About eight years ago I got bullied really badly and ever since then I think I've felt like I am not good enough. I for some reason spend a lot of my day thinking about manipulative ways to make people be amazed by me since I have this deep feeling that if I do not have a lot of money and a really hot girl then I'm not interesting. The thing that I believe hurt the most is that up until the bullying started I was always nice to people, never said any curse words, always helped people, never judged someone and so on. Then, despite doing nothing wrong, I get "devalued" and put down.
I've tried therapy, meditation, yoga, training, eating healthy, going out and finding my life passion. The issue is that the second I stop with my work or don't spend time with my friends or my girlfriend, the second I am alone I start making up scenarios where people will love me. I'vegot an amazing job, awesome girlfriend, nice friends, fun and regular training habit, strong meditation habit, strong yoga habit, good work ethic but I am always scared of other peoples opinions and when I don't hold it in I hurt peoples emotions.
Any tips on what the next step might be? I am out of options... I can't stop these thoughts and stories. Thanks!