Sonder

[Anna Konstantaki]

On ‎11‎.‎03‎.‎2017 at 5:09 PM, Anna Konstantaki said:

For the Heros...

heroes. with e...  ( now we know why they added a hide function to the forum-just in case one day you go back to your sloppy posts and try to read them without laughs or face palms... )

So... Contemplation. Let´s do that thing... What is relationship? (warning: I use words I haven´t contemplated on to contemplate about this= the chances that I don´t know what I am talking about are quite high... )

The interest and effort to know and/or understand/see the nature of something. Your ability to "become"/share consciousness on something or someone else. Relationship is an exchange of trust and power on different levels. Shared control of information or some kinds of pleasure or passions... A degree/way of knowing... A perspective on someone or something (good, bad, neutral...). The way one understands/perceives anything that arises in their consciousness semantically and emotionally. The degree of the ability to see/recognize parts of yourself in others. The ability to switch perspective? The emotional attachment to someone or something. Emotional and semantic networking of one thing and another. Communication and exchange between parts of non duality? Hmm... The knowing, the attention, the consciousness of someone or something... If consciousness was 1 then relationship would be something like 0,99... Wait. Are these synonyms or are they the same thing only that relationship is based on duality? But... Hm...

It´s not a verb, not an act so "relationship" can´t be seen... Can´t really be "done". But there are different kinds since you can put all sorts of words before it (strong, challenging, destructive, healthy, rewarding, fulfilling, addictive, objective...). So, relationship is something that needs further context/more words to be defined when it is used. I can´t say I have a relationship with my chair. Well, okay I can but with objects it´s usually obvious because it is a relationship based on usage or function. Unless it is emotional... But even then... I don´t say that I have a loving relationship with my chair. I say: I love my chair. But with people? A relationship to my mother. That´s like saying the same thing twice because we already know that her function/ role is "mother". A friendly relationship is or is close to a friendship, so the function is: friend/like a friend/friendly treatment or approach. So, we use "relationship only when we want to express the quality of it at the same time, otherwise we just speak self evidently. Unless we say: I am in a relationship with someone. hahaha... What´s that? Replace it with consciousness... I am in a consciousness with someone. Hmmmm... Well, people don´t say that. But... It´s not that wrong... When I think of it. But people say: I am in love with someone...

Okay, let´s do the more obvious part... What is to relate to something? What is a relation? Relating? What is relatable? When do we relate? Why do we relate? The moment you register a relationship you become aware of a relation. Aware of some connection or connectivity. Relativity... Okay... You want me to end up saying that relationship is a way of experiencing oneness? We can relate to anything in any way. Language does that. Symbols do that. Can we experience oneness in any way? Well, dumm question because it´s always there, my fault if I ignore it... Experience it in any way? Yea... I guess you mean that thing called life. A! Now, I know. If we relate to everything, that´s oneness, but relationship is usually to one thing at a time. It is sort of like a unit of measurement... A unit of oneness. The more you can relate, the more... Consciousness you have? About... Oneness? Okay, I know I´m close but I am tired and this takes too much time. I better ask the internet.

 

 

[Anna Konstantaki]

Only like... 50 things to contemplate on left? Remember when I said that I want to live really long? ... Sometimes I watch a video of Leo and think: Dude, you look like you´ll die of exhaustion. And sometimes the way he tries to motivate everyone scares me but that´s just me being sensitive I guess...

Dimensions

My first reaction to "Imagining the 10th dimension" was: Are we supposed to take this as an analogy, a metaphor for "god", or are we supposed to see more in this? I mean... If it´s true then we are trapped in our dimension(s). And from "where" we´re at we can´t fully see the ones above. They would appear as awkward to us as we would to the "flatlanders" (could that explain the weird hallucinations some people get?). Then again... Isn´t it interesting that they made us imagine the tenth dimension as "all-containing", just like... You know... The realization of absolute infinity is like?

Puzzle, puzzle... But hey... Wouldn´t be the first time that something that spirituality has been saying for really long starts appearing in theory of scientists... Just like the parallels of dark matter and "that which is not" (Shiva in Hinduism) for example... I am afraid that when we think as far as we can think we come to similar results no matter who we are.

