Focus Shion 1

[Preety_India]

Today is Saturday and I can just take it easy today. 

 

[Preety_India]

Since the breakup and with this coronavirus crisis, I've been geared towards focusing more on my marketing career and the small business I have which I plan on expanding further. 

So far so good but I still need to focus on drumming up more income. This will only happen when I improve my social and communication skills and get more dealers invested in my business. 

Right now it's only two dealers that I market with. But I hope to have at least 6 by the end of this year. 

People in the marketing business can be very cruel especially when it comes to sharing profits and "trust" is not an easy word to use in the marketing circles. 

I remember 2 years ago when I invested in a scheme for increasing income and it turned out to be a massive failure, thanks to trusting a marketing agent who was very manipulative and successful at gaining my trust. Never going to make that mistake again

 

It's very important to carefully deal with people and know their intentions beforehand or look for red flags in interactions to see if the deal is going to be profitable to both parties. 

My event management work which was my primary source of income has taken a huge toll since the crisis. No more appointments from clients. No one calling because of the social distancing. The phone line doesn't ring anymore since the past 2 weeks.. 

The last client had canceled. I'll need to wait till the whole coronavirus situation is over with to start all over again and reconnect with old clients to conduct events. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Note to myself. 

Transcend everything. Just transcend everything.. 

 

[Preety_India]

Mini updates 

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Yesterday was very stressful. I had to handle so many things. But got a lot done. 

Sat all night doing my stuff.

Got free only at 5 am.. 

Thank God today is a free day. 

So not much today other than basic stuff 

Trying to focus.. 

I'll have to import stuff from brain visions. 

 

Edited April 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

On 2/25/2020 at 7:20 AM, Preety_India said:

 

February 25 Tuesday 

Day 23 of the no contact challenge. 

Day 9 of Implementation Days. 

February 2020 

 

 

 

 

On 2/25/2020 at 7:27 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

Recap 

 

 

Pre planning

Pie chart 

Tracking system... Sequence of codes 

Reward points 

Reward charms 

Implementation Days 

No Social Contact Challenge 

Activity codes

reward charms jar

Charms chart 

Activity blocks 

Sequence notes 

Activity classifications as Engaging/Useful or Random

Milestone Photo album and Milestone Jar 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Calendar markings imported from Brain Visions 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Implementation Days and No Social Contact Challenge.. 

April 25, 2020.

Day 69 of the Implementation Days. 

Day 83 of the No social contact challenge. 

 

April 2020.

There's a problem. I missed too many days of the Implementation Days almost a whole month because of the Coronavirus crazy situation. I completely lost track. 

However the no social contact challenge has worked well during the coronavirus. 

March 13 was the most horrible day of my life or at least one of the most. 

Since then I don't see any progress on my journal for a whole month.. This is also the time when the whole coronavirus thing started and my government announced a 21 day nationwide lockdown starting March 26.

March 13 to March 26 were excruciatingly painful 10 days, I hadn't slept for nearly 10 days because of extreme stress arising from my relationship trouble and I took a downturn, a full blow downturn into chaos, and I was suicidal and completely out of myself during this entire time and in the middle of it came the announcement that the coronavirus lockdown for which I was horribly ill prepared. 

That's when I starved for straight 10 days after which I suffered fainting and weakness and a host of symptoms. I was a mess by April 10..it was very tough. I started to use the forum to feel better. I was using the forum excessively during this time to escape my internal messed up state. I had lost faith in life. And that was a depressing period. 

But slowly the clouds have gone away.. The sun is coming up again. 

 

 

Edited April 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

I'm trying to keep a Timeline in order to keep a track on my situation through the past whole month. 

So I created the thread on the Coronavirus on April 3. This must have been a very tough time for me because this was in the middle of the lockdown and I was physically drained and emotionally stressed out and missing many days of food or sleep.. 

 

 

My situation was very bad up until at least April 13. I starved many days during this period.. 

I had some relief from April 16 onwards. Let me check the date when I said I would be leaving the forum

. So the date of that thread/post is April 12/13. This was also the day I was too frustrated with my  circumstances because I hadn't had food in days and my apartment was barricaded and the residents weren't allowed to leave and there were riots on the streets.. 

