And Another Journey Begins

[tashawoodfall]

I took before pictures of my body today and I'm completely horrified.  It's like my mind was telling me it wasn't that bad as I looked in the mirror but taking pictures was brutally honest.  I'm horrified like I said and in the back of my mind my thoughts were terrible from "no wonder your ex is not begging for you back" to "that explains why men aren't turning their heads anymore" to "wow you are a fatass" etc.  I printed out three copies of these photos to put on my fridge around the house 

[tashawoodfall]

I posted it on my mirror and wrote with lipstick on the mirror "that's not me" "fix it" "don't fuck around" and "wow" 

 

damn.

[tashawoodfall]

I've decided I will start tracking calories.  My whiteboard on my refrigerator will be used to track calories.  Every week I go grocery shopping and end up with a few choices.  Then I write down the calories for each choice and as my day goes by and I eat, I'll write everything down.  

A Rule:  No eating out anywhere or anytime until I get my weight back on track.

I wake up at 4AM and sleep between 8PM-10PM.  

 I like the idea of eating smaller portions every 3 hours, it makes sense how this would be better for the body and for my energy.

5:30AM 250 cals

8:30AM 450 cals

11:30AM 150 cals (shake)

2:30PM 150 cals

5:30PM 250 cals

 

The goal is 1250 calories a day.  If I stick to working out every day and this way of eating, I will lose 1-2 lbs a week.  I should be at my goal in approximately 3 months time.  By December, right before the new year  

 

 

[tashawoodfall]

Day 1: Workout + Ate Healthy

Day 2: Workout  + Cheated

Day 3: No Workout + Cheated

Day 4: No Workout + Ate Healthy

Day 5: No Workout + Ate Healthy

Day 6: Workout + Ate Healthy

Day 7: No Workout + Ate Healthy

Day 8: No Workout + Cheated 

Those first 8 days was practice and adjustment/learning 

My Streak Finally Starts 

Day 1: Workout + Ate Healthy

Day 2: Workout + Ate Healthy

Day 3: Workout + Ate Healthy

The Goal: to do 28 days straight

     Fitness:  do 1 workout DVD (of your choice) every day (4AM-5:30AM)

     Nutrition: Eat 5 small portions a day, stay within caloric intake goal (1,250 cals/day)

 

I find leaving myself the freedom to do whichever workout I feel like doing that day (where I just pick a workout DVD) helps.  Not having that fixed structure makes it easier to do.  Again, my main and first goal is to build this habit.  My future goal (after 28 days) will involve better balancing the types of workouts I am doing.

Also now having set times that I eat, and eating more often (smaller portions) is much easier for me because now I'm not left hungry before bed or in the middle of the day.  Having too much of that feeling of repression (hunger) I feel like makes me more likely to cheat.  

It also has helped to know I am eating within my goal caloric intake.  So taking the time to count my option's calories after grocery shopping helps.  Right now I am focused again on building a habit to eat 5 small portions a day (every 3 hours) and to stay within my goal caloric intake.  My future goal will involve improving the types of nutrition I am getting..making my eating habits healthier.

 

Next "Level" goals: (28 days)

     Fitness: Now follow a workout  game plan to better balance the types of workouts you are doing (cardio & weight training balance)

     Nutrition: Now cut out all breads (except ezekiel bread) and sugars.

 

 

[tashawoodfall]

I've been feeling an urge to meditate lately and today I decided I'd allow it to come over me.  This ended up as a 2-hour meditation.  Through some of it I found myself filled with emotion and tears.  I guess there was a lot to face and I did.  I was able to let go and allow the emotions to express itself.  I feel in a sense cleansed a bit.  

A lot of the emotion that came out was about my recent breakup.  I've come to the reality that I will not ever see that man again.  The essence of who he is gave me an unexplainable feeling when knowing I'd never see him again.  I had to let go.  The attachment to what seems to be a soul level type of attachment slowly melted away.  I got to a point where there was a very subtle shift where I softly wished him the best in his life and appreciated who he is on a sort of energetic level.

I'm hoping that my mind won't automatically look for his car in the driveway or when I see the same car he drives out on the street, I no longer want to look to see if it's him.  I don't want to look to my bedroom window to see if he is out there (he used to come in through there unexpectedly).  I want to let go and to feel grounded in that.

There definitely feels like there is a shift.  I guess I want it to get moving faster as I've been sluggish for a while and not interested in things I should and was interested in before.  It's sort of taken over me more then I'd ever expect.  I want to feel back to normal, energized, motivated, in love with myself and life, interested.  I want to clap my hands, jump up and down and snap out of this but it doesn't seem it works that way.  

[tashawoodfall]

Today marks the second week of working out and eating healthy consistently.

I got the job for the health and fitness center/program doing their social media.  I officially start tomorrow.  I've learned a few things from the owners of this place.

1) You should be eating small portions every 3 hours.

2) It is much better and efficient to do cardio AND weight training.  If you do just cardio, you will slow down your progress.

