Flashbacks and Ego backlashes in the worst possible ways

[Nadosa]

Short story: Awakened two years ago. Ever since life feels like it shouldnt have happened after that day or feels like it is "a dream". Feeling like my person, ego, sense of self is there but I cant attach to it with my logic anymore. 

Yesterday I went through this awakening mentally. It was painful. I got a huge backlash. I felt like I was going insane. It felt like I perceived life the way it would be if I believed my stories and thoughts: horrible. Then this sense of self my logic tries to get a grip on...but it doesnt work. It triggers a feeling of "death" being the only solution for my logic. My body seems not to be integrated at all. Focusing on breath triggers dissociative feelings of my body not being "mine".

Furthermore this logic thing is always underneath lingering there just waiting to pop on the surface. It makes some situations unbearable. Mind says: it makes no sense that I am here alive when "your person in your head" died 2 years ago. Story? Why is this story there? Somehow it is there and just feels so true. 

I got Flashbacks too yesterday, I felt set back into the past, I was taken into another dimension, absolute utter horror. And I have absolutely no clue how to deal with that stuff. Logic doesnt work. I am just utterly and deeply confused. And that makes me very anxious.

Edited August 12, 2019 by Nadosa

[ChrisZoZo]

Go to a sage now. Either moojiji or sadguru there are many people that can help you out but they must be enlitend and you must meet them in person, Also can i add that anxious, pain and confusion are all obversed and are part of the dream that you awakened from so how can this things even bother you really, just saying. Also if you can't get to some one in irl then try watching moojiji videos and find a case that is answered by him similar to yours and TRUST me this is easier that it seems.