Is Fear Of Eternity A Clue Into The Void?

[ChrisGroch]

I am very interested in hearing from anyone in this group that might share a very specific experience of mine. As an adolescent pondering eternity one night, I experienced a tremendous mind-blowing realization of eternity, which for a moment was beautiful, but then was soon followed by an extreme and disabling fear of eternity/infinity. This fear was so intense that after many years of trying to revisit the fear and resolve it, I decided it was not serving me and I learned to forget about it.

I'm curious if anyone in this forum who is seeking deeper truth such as enlightenment, shares a story of this fear of eternity? 

And if so, here is my question:

Do you think this realization / fear was a product of the mind, in which case it's not all that significant? Or was this a glimpse into the void in which case I would benefit from facing the fear and learning more from it?

I am looking for responses really only if you have had either this same direct experience, or have specific experience working with apeirophobia and enlightenment together. People who have experienced this all have a very similar story. It typically starts around age 12,13. And I have found it's very difficult for people who have not had this specific experience to relate to it, which is why I'm attempting to focus the replies I receive.

(I am putting this in the enlightenment category instead of the phobia category because I want to limit insight to the context of my current journey towards enlightenment. This fear is not something I currently struggle with and am not looking for help. I am interested though if it was a clue from my childhood that I ought to pay attention to as I continue this amazing journey.)

 

 

 

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, ChrisGroch said:

I am very interested in hearing from anyone in this group that might share a very specific experience of mine. As an adolescent pondering eternity one night, I experienced a tremendous mind-blowing realization of eternity, which for a moment was beautiful, but then was soon followed by an extreme and disabling fear of eternity/infinity. This fear was so intense that after many years of trying to revisit the fear and resolve it, I decided it was not serving me and I learned to forget about it.

I'm curious if anyone in this forum who is seeking deeper truth such as enlightenment, shares a story of this fear of eternity? 

And if so, here is my question:

Do you think this realization / fear was a product of the mind, in which case it's not all that significant? Or was this a glimpse into the void in which case I would benefit from facing the fear and learning more from it?

I am looking for responses really only if you have had either this same direct experience, or have specific experience working with apeirophobia and enlightenment together. People who have experienced this all have a very similar story. It typically starts around age 12,13. And I have found it's very difficult for people who have not had this specific experience to relate to it, which is why I'm attempting to focus the replies I receive.

(I am putting this in the enlightenment category instead of the phobia category because I want to limit insight to the context of my current journey towards enlightenment. This fear is not something I currently struggle with and am not looking for help. I am interested though if it was a clue from my childhood that I ought to pay attention to as I continue this amazing journey.)

Was it in the sense of being afraid of being so small and insignificant in an infinite universe? Imagining how inconsequential your actions are because Earth is a small dot in space. Fear of being forgotten after you die? If so, I had a persistent, powerful fear of this until my first enlightenment experience. This fear has weakened as a result of the two enlightenment experiences that I had and years of inner work after the fact. Either way, I would say that you definitely want to explore this fear, and let it hit you completely. Be with the sensation of the emotion in the body without trying to make yourself feel better. Watch your thoughts as they arise but don't attempt to control them or get involved with them. Just allow the fear completely without trying to change it. When the fear comes up see it as an opportunity and not as something wrong.

[ChrisGroch]

Emerald thank you for your response! I would say that it wasn't a fear of insignificance, although I can see how that can occur. But it was more the fear of existing forever. If I exist forever without an end - this is what is feared. 

So is this fear of living forever a sign of experiencing the void? Or is it a fear that the mind creates because "it" is afraid of living forever?

[JustinS]

@ChrisGroch I'd recommend going into a float tank  you will thank me, or not. Take a look inside and surrender to all that arises and give them love and attention they are begging more. Eternity is here and Now, the more you look for it the more it will hide.  

[cetus]

4 hours ago, ChrisGroch said:

But it was more the fear of existing forever. If I exist forever without an end - this is what is feared. 

It sounds as if your looking at this as if a "you" will be in a place that is infinite. That would be a very bleak picture from the perspective of mind. A hell of sorts because "you" are in it. Such a place exists only in the mind. Mind or "You" exist within time and space. Existence, from the perspective of mind is also happening within time and space. Infinity has no time or space or "you".  That is what makes it infinite. Maybe you had a brief glimpse of infinity, I don't know. But it sounds like your mind than placed itself into that picture after the experience? That is what doesn't fit. Your mind is trying to place it's familiar constructs of time and space (and you) into a field that has no time or space or "you". When "You" become totally non-existant, that's infinity. **I refrained from using the term "eternity" because that implies time. That is a religious idea of an afterlife and something I personally could never except when I was growing up. I don't care how much one likes harp music,  you wouldn't want to have to listen to it 24/7 for all eternity.