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Preety_India

The HEALING ROAD

189 posts in this topic

 

Raising barriers is an absolute necessity to freedom. 

                                  Barriers 

                                       Barriers  

                                            Barriers 

 

 

                                  

 

                                       

       (you know what, when you are a thug and when someone out-thugs you, you have a big reason to get pissed.) 

Completely dblked

 

Edited by Preety_India

 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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Emotional distress is the first sign that something is amiss 

Some more signs 

  • The first sign of emotional distress
  • Breaking of boundaries 
  • Passive aggression 
  • Inability to connect 
  • Inability to humanize
  • Lack of support 
  • Lack of accountability 
  • Passive ignoring

EDS

Edited by Preety_India

 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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I need to sometimes focus on the occam's razor technique with some of the issues in my life. 

This is a concept that focuses on the simplicity of things. On implicit nature. 

Occam's razor. It's used in a wide variety of ways throughout the world as a means to slice through a problem or situation and eliminate unnecessary elements. But what we call the razor is a little different than what its author originally wrote. There are two parts that are considered the basis of Occam's razor, and they were originally written in Latin:

The Principle of Plurality - Plurality should not be posited without necessity

The Principle of Parsimony - It is pointless to do with more what is done with less

Taken together, they represent the basis of humanity's investigation into the universe, and the way we see our environment is largely based upon Occam's razor. There's no telling what kind of world we would live in today without Occam's razor. Would we have the Internet? Would we have inoculations?

Consider simple systems in nature, like viruses and plants, and their ability to carry out complex tasks such as infection and photosynthesis. We value these simple models. And when it comes to man-made systems, we tend to base structures upon what we already know works - the simplest explanation to us - like computer memory modeled on our own brain processes. All of which points to the principles of plurality and parsimony.

However, one of the key things that Occam's razor reveals is the subjectivity with which we view the universe. Sure the sky is blue, we know that by looking at it, but what shade of blue is it exactly? Anyone who has ever engaged in a debate over whether a dark-colored sock is black or navy can appreciate the bias of our worldview and how it affects our decisions.

 

The simplest explanation is usually the right one. Detectives use it to deduce who's the likeliest suspect in a murder case - you know, the butler did it. Doctors ­use it to determine the illness behind a set of symptoms.

How to use it in my life? 

Just focus on the most obvious things that need to be done or not done 

Why not do the obvious? 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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Writing has been very therapeutic for me especially on my road towards healing, I've always been the writing type and the more I vent myself through my innate expression, the better is the purging, the release thereafter feels like magic, lifting me up from the depths of despair and showing me hope towards a better person that I can become. 

Relationships have a profound impact on the beliefs we have about ourselves, whether we realise it or not. During the course of a relationship, it’s very normal to ‘intertwine’ with a partner. Goals and directions change, as well as wants and needs for now and the future.

This isn’t because you lose yourself, though certainly that can happen, but because intimacy involves opening up to another person – opening up to their love, wants, needs, feelings, opinions, love, goals, dreams. When that happens, you can’t help but be influenced and eventually move in the same direction. Sometimes that involves adjusting your own sails. It’s all a healthy part of being with someone fully, and part of the unpredictable magic of relationships.

A breakup means the undoing of this merging, which is painful to go through. However strong and independent a person may be, the fracturing of a relationship can also mean the fracturing of the self-concept. One of the most painful parts of a breakup is that it up-ends things as you’ve come to know them. The familiar is gone, plans are changed and the future all of a sudden has too many blank spaces where happy things used to be.

 

Part of the healing is re-establishing who you are without your partner. Anything that can repair and re-strengthen the self-concept, will accelerate healing.

I try to ask myself, "who am I?" the first step towards healing is simply knowing oneself well 

Writing repeatedly about the process of the breakup as though speaking with a stranger about it, is another way to move towards healing. As well as being an emotional release, it also encourages a fresh perspective and new insights.

 


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   When someone fails to integrate you within them despite your best efforts to integrate, then it's their failure not yours. 

 

Don't make someone's failures your faults. 

 

 

 


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Positive sex. 

I have had some hangups regarding sex for some time. The last time I had sex was with Andrew. It was in December. It was great and pleasurable and I was single at the time when I was with him. Weren't really in a relationship with each other but we were attracted to each other nevertheless. 

Andrew is in another city right now and can't come here because of the coronavirus at least for a few weeks. When we meet sparks fly. I'm not sure about our relationship status but maybe we are just trying to establish a relationship between us that will take time to fully form. 

I have had some difficulty with thoughts regarding sex. Last night I was thinking about sex and a striking thought swirled in my head and that was, when was a discussion associated with sex ever positive and kept thinking and mulling over it for so long and I figured that as a collective culture we really never had a positive discussion on sex ever. 

