Fear of not being understood

[sausagehead]

Is the fear of not being understood and insecurity the same thing? If you always felt understood could you feel insecure? 

[oMarcos]

maybe thats why i have ocd... let's say, if I can assure myself that I "understand" myself (and my ocd can play a huge role on that) then I dont care if others dont "understand", i feel safe

 

so yes, i think its totally related, 1 are the same thing. actually i never thought too much about this, its really worth it to contemplate. we could also add the fear of not being loved on the list, everything is all wired in the end

Edited April 27, 2019 by oMarcos

[Lister]

35 minutes ago, sausagehead said:

Is the fear of not being understood and insecurity the same thing? If you always felt understood could you feel insecure? 

I have thought about this in depth and have been doing some work around this very issue. The fear I believe comes from the past when suffering happened as a consequence of being misunderstood and that had an impact of being a threat to my survival. In Abraham Maslows work he talks about baseline survival needs that need to be met before self actualization can happen. We evolved emotions as survival mechanisms, and if our survival has been threatened at some point during our development (by our need to be understood not being aknowledged for example) this creates a shadow self that unconsciously keeps pushing to be understood later on in life. 

Obviously we cannot change the past, but only learn to process the suffering that still bothers us now. So when I feel misunderstood I understand that the fear i feel now is only remembered suffering from the past and I just own, accept and process the suffering. 

Most people unconsciously enact the fear and try to get understood rather than understand why they feel afraid. This is probably why life can be challenging for us, as trying to be understood in adulthood is unrealistic and self defeating behaviour. 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Lister

[tecladocasio]

@sausagehead I think you can be insecure about all sorts of things , not being understood is one of them . Why people must understand you ? Only because you don't accept yourself and need their approval . That's an interesting question .