Rape and Self Love

[remember]

On 12/1/2019 at 1:27 PM, lightnessofbeing said:

Still, my pain, confusion, guilt, shame and anger are not resolved.My question for you is,   how do I reconcile Self Love with bitterness for him and myself (for not setting boundaries) ? I do not want to keep being trapped in past pain but find it hard to forgive. I sometimes have fantasies or revenge. Not violent revenge, just doing something, maybe confronting him or going public with his name. Please help. Thank you for your time. 

reconcile with realizing that you already did - you already left him. don`t let him go on harming you by accepting everything as it is, you can learn from it, learn to say no to people overstepping your boundaries take back your body fully, discover your femininity completely, reclaim power over your body and will - there are even ways to experiment on this trauma sexually if you have a new partner, i guess taking your power back would be best to take place with experimenting with another partner, someone where you can find back to your trust in yourself also learning to talk about what you want and want not. did you have another partner since then?

also a part of self-love really could be going public with it, especially if you think he might do that to other women! although to find out about it, it would be very important to find out if his action was based on low awareness in him and maybe because you did not clearly say no or because he really overstepped that boundary with full understanding of what he was doing. i`m super aware that this does not make it less severe!!! it`s only about the question: if you would have clearly said no would he still have done it? so it`s just about the severeness of what happened. some guys are completely blind if it`s about sexual boundaries and some are super careful and then are afraid to make any move, because they don`t want to overstep any boundary, so it`s also difficult for guys sometimes, without wanting to apologizing the immense dullness of at least guessing the mood (tears are usually a sign for not wanting, or at least tears of joy usually look different from tears of pain). also to understand how it could arive at that point maybe understanding what sexual dynamic you both had before these incidents, was he sadistic from the start? i read that people who experiment a lot with boundaries and pain, that they have signs to signal when to stop, so might be that could also be a good idea for people with bad experiences.

in that sense if he could do the same again and produce other victims it would really be a huge part of self love to make this public or at least finding out if his current girlfriend is ok. so in that sense maybe confronting him would be best, maybe he also feels apologetic on his own, although if not you might get more upset.

Edited December 2, 2019 by remember