Like right now if I look at the media, I see several examples where sex is discussed or associated with and these associations are generally of several types including something like 

  • Rape 
  • Sexual assault
  • Groping and molestation 
  • Pedophilia 
  • Porn
  • Masturbation
  • Nudity
  • Toxic masculinity 
  • Feminism
  • Objectification 
  • Teenage pregnancy 
  • Human trafficking 
  • Prostitution 
  • Perversion 
  • Sex addiction 
  • Bestiality 
  • Shaming 
  • Slut

In each of the labels above, sex is discussed often with a negative prerogative. It seems like we want to bring up sex only when we talk about something bad like a crime or a disease or addiction or a general unwanted condition or situation. 

Have we ever discussed the positive aspects of sex? 

How many news channels open a discussion saying statements like 

"oh let's see how beneficial sex is?" 

"so what's so good about sex?" 

"sex can be good for so and so reasons" other than only  having children.. 

The simple answer is....... No

Religions around the world are notoriously known for their Demonization of sex throughout centuries. 

It seems like we as a collective species are very narrowly focused on the negative aspects of sex and too often we forget the , soft, gentle, healthy, productive, fulfilling, beautiful, curative, loving intrinsic value of sex. 

We only want to focus on the negative returns of sex. This can be a very debilitating phenomenon. 

Because it doesn't encourage the positive aspects of sex. The aspects which are nourishing. 

 

I feel sex is like fire. Now with fire, if you use it right, then you get to enjoy its warmth but if you play with fire, you get burned. 

I look at sex like that. 

When I look at the positive aspect of sex, I feel like it's a fountain of energy. 

India is known famously for its book called Kamasutra, a famous ancient manuscript on different sex positions for the mates. However there is a lot of cultural repression. 

 

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Sexual sculptures on walls of ancient Hindu temples. 

At some point my culture was probably sexually free, I would need a time machine to figure that out.. Chuckle. 

What I found is that the good part of sex can be discovered if we minus the bad part. 

That is if we stop looking at fire as something bad then maybe we can have the chance to look at fire as a source of energy. Look at sex as a source of energy. 

I've begun to look at sex as a source of infinite energy, of infinite love, of infinite or eternal loving energy. 

Like with birth. When a woman gives birth to a child she feels like she created something, a explosion of creative energy, same with sex. It can be an explosion of loving energy. 

 

Toxic masculinity looks at sex as instant gratification obtained by the objectification (looking at a woman as a piece of meat) of women and by treating them like a faceless headless (existence-less) sex toy that needs the male sex organ to be drilled into for intense excitement and pleasure and nothing more. This is a very reductionist materialistic unloving in-joyful unenergetic and robotic bullshit way of looking at sex. 

 

The one way of looking at sex positively is   by elimination. 

Eliminate all the following labels and what remains is pure wonderful loving beautiful energizing sex. 

 

Rape 

Sexual assault

Groping and molestation 

Pedophilia 

Porn

Masturbation

Nudity

Toxic masculinity 

Feminism

Objectification 

Teenage pregnancy 

Human trafficking 

Prostitution 

Perversion 

Sex addiction 

Bestiality 

Shaming 

Slut

..... 

Look at sex as a fountain of loving energy.. 

 

 

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 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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Sexual attraction and sex are two different things. 

Romantic attraction has a beautiful essence to it. It's like magic. Like two magnets pulling each other. 

There's something about a person's face that attracts you to them. 

In the way they speak, the way they make you feel. 

Romantic attraction is like charisma, a spell that's difficult to resist. Every time you see that person you want them, you desire them, you wanna play games, tickle their fantasies, it's a thrill. 

Often times romantic attraction causes partners to be passive aggressive with each other, each teasing the other, playing silly games, intensifying the feelings of craving, the constant push pull, fighting and making up after, and surrendering to their temptations. 

Romantic attraction is a temptation hard to resist. 

It's very different from trying to resist the temptation to buy an expensive car or that thing you cannot afford, it's a different feeling. Resisting or compromising with it can cause feelings of intense melancholy and dissociation. Not having the lover you so desperately desire can lead to feelings of emptiness and even suicide. 

Love is like a fever. It grips you. It's a spell and when you are under this spell, your heart wants what it wants, and your joy is fulfilled in the arms of the lover.

 

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Edited by Preety_India

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It's time for me to rediscover myself. 

After the breakup, I haven't been feeling sexy at all. It's difficult now. 

I had an extremely strong sexual chemistry with Joe. 

It was something out of the planet. 

I would orgasm all night long. I would feel intense comfort in his arms and just having him touch me would make me feel come alive. 

Now that we broke up, it's difficult to feel the same way again with someone else. 

Even if I had sex, it would feel like cutting onions in the kitchen. 

I don't think I'll experience the same sexual outburst n

When I was with Joe, he would be all over me, we would have marathons, it was sexy in a way I can't describe. He used to tell me that I made him feel like no other woman. I told him the same. 

Our chemistry was strong. And when we fought, we would make up with sex.

Now that he is out of my life, I don't think I'll ever feel the same way with another man. 

One day Joe told me (I was kinda pissed off and ready to give up on the relationship) 

And he said

"you'll never find someone like me, nobody will love you the way I did." 

In a way it's true. 

I don't like Andrew the same way I used to like Joe.

Andrew is the nice one. But my feelings have eroded over time. 

It feels like it's not me anymore. 

