Becoming A Hermit?

[mandyjw]

The more I get into consciousness work, learn about enlightenment and spirituality the more I feel like withdrawing from other people.  I feel like being around people pulls me into making judgements and engaging in other behaviors that are unconscious. The question is do I need the challenge of it or do I need the time by myself to ground myself first? Will this stage last and should I embrace it or fight it?

To be more specific about who I mean by "people" I have a family and they aren't an issue for me. With the work I've been doing my marriage and relationship with my kids has really improved. But my friendships and most outside social interactions are a big issue for me right now.

[Guest]

You might just be outgrowing those relationships. If you discover you have no authentic desire to maintain those relationships, then let them go.

[SkyPanther]

13 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

The more I get into consciousness work, learn about enlightenment and spirituality the more I feel like withdrawing from other people.  I feel like being around people pulls me into making judgements and engaging in other behaviors that are unconscious. The question is do I need the challenge of it or do I need the time by myself to ground myself first? Will this stage last and should I embrace it or fight it?

To be more specific about who I mean by "people" I have a family and they aren't an issue for me. With the work I've been doing my marriage and relationship with my kids has really improved. But my friendships and most outside social interactions are a big issue for me right now.

The Dalai Lama, the Buddha, Jesus, Tolle and other exemplars of enlightenment have all stated that finding the things in yourself that cause you distress or the labeling of other people as "difficult", are things coming from your ego.  The thing that gets upset is the ego, it is the thing that is not accepting.  So if you are working toward the goal of "ego death" practicing your patience, acceptance and seeing the non-personal nature of phenomena is the way to go.

Of course a lot of people also opt out of society and become hermits.  And you can be happy doing either.  The Buddha recommended renunciation of the home/work life into asceticism because it is a much easier path.  But there were/are "laypeople" that become enlightened, it is harder though.  You have to worry about kids, work, making your house payments, etc.   Also, once you get the realization, disenchantment with "things" also comes about, so you have to deal with that as well, which is easier when you are a Monk or Ascetic. 

 

[Waveenergy]

@SkyPanther Do you have any advice for someone who has identified the ego and is working towards confronting it and the goal of "ego death"? I am not religious but have been interested in Budhism for some time. 

[SkyPanther]

1 hour ago, Jonahjulius said:

@SkyPanther Do you have any advice for someone who has identified the ego and is working towards confronting it and the goal of "ego death"? I am not religious but have been interested in Budhism for some time. 

Sure, if you want to skip all the ritual, and religious overlay on the teachings, just get this:

In the Buddha's Words: An Anthology of Discourses from the Pali Canon (Teachings of the Buddha)

http://www.amazon.com/Buddhas-Words-Anthology-Discourses-Teachings/dp/0861714911

Conversely, the main teachings are just centered around mindfulness, meditation, and seeing how mind moves from one thing to another.

My meditation teacher classes mindfulness as: "Mindfulness means “remembering” to observe mind’s attention as it moves moment-to-moment and remembering what to do with any arising phenomena.”

Do that throughout the day and during sitting meditation (you don't have to be perfect with it when you are not actually meditating).

When you get upset, happy, or whatever other emotion away from "calm", notice it, release it, and move back to calm.  The emotion will stay there for a bit and then go away (so long as you are not engaging with it).

If you have a habit of doing something negative, be mindful of it, recognize that you are doing it, and stop it.  The habit will soon start to fade. 

All of this is to display that your personality "you"(the ego) are not "self".  So anytime you have some egoic attachment, you see it for what it is, and slowly diminish it.  That could be anything that you are attached to or crave.  So, sex, drugs, looking at your Smartphone every other minute... heh... etc... 

The Buddha just taught that life is unsatisfactory (sometimes translated as suffering) because things are impermanent. (Entropy).  Things and people break, and die. Happy(or sad) moments are fleeting.  The reason for the unsatisfactoriness is craving (desire).  Desire comes from wanting or not wanting things to be a certain way. So if you want to be happy, stop desiring(and clinging to) things.  

The way you do that is with the Eightfold Path:

http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/8foldpath.htm

 

Hope this is helpful.

 

 

 

Edited March 30, 2016 by SkyPanther

[Waveenergy]

@SkyPanther Thank you for taking the time to reply. I will look into the resources you provided to learn further. I try to keep up a regular meditation practice as well but have not tried a teacher. 

You mention that desire (egoic attachment) comes from wanting or not wanting things to be a certain way. Could this idea explain our tendency to be bored and constantly crave stimulation? The way I had rationalized this tendency is through the idea of equilibrium and the human brain craving situations in which it is not in danger. This explains what Leo terms "backsliding" and the difficulty to change old habits and behavioral patterns. 

With little progress in trying to muscle my way through this equilibrium through criticism, I have taken an alternate route beginning with acceptance of self... So could you say that acceptance is the key to the destruction of ego?

