Finding The One! Getting Harder

[Fello]

Hi everyone! thanks for coming in to check my topic.. one big kiss for you.. now let's get to down to it.

When I was younger all I wanted is to have a GF.. Then as we grow up we think of more stuff like I want a GF who is hot.. Then I want a GF who is hot but she needs to be tall, thin blonde bla bla bla.. then as we internally grow up more we start talking about a partner who's hot, blonde or whatever features and then open-minded, nice, mature and more about their personality. So now as I am into self-actualization it seems that the perfect one I am looking for is getting more filtered into someone who is really difficult to find (specially in my case living in a 3rd world country). Now it has to be hot, blonde, mature, completely independent, open-minded, conscious and aware, loving, a person who don't believe in right and wrong a person who doesn't let culture control them, a person who don't judge people by where they come from or their color or their religion, a person who doesn't have pride in their race, tribe, religion, nationality or anything other than themselves and their accomplishments. a person who's really grown internally and even more.

And as I learn more about self-actualization these filters expand and not only is it difficult to find a person like that but it also difficult to figure out that they are that without actually sitting with them and having some deep conversations. the basic filters that I mentioned first were easy to find and easy to figure them out by just looking at them or having a shallow conversation with them. but the current filters I have are it takes knowing that person for a while and talking to them a lot to actually know that they are self-developed the way we want my future partner to be.

I had an amazing relationship for 4 years with a person who was way more self-developed than me.. I learned a lot from her and I am so grateful to her for that but just last year I had to leave the UK because they refused my application to stay (visa shit) she was the best person I have ever known in my life and just last month we decided to end our relationship for the best for both of us. Long distance is just so much and it was a big gamble to keep doing it. It's hard not to play the victim here but for god sake it's the governments rules that didn't allow us to be together. We had to figure out how to travel a lot to see each other and also save money to move somewhere where we can live together at the same time. But anyway it is sad but I guess it was time we moved on.

So back to the topic I am sure some of you are having the same issue with those filters looking for the right person to be with.. If you have any ideas or tips please let me know.. I can just just sit around and leave it to fate but I don't think it's the best way so I gotta go out there and find that right person. Not that I am in need of another person to fulfill me. I started to disbelieve in the idea of the significant other in it's traditional sense. But then at one point I guess I have to be with that great person and settle down a bit specially when I get to my mid 30s. so I have enough time to find her...

 

- So tips please if you have had this issue before and you found a solution.

- Do you think a self-developed person should only be partner with a self-developed person or is it ok to go out with someone who isn't really that mature.

- Would you look for a self-developed person or would you just date random people until you find "the one" and what are the odds considering that most of the people out there are a bit dump and "trumpy". 

 

Fello

[reez]

@Fello Well there's a difference with being mature and self-developed, just because they aren't into self-development doesn't mean that they ain't mature, just wanted to put it out there hehe.

Finding a girl who fits into EVERY of those things you want is not quite likely to happen, even if it might happen.

So just write down the values/things you want a girl to have, whether or not it's on the inside or outside. Make a circle on the things you think is most important when you meet a girl, these will be your priority and the rest is not quite as important. Now you have a special girl to look for, and therefore it will be easier to find her.

And this is important. If you want a girl who is fit, works out regularly, you can't be a 200kg guy yourself. You are what you attract pretty much, if you don't like what you attract change yourself. 

If you want a girl who is self-developed going to clubs ain't maybe the best thing. If you want a girl who is fit, go to the gym etc. Change your venues to meet people who think/do things like you :). Most girls who are "a bit smarter" doesn't always go to the clubs. If you want more cultural girls, go to museum or something like that. Go to the same places the people you wanna meet are going to.

[aurum]

I don't believe in "The One", I'm only believe in relationships that are good and relationships that suck. It's incredibly difficult to find someone of serious quality but there isn't any other way to do it but meet a bunch of people who aren't quality.

There's no short cut here. Play the field and enjoy it as much as possible. Trust that you will find that quality partner eventually when the time is right. You won't even be expecting it.

[Vaishnavi]

You're looking for a complete package and that ain't possible, trust me. Let go of the need of the perfect, let go of the need of anyone to be honest. Work on yourself and make yourself worthy of the perfect. 

Plus you don't necessarily have to be with a super actualised person, everyone is a part of personal development in one way or the other, consciously or unconsciously. If you like her, help her with her self actualisation. 

Work on yourself. 

[egoeimai]

On Wednesday, June 29, 2016 at 9:04 AM, Fello said:

Hi

. So now as I am into self-actualization it seems that the perfect one I am looking for is getting more filtered into someone who is really difficult to find (specially in my case living in a 3rd world country). Now it has to be hot, blonde, mature, completely independent, open-minded, conscious and aware, loving, a person who don't believe in right and wrong a person who doesn't let culture control them, a person who don't judge people by where they come from or their color or their religion, a person who doesn't have pride in their race, tribe, religion, nationality or anything other than themselves and their accomplishments. a person who's really grown internally and even more.

 

 

 

- 

-

- 

 

Fello

Hahahahahah its funny because man I dont know if this person actually can exist. Maybe not.

Try to accept the flaws.