You´ll say... : Anna, you are not qualified to talk about any of this. And I´ll say: A (once) twelve year old girl painted a canvas called "the quantum world"... Let Akiane paint and me... Think. You never know what you´ll find/make...

 

 

 

Edited March 19, 2017 by Anna Konstantaki
I forgot the pic

[Anna Konstantaki]

I was meditating today until I burst out in tears (sometimes I burst out in a laugh attack-you never know with crazy people like me... Who seriously think they will become a sage one day. heheh... oh man...).  And then continued meditation because I am a disciplined person... And then swapped all plans of the day because I am not a disciplined person... To journal about depression- no taboos .

What is depression?

The period of time you spend until facing the options of 1. overcoming your fear of feeling and accepting what is to feel/accept, understanding and growing from whichever events/beliefs/thoughts triggered it OR 2. Spiralling down some sort of addiction to carry on OR 3. Committing suicide/dying. It´s that period of time you spend until you finally find some empathy for yourself and others or... Don´t. The destination of depression is either birth of new reasons to try and live or staying with your old reasons and eventually taking those to the grave... Depression is a consequence of bad balance, bad self care and the belief that you have no power over your emotions. It is a victim mentality and a perspective far, far away from Truth...

I fear depression. Why? I´ve been there. I hate it. I was making a list about what I hate about depression and then wondered if there is anything I love about depression. Weird thought with interesting results...

What I hate about depression

• your thoughts being a Mary-go round without much variety, reinforcing and dancing around the same shitty memories, beliefs, emotions and possible futures.
• your entire energy being wasted on neurotic monkey mind until exhaustion and collapse
• the "freeze up" out of hopelessness, fear and victim mentality  making you to either attend the movie played in your head or having to escape that through sleep (Or like... Staring at the sealing to the point of thoughtlessness...? :S)
• your attention span decreasing day by day until you can´t focus for 2 minutes straight anymore...
• the lack of drive to do anything
• feeling too tired to do anything. Even watching some video, listening to music, eating food, taking a shower, brushing your teeth... Okay, even in my worst of days I still visited the bathroom though... hehe...
• Being dizzy because of starvation and oversleeping on the way to the bathroom...
• Googling what the best way to commit suicide is but not having the motivation to get up and buy the utensils for that and also feeling too tired to write a goodbye letter to the very few people you don´t want to get upset about your death (´cause you know... It´s a bad and cowardice thing... Maybe not towards death... But towards life  )
• Remembering being like 16-17 years old and complaining in your dairy (nowhere else-I mean I was probably the only one who hided the fact that I wanted to die ) that society doesn´t allow you to die.
• The loss of a sense of time (sometimes even space).
• Knowing that it would take people (even people I consider close to me) a lot of time to notice that I am dead so that the poor housekeeper would have problems getting your room back into a human friendly place but also re-renting it to someone in the knowing that a decomposing body was its last inhabitant.
• when you decide you want to feel better and even though your normally insatiable curiosity has ended up like your in general eradicated personality, you use your last strength to click on some documentary (short videos aren´t suited ´cause auto-play is annoying and always clicking on new stuff too tiring when you are dead depressed) and force yourself to watch that...
• then watching documentaries for 5 hours. At some point noticing you fell asleep and it´s like 3 o´clock in the morning or something like that.
• then feeling guilt about having watched documentaries for for 5 hours...
• knowing that the world will not just not love you this way or for having been this way, no, not even like you but probably even get mad at your disfunctionality (okay, I admit most part of it will stay in apathy).
• Asking yourself: Do you even WANT to live?! Do you even WANT to be happy?! And getting no answer...
• the loss of stamina and physical strength... (hooow UN-attractive and baaad... Sooo bad for health...ts-ts-ts...).
• Remembering that stupid promise of the last big melt down that you would never get in some state like this again.
• The binge or overeating after re-establishing eating despite the absence of real appetite since some part of you has lost the trust that you will feed yourself in regular timespans...
• Knowing that you have the following options to explain yourself for your absence and unproductivity during this period of time in case you come up with a way to survive it: 1. Pretend as if you were okay all the time and you just slacked off carelessly and lazyly because you are irresponsible so that he/she will have their stupid explanation, can negatively  judge on you and leave you alone. 2. Tell them you were suffering from some sort of illness and lie up some crap. 3. Tell them you were not feeling well in the hope they will get the point... 4. Tell them you were depressed in the hope they would believe you without further questions, pity or that disbelieving face that looks like it´s saying: Wining, lazy piece of shit with a Greek surname. 5. Tell them your life story in an understandable way (minimal duration 5 hours), dispite having no hope they would actually understand much. 6. Avoid anything that might require you have to explain yourself (yea that´s so me... Creates social anxiety since it makes you choreograph each move and word of a conversation because god forbid they find out you are not a lovable piece of sunshine producing rainbows, riding on a unicorn and leaving smiles wherever it goes (excuse my hyperbolic talk but I have to make fun of myself sometimes...).

