late to do anything.

In a way, we do this on purpose, we want to take the responsibility of our life with this maneuver. When we wait until the last minute to realize what we lost, in a way, we can rationalize that it wasn't our fault, we can say that we have been given a bad hand and now is too late, far from our reach. It's easy, see?

 

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