I Think I've Realised My Confidence Issue... Am I On The Right Track?

[The White Belt]

So I posted about confidence issues before and I've had a bit of a realisation. 

 

I'm nowhere near selfish enough.

 

I don't strive to make much money because I know there are so many unfortunate poor people out there and as long as I can get by I'm fine with that - extreme I know. 

I don't contribute to conversation much because I think people deserve to speak more than me.

If something's bothering me I won't speak up in a situation or to a person because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable

I don't express myself because I don't feel like I deserve to be seen or heard how I'd like to.

I don't feel like I deserve a special life because nobody around me is leading a special life.

I don't know how this all came about in my life - but just telling myself I deserve this. That I can be selfish - is helping a great deal.

 

Am I on the right path? Is this a true realisation? 

 

Thanks 

 

[charlie2dogs]

39 minutes ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

So I posted about confidence issues before and I've had a bit of a realisation. 

 

I'm nowhere near selfish enough.

 

I don't strive to make much money because I know there are so many unfortunate poor people out there and as long as I can get by I'm fine with that - extreme I know. 

I don't contribute to conversation much because I think people deserve to speak more than me.

If something's bothering me I won't speak up in a situation or to a person because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable

I don't express myself because I don't feel like I deserve to be seen or heard how I'd like to.

I don't feel like I deserve a special life because nobody around me is leading a special life.

I don't know how this all came about in my life - but just telling myself I deserve this. That I can be selfish - is helping a great deal.

 

Am I on the right path? Is this a true realisation? 

 

Thanks 

 

it sounds more like its the identity attempting to justify where you as the identity are.

you said: I don't strive to make much money because I know there are so many unfortunate poor people out there and as long as I can get by I'm fine with that - extreme I know,

When i was working i came face to face with people who were slipping through the cracks of life.  I could have said oh well, there is many unfortunate people out there and went on my way.  But there was something inside of me that was asking a question and that question was ( what is really important here) sometimes i would spend several hours with someone to help them understand the problem they were facing, sometimes they had no means to help themselves at all, had been abandoned by everyone to basically die, i could have said oh well there are many unfortunate people out there and i cant save them all and went on my way, but again there was this question that kept coming from within ( what is really important here) are you going on your way and enjoy life or reach out a hand and pull that person back from being lost and sometimes even taking their life.  Two times that i chose to attempt to save someone knowing it could cost me my life, and it almost did one of those two times, but i trusted that little voice inside of myself that said, this is the right thing to do, you are fine and went on.  For 22 years i took care of a disabled lady who had been abandoned by family and friends, for for several years, had to do most everything for her, and now that she is completely disabled and has to be looked after by nurses in a place where they can, i take care of her dog, but he is a very special dog,  Im not saying this for praise, or recognition, but to give you examples of how consciousness can work in your life.  For many years i have been able to choose what i do, in a way that no longer brings consequences and keeps me in liberation.  Liberation is what consciousness seeks when it awakens from the dream.

you said: I don't contribute to conversation much because I think people deserve to speak more than me.

Maybe this is because you have nothing of value to give to them right now,

you said: I don't express myself because I don't feel like I deserve to be seen or heard how I'd like to.

this is because you are functioning as an insecure human identity.  When you experience the real you it will create some passion in your life that will enable you to do things that you couldn't do before.

you said: I don't feel like I deserve a special life because nobody around me is leading a special life.

this is because you don't understand or have the knowledge of who you are they really are.  When you fully awaken and become self realized you will know you are the creative power of this universe.

you said: I don't know how this all came about in my life - but just telling myself I deserve this. That I can be selfish - is helping a great deal.

my question is how is you feeling that you deserve to be selfish, helping you a great deal, what is actually being helped here, it is the fictitious identity that is feeling this and right now it feels good to you.

you said:  Am I on the right path? Is this a true realisation?  I am going to be completely honest with you here.  Now i am sure you will have many say that this is part of some path that you are on, that it is just part of your growing up,  or part of personal growth, and yes that may be to some extent, but i dont tend to tell people things that encourage their behavior when it is not constructive to them or others,  I used to be like you are now when i functioned as the identity but i didnt know then that all the bs i thought i knew was only bs because i knew nothing about my real being, now i know better, so i would say to you, you can call anything a true realization but what does that mean and in relation to what.  What you are experiencing is ideas and thoughts of the identity, ego and desires of the flesh and that feels good to you because that is all you know right now.

When your consciousness begins to awaken more, your ideas about this may take a serious change in direction.  This is not intended to be a criticism of you or what you are doing, it is an attempt to help you see some things from another place of being and if you have the ability to contemplate these things, something will arise from your own consciousness because of it.

[step1]

1 hour ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

So I posted about confidence issues before and I've had a bit of a realisation. 

 

I'm nowhere near selfish enough.

 

I don't strive to make much money because I know there are so many unfortunate poor people out there and as long as I can get by I'm fine with that - extreme I know. 

I don't contribute to conversation much because I think people deserve to speak more than me.

If something's bothering me I won't speak up in a situation or to a person because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable

I don't express myself because I don't feel like I deserve to be seen or heard how I'd like to.

I don't feel like I deserve a special life because nobody around me is leading a special life.

I don't know how this all came about in my life - but just telling myself I deserve this. That I can be selfish - is helping a great deal.

 

Am I on the right path? Is this a true realisation? 

 

Thanks 

 

What is your self esteem like?  I have the same issue where I thought I wasn't selfish enough, but actually, deep down the real issue is that I don't feel that I deserve anything good.  I just labelled it as 'not selfish enough' to deny that I have self esteem issues.

[vizual]

Actually, not contributing to conversation, not speaking up, not expressing yourself and not giving yourself fully to the world is the most selfish thing you can do. If anything, you should be less selfish.

[The White Belt]

@vizual Elaborate?

[The White Belt]

Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. Leo has studied him. He can't be far off being self-actualised. Apart from the spirituality. But in the original hiarachy of needs there isn't a point on spirituality so going of that he must be actualised. And he was the most selfish person out there!