Shiva99

Existential fear

11 posts in this topic

5 days ago i had the insight of life being totally meaningless. It was nothing compared to how i saw it before, and back then it was clearly just a concept in my head i was playing back and forth with. This time it was different, and it didn't make me feel as free and relaxed as i thought it would. I honestly am very confused now. I'm starting to think life is a mistake in general. It just doesn't make any sense anymore. Becoming self conscious out of nowhere, being aware of being alive in a human form, surrounded by people you start calling your family and friends, getting bombarded with all this bullshit, conditioning you with fake beliefs etc all out of fear and ego. Pure pain. It's like everyone is trying to hold on for dear life, when it's not gonna work out anyways. Life is pure suffering, and for what? I honestly am completely baffled. As long as you keep deluding yourself that anything is important at all, you get stuck again in this loop, and sure than you don't think about death at all, because you are too busy chasing meaningless stuff. But when you do, it's so dramatic and meaningless. Why do anything? Life is so fragile too. You can get cancer, get shot, killed, have a car accident. There is so much stuff you have no control over... Ofcourse you can give life meaning by constantly sacrificing the present for the future, if you want a nice and decent life, but you can die any second and all of it will be gone. All effort for what? Nothing. Ugh.. 


"I should've been a statistic, but decided to go against all odds instead. What if?" - David Goggins.

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That's remarkable: I've said the same thing 10 years ago then I was 18/19. Now I am very fulfilled. That means not happy or amused, there are crap days but even these aren't as bad as they used to at age 18/19. And Years later I'd to overcome much more difficult situations, but they felt not that bad. Interesting how that works.

So I'd like to dray my conclusions upon you. It could be the case that you are depressed, that means fundamentally that your energy is not flowing properly. You may don't know were to go in life, what to learn or which university to attend. You feel alone. Maybe you feel victimized by the Bullshit that is going on.

If that's roughly (ROUGHLY) the case I think I understand you. If you want I can make suggestions what you can do. Do want to hear it?

Edited by supremeyingyang

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19 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

So I'd like to dray my conclusions upon you. It could be the case that you are depressed, that means fundamentally that your energy is not flowing properly. You may don't know were to go in life, what to learn or which university to attend. You feel alone. Maybe you feel victimized by the Bullshit that is going on.

If that's roughly (ROUGHLY) the case I think I understand you. If you want I can make suggestions what you can do. Do want to hear it?

Nah, i'm not depressed. In fact i'm in a time where i know better than ever where i would want my life to go. It's just that i don't see the point of it sometimes, because everything is so fragile and unsafe. All my efforts can be undone in a second by something or someone. As i said in my post, i can get a fucked up disease or cancer or whatever and die from it. Lately everyone seems to be getting it. Or be at the wrong spot at the wrong time and be a victim of a terrorist attack or a crazy mass murderer. It's not so rare anymore at all these days. 


"I should've been a statistic, but decided to go against all odds instead. What if?" - David Goggins.

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@Shiva99

So you don't want to start because you fear something terrible could happen to you. How is that in effect not also a depression ? Your energy is blocked. You are thinking about things that you can better deal with when they happen (if they happen). Everything else you can plan for. At the end we are all dead, so why not make the best of it, Inspire people)

Edited by supremeyingyang

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15 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

@Shiva99

So you don't want to start because you fear something terrible could happen to you. How is that in effect not also a depression ? Your energy is blocked. You are thinking about things that you can better deal with when they happen (if they happen). Everything else you can plan for. At the end we are all dead, so why not make the best of it, Inspire people)

I've already started a while ago. I'm just not giving it my all. I have days where i flow, but sometimes i don't manage to do all the tasks i set for myself, even when they are easy. I think i've been watching the news too much these last days. It clogged my consciousness too much. 

Edited by Shiva99

"I should've been a statistic, but decided to go against all odds instead. What if?" - David Goggins.

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@Shiva99

Be kind to yourself, sometimes we performing not as good as we are used to. That's normal. If you are going forward you are doing better than most people ever could ;)

Would you tell us what you have started ?

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9 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

@Shiva99

Be kind to yourself, sometimes we performing not as good as we are used to. That's normal. If you are going forward you are doing better than most people ever could ;)

Would you tell us what you have started ?

Yes and no. Being kind to myself is something i've done for way too long. It didn't get me anywhere. 

So far im doing: a daily routine of reading, meditation (1h), exercise (running 3-5 times a week), and also chores around the house (cleaning,..). This is still far from where i wanna go though. I still get lazy sometimes and end up slacking, being for too long on the internet. 

Ideally i wanna get to a place where i don't spent any time slacking. So 16 hours of work a day. 


"I should've been a statistic, but decided to go against all odds instead. What if?" - David Goggins.

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@Shiva99

Bro, no wonder you are not happy. What you do is already hardcore. Not any time sklacking! 16 hours work a day ? Dafuq. This is a 'How to commit Karoshi in no time'-Recipe.

I mean what you want to do in life like how do you want to earn money?

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Sry for the double post, I had a problem with my network

Edited by supremeyingyang

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9 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

@Shiva99

Bro, no wonder you are not happy. What you do is already hardcore. Not any time sklacking! 16 hours work a day ? Dafuq. This is a 'How to commit Karoshi in no time'-Recipe.

I mean what you want to do in life like how do you want to earn money?

Nah, i'm very far behind in life, and i wasted like 9 years of my life playing videogames, going out and getting drunk etc. Sure these were my teenage years, but still. I'm 27 now and i'm still living with my parents. I'm unemployed living on wellfare and having bad luck finding a job, so it's not hardcore really. I can't afford wasting more time, and yet i'm still doing it.

I'm not sure how i wanna earn my money, but what i do know is that i'm going back to college next year to study Psychology cuz it interests me, and i will get at least a normal diploma. 

Edited by Shiva99

"I should've been a statistic, but decided to go against all odds instead. What if?" - David Goggins.

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@Shiva99

There is no quick fix. I mean its cool that you are determined to get out. But this will take years. And it's double as hard if you treat yourself like that. You need to make results, that is where it counts. 16 hour days... man that's incredible stupid. Who are you ? I think even Bezos or Elon Musk work less.  Try to get work for like 4 hours a day and then progress from there on if you want...

Think about your life this way: No time is wasted. You made mistakes, but we learn through mistakes. And you have a strong motivation to focus on your studies. Here in the forum is another one who tries to preach to the gaming community to make them more healthy and so on. Maybe you should talk to him

 

Edited by supremeyingyang

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