Reconciliation Between Personal Development and Relationships

[lnfinite]

Would love to hear the actualized.org community's perspective and advice on my confusion and situation

I am 17 years old in highschool coming to the end of my junior year. I've been lucky to have been exposed to Leo's content at such an early age indeed. I've been watching for about three years solely understanding theory of personal development and consciousness work. more so consciousness work because of my great curiosity of epistemology, metaphysics, and what reality is at a fundamental level. But also i realize how both personal development and raising ones consciousness needs to be integrated in a wholistic manner. I've come upon a great resistance in the process of this. You see the way in which the modern education system works is that the kids spend the majority of their life in school and the in between time of changes you make, many cannot see. In my case beginning in freshman year i cared about others opinions a little too much and had never been in an intimate/sexual relationship, so i was having problems and was finding solutions and i stumbled upon Leo's channel. This was when i discovered personal development and spent all of my time outside of school watching and understanding the concepts. At that point and as of now i am feeling the loneliness issue. I've known people for years from school because we grew up from elementary and had friends in the past but i have no friendships outside of school whatsoever right now and just seeing them in school is not enough of an interaction to create friendships usually. But i have realized the ignorance of these people over these past three years(mainly because this is the default position of my age group in this society and time). Now i haven't done all that much research on diet but i've implemented a whole foods plant based diet which i love. I feel firmly that my conceptual understanding of life and reality is at Yellow from my open mindedness and curiosity primarily. I want to raise the consciousness of humanity and integrate that with my life purpose etc. etc. etc. BUT LOOK AT ALL THIS. i want to do this and embody my understanding and make it concrete in my life but i feel resistance. i have Orange sexual desires. Desires for looking attractive/approval, friends, social circle most that this stage tends to exhibit and partake in. i want to exhaust and integrate the elements of this stage that are in me(explore sex create relationships) but the girls and the people all just do drugs and don't understand diet and eat Mcdonald's and everything that qualifies as shit food, their notion of god is not even close to that which is the absolute or that it all could be all one and that she/he is it, they have no open mindedness and can't even handle setting aside their dogma on maybe JUST ONE SIMPLE TOPIC NOT SOMETHING EVEN WORTH IT LIKE NONDUALITY?. I know it's long but just wanted to give you guys as much context as i could. To put it clear cut, should i try and find a way to integrate this stage of developing masculinity and exhaust sex and social circle even when my environment doesn't resonate with me whatsoever or just forget about it and only focus on personal development? It's hard because the lower stage of Maslow's hierarchy is calling to me and i crave those things but it's hard to function in my environment and be myself (which correlates with masculinity and attraction) and i want to integrate and transcend these tendencies to move on to the life i want to create. How do i embody my understanding with an environment like this? can i even? or should i just be alone?

Please help! i would appreciate it 

And if you all can encourage Leo to see this in some way it would change my life!

[bejapuskas]

@lnfinite  Hey buddy, I understand what you're going through right now. 

I also had this issue with friends, I tried to indoctrinate this idea of growth into them, but it made more damage than it helped. Later I realized, how proud, selfish and undeveloped I was. I was desperate to help everybody else, without first taking care of myself. Maybe that's is similar to your situation as well?

I also have sexual cravings, and I've never had sex before. It really sucks, I cannot really meditate nowadays because of it. Maybe it is just something that happens to us guys in this age...  Just make sure not to use someone for sex, as it might ruin their lives... Girls don't like guys who only talk about colours by the way, that's an important lesson that I learnt by doing exactly that hahahahhahahaha

[lnfinite]

@bejapuskas I see, but not quite my situation. i've developed myself to a Yellow conceptual understanding of life. This i can tell because of the typical annoyances, traps, thoughts, and embodiment of Yellow resonates with me deeply. but i have masculinity issues and not wanting to express myself because of my environment is not even closely related to my values and understanding. It is hard to date because well there ate plenty of girls attractive ones too, but they are low quality. mostly all are involved with drugs and alcohol which consimes most of their time and they just live mediocre lives. my conflict is that i want to date and have friends/relationships but my environment doesn't resonate with me. Not that i need to preach to people all my ideas but i feel it is hard to embody masculine energy which encompasses in it self expression and not valuing other peoples opinion over your own. Can i date and create relationships/friendships in this environment? or should i  just be alone? i really don't even want to suggest only being alone because i want to handle my girl situation and be out in the world.

[bejapuskas]

@lnfinite  You are still not fully yellow. Part of being yellow is detachment from your ideas, which is clearly not where you are at right now, it causes all the annoyance with other people... Your cognitive understanding might be deep, but you always know more than you can embody. 

