Detached Observer state

[Spaceofawareness]

Hi,

I recently had something which could probably be described as a kind of spiritual awakening. Maybe 3-4 months ago, I had been toying with mindfulness during work (I do repetitive physical work so found a way to bring it into my routine), and was not formally practicing mindfulness or meditation, but I began to observe my thoughts. After a while it felt like I could see my thoughts in a detached kind of way, like it didn’t feel like I was thinking them, more like thoughts were appearing, like I was almost observing them from the outside. 

I began to use this detached observation more and more, it started to appear without effort, it helped me to reduce stress, to control my emotions, to identify bad habits and stop them in their tracks, to see negative thoughts coming from my ego and let them go, to improve my relationships by being more open and caring.

After a while it felt as though this was a new state, it stuck around for maybe 2 months, I could feel it as soon as I woke up, a vivid awareness, I would describe it as “coming on line”. I would continue observing my internal state as often as I could through the day. It became my new way of being. It created within a “space” or cushioning between my experiences and me. I felt as though I was this “observer” now, as I had called it.

After about 2 months, it started to fade. It was like I was getting a taste of what was possible, and now I must do the work to earn it. So I have begun to practice mindfulness now, though this detached observer with space is not currently accessible. I can still obviously observe myself internally, however, I feel identified with what I observe, and so, for instance if I am observing anger, I am IN that anger, not looking at it externally as I was before.

I have heard this “watcher” or “observer” state can come upon people and wake them up in a sense, but that it is transient. I think it was a mistake for me to get attached to this state, as with all experiences, it was impermanent. I am grateful to have had such an experience, though I know now I shouldn’t be trying to attain it again, but rather continue to increase my level of mindfulness or awareness.

I am wondering if other people have had similar experiences, and if so could you share your thoughts and how you have progressed in your path since then?

 

thanks.

[Mulky]

Heres 1 thing to consider.  At first you were just observing everything, but possibly later you started to observe them as something.  Here's how it could have gone. 

1.i'm awareness watching this stuff.

2.I'm something that is awareness/aware watching this stuff.

This can sneak in, because you're aware, now it's like your claiming being aware and are now whatever you think you are being aware, so you are once again conflated with everything else.  I think this might be whats happening.

[WelcometoReality]

@Spaceofawareness The observer state is not the end goal. It is still duality. The observer and the observed. So if the "borders" between these two has dissolved I would call that progress.

[Spaceofawareness]

Thanks,

i have read that this observer state is ultimately not an end goal. It did contain equanimity due to the calm detached state but I think as I came to identify as the observer, the ego reattached then, when I should have been trying to observe this new observer state as an object also (though I have heard that is rather difficult). 

Here’s how I imagine it, my awareness one day split off from experience, creating this space, or separate bubbles or boundaries, allowing awareness to observe with a sense of space and equanimity or detachment. But as I continued to be in this state, the two bubble came back together, still separate but rejoined, and the ego self could then work through the detached awareness. Eventually, the two merged back, and so I am left with the memory of the state, the ability to still observe my states, but still being in them or as them. I don’t know if this is a good metaphor for what happened, but it kind of sounds right.

I do find it more difficult to observe the ego, as it is so close again, but I can do it, but whereas before I could catch thing as they were coming, or sometimes before they came, now I seem to observe states of the ego after they happen, and as the ego.