Phone calls trigger Physiological Anxiety

[Farnaby]

Hi everyone! 

Just wanted to talk about something that I've been experiencing for many years and no matter how much inner work I do, I can't seem to "control" this one.

So, whenever I have to make a phone call and speak to people I don't have a close relationship with (calling a business and asking for some kind of information, calling a client to schedule an appointment, calling a doctor, etc.) I immediately feel anxious. It's almost a pure physiological anxiety (heart pounding, muscle tension, shivering, feeling cold, etc.), but there are some thoughts that sometimes come along ("They are going to notice my nervousness", "I'm not going to be able to keep calm"). 

Actually, this is not the only situation where it happens. It happens when I have to talk in front of people, as well as when I go to visit a doctor, especially if they are going to measure my blood pressure or heart rate. 

I've experimented with the top-down approach, trying to question my thoughts or just observe them and let them go and I've also experimented with the bottom-up approach (trying to calm my physiology). The second one usually works better, but the moment I start making the call, step in front of an audience, sit down to get my blood pressure measured, I can't control the sudden raise in anxiety.

I used to avoid these situations, but I know how this only makes things worse and since I've started not avoiding them, I feel a little more calm or at least can return to calmness a little faster. Maybe it's just a matter of time that I get habituated to these situations, but this has been affecting me for such a long time that I'm kind of sick of it lol. 

Anyone else resonates with this or has any advice on how to solve it? 

[Raptorsin7]

@Farnaby I resonate with this. I get similar anxiety from situations you described.

I'm sure there are multiple solutions here. But one i've heard of is exposure therapy. You put yourself into these anxiety provoking situations so much that you get used to it and your mind realizes it's not a big deal and the anxiety will dissipate. Think of guys who do pick up. The first few approaches are probably crazy anxiety inducing. But as you get used to them and keep doing them eventually the anxiety goes down and it's no longer a big deal.

Try starting small, and just push yourself slowly to keep confronting these situations over and over again. Do it mindfully. Do it gently. Don't be hard on yourself if you get anxiety, or even just give up that day or something. Just keep pressing with it and it will pass.

[Farnaby]

On 18/1/2020 at 5:03 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

@Farnaby I resonate with this. I get similar anxiety from situations you described.

I'm sure there are multiple solutions here. But one i've heard of is exposure therapy. You put yourself into these anxiety provoking situations so much that you get used to it and your mind realizes it's not a big deal and the anxiety will dissipate. Think of guys who do pick up. The first few approaches are probably crazy anxiety inducing. But as you get used to them and keep doing them eventually the anxiety goes down and it's no longer a big deal.

Try starting small, and just push yourself slowly to keep confronting these situations over and over again. Do it mindfully. Do it gently. Don't be hard on yourself if you get anxiety, or even just give up that day or something. Just keep pressing with it and it will pass.

Thank you, I'm glad I'm not the only one lol. 

Yes, exposure certainly is one of the key aspects, I agree. However, it's been a couple of years of noticing when I have the impulse to avoid a phone call and do the call anyway and I still can't seem to control my anxiety. But if I'm completely honest, I may still be avoiding it often enough so that I haven't given my nervous system enough opportunities to see that it's safe. I guess I just have to keep doing it until I get used to it. 

Have you experienced good results from exposing yourself to these situations? 

Since it's such an immediate response in my body, I think there may be some trauma history that I'm considering exploring through some trauma therapy like Somatic Experiencing, EMDR or something like that.

[Raptorsin7]

@Farnaby I'm not actively going about confronting this type of anxiety but I notice when it arises. But I have read a lot about exposure therapy and the logic behind it makes sense to me. I also know the more we resist and when there is aversion to something it creates more anxiety. If we just relax and just confront the anxiety the fear is almost always greater than what is actually there.

Trauma therapy is a great idea. I just started seeing a therapist and I think i might transition to a therapist with a trauma focus and work through some exercises.

Most of our problems in this space are related to trauma we suffered as children which disrupted our psychies. So any form of therapy that goes inside and tries to root those out should be effective.