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rNOW

Nothing matters or everything matters?

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Okay I apologize for this title. But I'm not sure how else to phrase it. Have you ever been in a phase where everything you do matters, and doesn't matter both at the same time? This has been on my mind for a few days now and it needs some clarity.

So there seems to be some shift in my value system, and the tasks that I used to put off, and the tasks that I used to look forward to, both have become leveled somehow. I'm not sure if this is a form of non-reactiveness or numbness to situations. It doesn't feel bad to be in this mode, but it doesn't feel good either. It is more or less 'bland'. I used to be highly sensitive earlier, sad things used to make me cry, now it doesn't. Sure I'm sad, but it's 'okay-sad' and 'okay-happy' when I'm happy. It's like my expression of my emotions have gone down. Also I seem to have no real goals in life now. I do have short term goals, or personal development goals or even an idea of the direction I want my life to go. But I'm fine if it doesn't go that way; either-way, I'm fine if I die tomorrow. More like I've lost the willingness to 'struggle' and it doesn't 'feel like a struggle'- both at the same time. (I'm not depressed. I've known that state up closely years ago, this is different.) 

This has come about a year after I had a fall-out with someone I used to be close with. I found myself being very resentful towards this person, and so I started observing my resentments and wishing them well instead whenever I encountered them. This said person often lies and manipulates people around them and it used to bother me a lot, especially when someone else was their 'victim'. However, now I feel it's not my battle to pick and it doesn't bother me anymore. I've learned to practice being non-reactive around this person. Is this what is spilling around in other areas of my life even where this person is not concerned or is it numbness? Because I do not want to become insensitive to everything and I've been in that phase before, but this time it seems more 'final' that I cannot seem to want to go back. 

Anyone with the similar experiences or have some insights?

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Posted (edited)

@rNOW

You've succeeded in disidentifying yourself from external factors. You've created a gap between 'you' and 'other'.

Now that you've become aware of how suffering gets created, it's time to collapse that gap. It's time to take no-suffering to the next level, peace of mind.

Take more. Reject less.

Do more. Think less.

Soon enough, that peace of mind will turn into happiness, and that happiness will turn into bliss.

Edited by Truth Addict

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@Truth Addict Thanks, yeah possibly, it has been a few days and I seem to be going back to getting sucked in the emotional drama around me, but maybe it comes in phases. 

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