P.S., I am not against ritual and religious overlay, it is something I may still investigate further. Thank you for providing a secular version though.  

 

[SkyPanther]

2 hours ago, Jonahjulius said:

@SkyPanther Thank you for taking the time to reply. I will look into the resources you provided to learn further. I try to keep up a regular meditation practice as well but have not tried a teacher. 

You mention that desire (egoic attachment) comes from wanting or not wanting things to be a certain way. Could this idea explain our tendency to be bored and constantly crave stimulation? The way I had rationalized this tendency is through the idea of equilibrium and the human brain craving situations in which it is not in danger. This explains what Leo terms "backsliding" and the difficulty to change old habits and behavioral patterns. 

With little progress in trying to muscle my way through this equilibrium through criticism, I have taken an alternate route beginning with acceptance of self... So could you say that acceptance is the key to the destruction of ego?

P.S., I am not against ritual and religious overlay, it is something I may still investigate further. Thank you for providing a secular version though.  

 

Yes, egoic attachment for stimuli and against boredom are (among others) the roots of desire.

The Buddha called equanimity as the "ideal" mind state. That is the mind state that he was in most of the time.  Ditto for people like Tolle. 

The 4th meditative absorption (called Jhana) is equanimity.  You will know when you reach it, because you feel neither happy, nor sad.  Your mind is like still water in a pond, or basin.  Staying mindful is also very easy in this state, but you can also think, and when you do, your mind is very quick. Things are clearer.

Acceptance is not so much the key, but the result.  You can thin the ego though, with accepting things that previously upset you.

The Buddha was against rituals for ritual sake(thinking that ritual alone will get you to enlightenment), the first step of enlightenment is understanding exactly this:

(Not)Clinging to rites and rituals - Eradication of the view that one becomes pure simply through performing rituals (animal sacrifices, ablutions, chanting, etc.) or adhering to rigid moralism or relying on a god for non-causal delivery. Rites and rituals now function more to obscure, than to support the right view of the sotāpanna's now opened dharma eye. The sotāpanna realizes that deliverance can be won only through the practice of the Noble Eightfold Path. It is the elimination of the notion that there are miracles, or shortcuts.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sot%C4%81panna#Three_fetters

 

Edited March 30, 2016 by SkyPanther

[Lou Lou]

Hi Everyone,

I have been in a similar situation. Throughout my life I have taken jobs just to earn an income and to pay the bills they have not been jobs where I see myself developing a career. Currently been unemployed for two months and am at a point where I am stressed, worried thinking how am I going to pay my bills etc. I have been applying for so many jobs since the day I left my old job and not had much success. I am getting so desperate, frusrated, angry with people I am around, always negative, starting to doubt my own capabilities thinking what is wrong with me really down and depressed. The jobs that I get interviews for are only temporary 6 months here and there nothing permanent. All I want is to secure something definite and then I will feel complete. Just feel like I am pushed from pilar to post and I am not achieving anything at all. My socialise life has gone to pot I don't get out and about due to the money issue and I feel life is running away with me and I am getting left on the shelf. Relationships is another issue why is it so hard to meet genuine people these days they seem to have a one track mind. What is this world coming to. Are there like minded people going through the same as me lets talk and exchange views look forward to hearing from you all.

[Nic]

@Lou Lou  Hi Lou Lou

Learn to stop being judgmental, dividing the world in good and bad, you've got to accept the world and your situation as it is, Leo and this forum will help you get in there in no time if you are ready to do the work.

Learn about mindfulness and don't forget not to be angry at yourself for not being where you want yourself to be on this path of being aware. Watch the different layers of thoughts!

Smile to life and life will smile back at you! 

Good luck!

[Leo Gura]

On 3/29/2016 at 1:41 PM, mandyjw said:

The more I get into consciousness work, learn about enlightenment and spirituality the more I feel like withdrawing from other people.  I feel like being around people pulls me into making judgements and engaging in other behaviors that are unconscious. The question is do I need the challenge of it or do I need the time by myself to ground myself first? Will this stage last and should I embrace it or fight it?

Both.

I find myself needing more and more solitude.

It's fine if you have a good reason for it.

It's a problem if you're using it as an excuse to run away from judgments you make and the like. If people annoy or emotionally upset you, that's grist for the self-actualization mill.

But I find myself spending lots of time in solitude simply because I need time to contemplate and meditate and I get little value out of regular social interactions. This is fine. You should have no problem spending 100s of hours in solitude. If anything, people are under-doing solitude rather than overdoing it. Just make sure you're not using that solitude time to steep in your own egoic malaise, but actually doing inner work. If you're on a path to become just another depressive loner, you're doing it wrong. That's not what enlightenment work is about at all.

Being a hermit is a great thing when done for the right reasons. It's a terrible thing when done for egoic reasons or shadow reasons.