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Adam Lockworth

How to value yourself?

2 posts in this topic

About eight years ago I got bullied really badly and ever since then I think I've felt like I am not good enough. I for some reason spend a lot of my day thinking about manipulative ways to make people be amazed by me since I have this deep feeling that if I do not have a lot of money and a really hot girl then I'm not interesting. The thing that I believe hurt the most is that up until the bullying started I was always nice to people, never said any curse words, always helped people, never judged someone and so on. Then, despite doing nothing wrong, I get "devalued" and put down.

I've tried therapy, meditation, yoga, training, eating healthy, going out and finding my life passion. The issue is that the second I stop with my work or don't spend time with my friends or my girlfriend, the second I am alone I start making up scenarios where people will love me. I'vegot an amazing job, awesome girlfriend, nice friends, fun and regular training habit, strong meditation habit, strong yoga habit, good work ethic but I am always scared of other peoples opinions and when I don't hold it in I hurt peoples emotions.

 

Any tips on what the next step might be? I am out of options... I can't stop these thoughts and stories. Thanks! :)

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Do what makes you feel better. 

It’s not that you are or are not “good enough”, it’s that you would be happier without judging yourself and others like that. 

Stop and think about this now. You are focused on something that happened 8 years ago. That’s your choice You could’ve chose anything healing, loving, freeing instead. 

Let the thought stories about what other people think of you go. You’ve weaved them into how you think of yourself. Neither, in any case ever, is true. 

You are never “devalued” - what you are doing, is believing your thoughts. 

Be mindful of how you have been inattentive to negative thoughts about yourself. Just notice em. That is enough. Notice you do have the choice to agree, to believe those thoughts, or not. Over time the momentum will shift. Speed it up by loving your self, taking care of yourself, and doing things you like. 

Be alone for days, see that this is your perspective - nothing to do with anyone else. 

And for God sake, have a laugh at yourself. 


  Nonduality & Meditations         

Empty your head, fulfill your heart       

 

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