With relationships... Try not to judge people so much maybe? I understand, that when you see someone taking drugs or drinking too much alcohol, they are definitely not an ideal partner, just because they value their health too little. But there are so many amazing people, but you don't see them, because you think they are „lower colour“ than you. Try doing more social networking, go to social events and stuff, there is so much growth to be explored there. 

[lnfinite]

@Leo Gura Fuck Leo i need help. i've evolved my understanding of life so far as to exceed being ideological and i can't lie to myself that the Truth isn't the truth so i know where to go and that this path is the only path. But i haven't been with girls like i want to and exhausted all the lower rungs of Maslow's hierarchy of belonging, friends, love, relationships, sex and they are fucking killing me it's too hard to work on personal development and consciousness work when these cravings and needs are becoming all that i want, but also it's hard to function in social environments when i've been working on understanding all these advanced ideas for years becuase NOBODY GETS ANY OF IT, and in these settings is where i satisfy these needs???. Leo you are the only one that understands the roadblocks and paradox's students of personal development and consciousness work goes through. I need guidance or insight on something im thinking of incorrectly or doing wrong.

[bejapuskas]

@lnfinite  Your pride is the thing that's killing you. Stop being good in your head.

[JohnnyBravo]

The loneliness issue is not necessarily a personal issue to you.

Many kids your age are experiencing it as well. Why now? Phone use and internet use is too much. People lack social banter now.

If you invest some attention into learning to banter with old ladies, old men, children, girls, guys your age, bookstore clerks......you will have a skillset few people will have in 10 years.

Dare i say the skillset will be extinct by then.

So young one- get out there and start talking to strangers about anything!!

[bejapuskas]

1 hour ago, JohnnyBravo said:

The loneliness issue is not necessarily a personal issue to you.

Many kids your age are experiencing it as well. Why now? Phone use and internet use is too much. People lack social banter now.

If you invest some attention into learning to banter with old ladies, old men, children, girls, guys your age, bookstore clerks......you will have a skillset few people will have in 10 years.

Dare i say the skillset will be extinct by then.

So young one- get out there and start talking to strangers about anything!!

Really solid advice there.

[lnfinite]

@JohnnyBravo I will take that into consideration. I appreciate it

[JohnnyBravo]

Don't take the phone thing as just "oh ok that's just an opinion."

It's a serious, serious fucking toxic issue.

Don't take it lightly or think it doesn't have an affect. It has a big bad effect.

 

[lnfinite]

@JohnnyBravo I am not closed off to it by any means but just feel like there is something else that i might be missing.

[lnfinite]

More people read my story! would love more of the community's perspective?

[Ataraxia]

Saying that Leo is the only person that can help is an issue. That sounds like religion to me. He is not your God. You are.

Keep your head up. 

[bejapuskas]

@lnfinite  Stop deluding yourself, you don't need to become anything special, just enjoy life as it is and learn from every opportunity, not just Leo, that would be some hardcore self-deception. If you just understand things, nobody is gonna pay you or love you just because of that, do you understand this? Even if you would attain Satori, people could still walk all over you and stuff... And nobody can help you on this path, you need to work.

[lnfinite]

@bejapuskas Yes i've already understood that Satori does not relinquish all other egoic problems like shadows, people pleasing, victim mentality and various others. And how could you say that i'm self deceived when i've already realized enlightenment doesn't just poof away all problems when it is not true im not a noobie. And im not claiming Leo is "a god above all of us" or better than the members of this community. I just want Leo's say on this over most of yours(not saying im not open to your opinions and perspective) but he has studied many sources for years of personal development and enlightenment and has probably had to integrate his insights from many of those nondual experiences and how they involve relationships, business, and all of fuckin life. While i do not truly know of this, im pretty sure this sounds good enough for me to want his advice over most of your guys' but im not closed whatsoever to what you have to say that's why im on the forum to begin with. So don't get it twisted.

[bejapuskas]

1 minute ago, lnfinite said:

@bejapuskas And how could you say that i'm self deceived when i've already realized enlightenment doesn't just poof away all problems when it is not true im not a noobie

If you think like this, you will be deceived. 

[lnfinite]

@bejapuskas To be decieved is to be distinct which is how form comes into existence. So to say that i am decieved because right now just as i addressed that means you are not understanding what i am telling you, and in essence you are deceiving yourself?. Please take a careful look at what i've said again. Emphasis on CAREFULLY

[bejapuskas]

@lnfinite  A zen master would hit you with his stick ?

[JohnnyBravo]

You're not missing anything.

Just get out there and get addicted and obsessive and good at the skillset of talking with people.

Stop ovethinking it!!

[lnfinite]

@JohnnyBravo?