I can have sex again but still not feel sexual. Still not feel the spark. The joy 

Not feel the romance. 

The romance ended with the last relationship.

Its like " that man or no man"

When I was with Joe, I was fiercely loyal. I never flirted with any guy. I never cheated. Even the thought never crossed my mind to look elsewhere. I wanted Joe only 

And now with the failure of the relationship, it hurts because I gave it my best only to know that he turned out to be that abusive typical lover. I never deserved that 

I ended the relationship. It hurts even the person who ends the relationship. Joe believes that only he is hurt. But that's not true.. I'm hurt as well. Very deeply. 

I would have really wanted things to work out between us. That's why I gave him the back door. I let him be friends for a while to see if things can work again between us. And they never did 

He was good for a couple of days after the breakup. But then he started acting strange once again. The same bullshit. The same assholism. 

So I was..... "hey, not anymore, I'm packing my bags, try some other woman with your games and shit" 

And here I am, all alone once again, feeling like a dead tree. Wanting the birth of new love in my heart. 

Wanting to dress sexy again. Feel sexy again. 

Put on those pumps. Wash that hair. Put that spray. Lather that lipstick. Wear that bag. Off you go... 

It's not that easy. 

I feel like a shell of myself. I'm not blaming Joe for this. We both were hurt. 

I just don't know how to collect the pieces together. 

And even if I did and decided to start dating again, it would feel like wearing my friend's dress at the prom dance. It won't feel original anymore. 

An ode to the Original Love. 

 

 

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You can't bring back a woman who found her way. She is gone forever. 

 

There's no point in Guilting me Joseph. 

 

I'm moving on forever. The damage was done long ago. Now face what you have 

 

When you break a woman's back, her back is broken, don't ask why now 

 

It's over. We are done for good, no matter how it much hurts me and no matter how much I wanted you, I tried my best to swallow your asshole behavior but I could take no more. 

A woman can only take so much. 

I won't stay single for you. I'm not stupid. 

I have my whole life in front of me and I'll make it beautiful.. 

 

If you make a woman leave you, it's your fault. Don't make her leave. Stop being an asshole before she leaves. 

If you can't love your girlfriend, it's not her fault, because she tried loving you, but you couldn't appreciate her love, then your fault, not hers. 

She can find a better man who will treat her with respect and give her the love she gives him

 

 

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Tarot animals for each 

Empathetic Codependent 

Narcissistic Sociopath 

Counterintuitive Psychopath. 

 

 

Empathetic Codependent - Heron 

Narcissistic Sociopath - Ostrich 

Counterintuitive Psychopath. - Crocodile 

 

 

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Edited by Preety_India

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Yesterday I was thinking (by the way my nightmares have only gotten worse, it's like I'm holding onto a chord), so I was thinking about how we have so many desires that we suppress within ourselves. 

{ I was also thinking about total independence, how would it feel to be totally emotionally independent} 

So I kinda of compartmentalized life into 3 distinct phases according to age and how our state of mind changes in correlation to the age bracket we are in. I don't want to be too restrictive about the age bracket I create for these phases because age is just a number and the emotion is more important than the age itself.. 

These phases are the creative, the compromise and the Acceptance. 

 

The creative phase - 

This phase is when you are young. The phase that I'm right now in. This is the phase when you fall in love, when you're into self realization, when you go through periods of uncertainty regarding your life purpose, when you have breakups with your partner, when you look for love again, this is the phase where you want to create your life and where satisfying a desire gives utmost pleasure and happiness and not getting what you want makes you feel rejected or disappointed. 

 

The compromise phase. 

This phase is characterized by reaching a zone of settlement, where you learn to compromise (not compromising what you couldn't have because that's hurtful and shouldn't be an ideal situation, that's a situation created out of repression and hence is not favorable) on the fact that the desire has served its purpose and its time to move on and look for mellow excursions, this is the phase to relish what was conquered and experienced and fulfilled in the creative phase. 

The acceptance phase 

This is the last phase of life and this involves acceptance of what's to come. Preparing the mind for it. Accepting that things are the way they are and that death is certain this is the phase of old age. This is also the phase where you remember your life in flashbacks and commemorate your memories with pictures and celebrations of your life and your aspirations and struggles. This is basically the end of the joy trip. It might feel sad that things have become difficult or come to an end but time is limitless and even in this phase there are ways to be creative and artistic and spend time in productive happy ways. 


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Learn to label things 

One thing that I must learn is to label things even emotions and behaviors at least in my mind because it helps in easy discernment and emotional processing. 

It's like I could jump to react if I haven't given a thought. This means that I am reacting even before knowing what's it's all about. The problem is that I'm a very intuitive person and so often I rely plainly on my intuition alone. 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India
Writing and editing in progress..

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Sometimes my mind races so fast that I get 3 ideas at once and I have to be too quick to jot down or they escape my mental matrix 

 

I've really gotten the writing addiction bug. 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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I hate the feeling when I have to write something that was in my mind and when I am ready to put in words I completely forget what it was about. 

The mind becomes blank again. 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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