Things weren't good on the forum either and I was really triggered by certain things(the shaming part got me) and I decided to leave for good. 

April 16 is when things started to look better because that was the first day I got the chance to buy groceries and meals once the lockdown was lifted on April 14..

So once my hunger situation was resolved I was beginning to feel some energy. 

Ok. So here we go.. Now it's April 25. Much much better than the past few days. I've stocked up enough groceries. 

And I'm also catching up emotionally. 

 

Things are looking good. 

 

At least for a while? 

 

Edited April 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I will include mini updates on this journal. This journal was for work related and professional side of my life. But it's ok. 

I will use this for mini updates in between. 

This journal is more about concentrating my energy into my life and reshaping my life from the cinders and starting a fresh new start with goals and ventures.. 

 

Edited April 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

April 25 

Mini updates 

Cooked some veggie today. Potatoes and corn and bell peppers. 

It tastes yumm. After many days finally I made something I can eat with happiness. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Today is a bright beautiful day. 

April 26. 2020 

Time for coffee. 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 26, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

. 

This is a good video for today. Will make my day perfect

 

 

[Preety_India]

April 27 

Mini updates 

Great start. No nightmares. 

Got some stuff done yesterday. 

Today too. Hope it works out good. 

 

 

 

 

Finished my art that I had started a few days back. 

 

This forum is such a cesspool of argumentative people, like what in the world, everyday I see people butting heads with each other, seriously annoying, someone starts a topic, then it gets locked because it doesn't have the right content, then that person is offended, there is just no way to not offend someone, or something gets taken out of context and someone takes offense for nothing, bullshit questions, just people trying to trigger each other because they have to be above others. You don't  need big big meditation to just be a normal decent human being. Fuck 

I've come across more decent people in real life to be honest. They disagree but don't get mean. 

It seems in spirituality circles, people have a lot up their ass. Their ego is massive. 

 

 

 waste of space. I need my self now. I've begun to love my self. The love that I was searching for in men, I now search within myself. I can be Infinitely kind and loving and I know that power in me

 

 

Edited April 28, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

I need to surround myself with more loving people. 

There's just no excuse to have someone who is being disrespectful to me. 

Abuse is so complex and complicated. It gets packaged in various ways and presented to you. 

Be strong 

[Preety_India]

As I sit here trying to process all the childhood trauma and everything I went through, the horrible abuse, this is not a easy thing to get rid of. 

I have been struggling for years now and the effects still don't leave me

 

[Preety_India]

 

As I try to gather pieces of my life, it's really and awfully hard to be back to normal again. 

There are days when I feel like everything is going to be normal and then there are days when I completely collapse under the weight of the trauma I suffered.. 

I just give up and sink into my shell not wanting to talk to anyone, not wanting to smile, hating everything around me. Hating the feeling that I have to live life despite all the ordeal. 

[Preety_India]

There are days when I will go into rampage mode and keep posting a lot, one post after another.. 

It's writing one page and then tearing it off and writing another. 

I cannot contain my emotions in one post

. So I'll make several short posts and throw my emotions into each one of them and as I make another one I feel a sense of relief that the previous one is done with.. 

I don't need to deal with that emotion again till it reappears. 

 

[Preety_India]

I have to do a lot of ranting and venting to get it off my chest because bottling up all the childhood abuse and relationship trauma inside is not good at all. 

I don't do a good job of venting. Because I still get sneaky about it. I still hide aspects of the abuse that hurt me and don't confront it. 

How betrayal feels like 

 

 

Edited April 28, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

So yesterday I felt like I had this.. I had this within my grip. That everything is going to be alright finally. 

 

I suffered a lot of violence as a child.. Lot of emotional as well as psychological abuse.. 

It's difficult to feel normal after being raised to be broken.. 

And I today I woke up with nightmares where the same people are talking to me again. 

I saw my ex in my dream as well.. He was offering me advice but mocking me at the same time. 

So when I woke up I had a sort of a mental breakdown again.. Feeling nervous and depressed.. 

 

[Preety_India]

I find it difficult to articulate emotions into words. I get clumsy with it. 

Part of it is because I was never allowed to talk as a child.. 

I used to keep silent most of the time. 

The only time I began to talk is when I started having boyfriends. 

They helped me open up a bit..