3) No bread, no sugar.  The only bread you are allowed to eat is ezekiel. 

4) Oatmeal in the morning, chicken and vegetables the rest of the day.

 

Today for the first time in my life I had the feeling that working out everyday in the morning is something I can see myself doing forever.

 

 

[tashawoodfall]

 

 

I've been dealing with a deep depression.  I wish I could just cry it all out and be free from it.  I'm not happy with my everyday life and the fight in me has stopped.  I'm not sure what is going on.  

 

 

I'm chasing stimulation desperately ...it's something.  If I stop and allow all of these feelings to take over me I get scary thoughts -thoughts of no meaning - of I'm tired and see no reasons.  But I can't help but stop because I recognize I'm chasing stimulation..The life purpose I came up with..no longer does anything for me emotionally...it doesn't do enough.  This "I no longer give a fuck" attitude is...painful.  I can no longer be a zombie pretending...I need a deeper meaning..I need to change things and live differently.  I can't keep...being a zombie in society..now that I know "too much" it's making me miserable.

[Colin]

A quick relief booster back:
 

https://bebrainfit.com/tapping-anxiety-benefits/

https://bebrainfit.com/caffeine-depression/

https://bebrainfit.com/essential-oils-depression/

[Colin]

Second quick relief booster pack:

https://bebrainfit.com/music-brain/

https://bebrainfit.com/the-health-benefits-of-art-are-for-everyone/

https://bebrainfit.com/benefits-dark-chocolate/

[tashawoodfall]

I'm pretty sure I am going through a dark night of the soul

I have all the symptoms to a T.

Even been sleeping 12 hours a day.  

Thank you I'll check your booster pack out

[Colin]

no need to thank me, want to "repay" me? feel better.

 

[Colin]

I am still a work in progress as well. Here is a good example of me growing and learning in real time. 

This is an excerpt from a book I am reading

" There is an important detail to keep in mind though. Deeper thoughts happen in the unconscious part of your brain. Unlike your conscious mind which traffics in words, your unconscious mind developed long before you could use words, so visual images and sensations are its currency. This matters because there is no image that corresponds to the word "no". Your unconscious brain can't process a negative. In your conscious mind, you can simply negate a concept. As in "no suffering". But your unconscious mind would take that concept and think only of the word it understands, the very word you want to negate, "suffering". Instead of negating a concept you have to replace it with the opposite of that concept. As far as your unconscious mind goes, you can't think of "no suffering". You can think only of happiness. Instead of trying to think about not being at a job you dislike, think about being at another job altogether. Instead of thinking about ending a relationship, think about the new one you would like to start. That is the way to shift your thinking into happy thoughts. Remember happiness is always found in the positive side of every concept." - Solve for Happy

So using this information to update the comment I made above

2 hours ago, Colin said:

no need to thank me, want to "repay" me? feel better.

 

Your happiness is all I need as payment. (ooo that is mushy. that syrupy feeling I get is a sign that it works.)

[tashawoodfall]

 @Colin The good news is I finally feel better.  Had quite the panic attack lol I was most definitely thinking of things as bad.  It took me talking it out with a friend to see where those underserving beliefs were and I was able to shift.

 

 

[tashawoodfall]

 

[tashawoodfall]

Slept for 10 hours last night.  Woke up around 4 AM.  Made coffee (which sat and got cold) and went to lay down in bed again...I ended up putting on that Matt Kahn video, closing my eyes and just listening to his words and meanings...I had moments of crying.  Last night I had moments of laughter.  so it struck me as weird.  Once the video was over, I fell straight asleep and woke up about half an hour ago...6 hours later

I just slept 16 hours again.  All of this tiredness and sleeping makes me a little bit worried because this has been happening for weeks and weeks nearly every single day 10-16 hours of sleeping.  Maybe I should go to the doctor?  But then again I don't care all that much....Before this sort of depression hit me, I was sleeping 6-8 hours a day and was motivated to get lost in work which all came with a certain motivation for life to it.

It's not hard to eat healthy anymore because I don't care....the high of good tasting food isn't appealing to me at this time which in a sense is good. 

[tashawoodfall]

@Speedscarlet Why is a picture of a 26 year old woman wearing a fairly conservative dress ..triggering you? 

[Colin]

The only times in my life that I have slept that long are when I have over ingested cannabis. (great pic btw)

[Colin]

Hey, have you ever heard of earthing? It is surprisingly, actually real.
 

 

[tashawoodfall]

I heard about it from one of Wayne Dyer's talks it's interesting.  I think there is definitely some sort of connection with nature that is soothing and perhaps energizing.  I go to the mountains every Tuesday, climb the mountain and sit at the top for a while.  It's helped and feels like a need.  Walking outside barefoot every now and then could be a good idea

[Colin]

You can sleep every single night connected to the earth, without going outside. 

with something like this



I guarantee it will help. It even helps with emotional problems. Feel better Tasha!