I could continue but I think... I think I really don´t want to go to that place again. Like EVER. So, I have to get this function out of the system. Like forever. And EVER. And EVER...

 

[Anna Konstantaki]

What I love about depression

• It makes you a daredevil. It makes people like Martin Ball take 5MeoDMT for example... And other crazy shit like that. And in case you know about spirituality, you are like: Okay world. So, you want me to give up and disappear huh? Okay, I´ll do you the favour... "I" will disappear. But not the way YOU think... Bitch. (No offense... It´s basically self talk and self hate in that case but when you´re depressed you tend to forget that...).
• Overcoming/having overcome that shit.
• The phoenix effect. After some time you might as well start recovering from deep suicidal depression by switching between addiction and chunks of accepting and feeling the pain you learned so effectively to resist. That resulting in you building yourself up from scratch again.
• I guess my ego likes getting all possible attention by me?
• That deep gratitude when you look back at depression and certain things have changed because of your own hands/thoughts/action...
• That pride every time you hear about people who instead of documentary of self actualization or at least comedy binge watch, chose Netflix, alcohol consumption or getting stoned or both, somehow managed to go broke, argue with everyone, hate the world, fuck (with) their entire neighbourhood and I don´t know... Get an STD or a baby. Okay, I apologize... That´s not funny... 
• The last phase of overcoming depression, where not being able to sort it all out at once blurs in with excuses for procrastinating stuff... Because let´s be honest... Self discipline is something you rebuild only gradually...
• The knowledge attained during the NASA hangout YouTube binge watch having turned out being useful for flirting with the astrophysics exchange student...

I guess... Depression is really nothing but a resistance to feelings and change and Truth and regaining trust... It is rather stupid and just a state of ignorance. I think that in some cases it might be unavoidable but I think that if you don´t try to overcome it you´ll either die by your own hand or by cancer-your own subconscious hand in a way (without claiming that all cancer patients suffer from depression... Compressed depression...? You get what I´m saying...  ). It´s a process. Doesn´t have to last forever. Doesn´t have to last at all. That´s the crazy thing about it. What a waste of time and energy...

What? Yea, I know... I love you too. You´re welcome.

[Anna Konstantaki]

So many small things after all

That one hour of 24 to meditate- That 2 minutes from 1440 to concentrate. That one day to strategize. That few seconds to write a note... That little by little, day by day turning out to be worth so much more than their size would had you ever expect...

Jaggi Vasudev aka Sadhguru

Yesterday I couldn´t sleep. I was thinking of Jaggi. How can a man radiate all this... Sweetness is the first word I´d choose for what he makes me feel, how does he do it? When I think of him I just feel nice. I don´t even have to hear or see this man and I already feel that last impact of his overwhelming peaceful, accepting, patient way of treating any question, any thought, any way humans can be, with his effortless, sometimes entertaining but still serious and slightly hypnotic and wise guidance. All bad news stop being bad news- they are just news... All things just are, like him, who you feel so close to (which is weird because you don´t know this in the void trapping guy), who is so human that he appears somewhat superhuman. I´d go so far to say that I love this man. I can´t but love this man back because he floods me with this really crystal clear, pure kind of love-call it sweetness. Just sweetness in everything for everything. It comes forward like that change in the pitch of my voice when I see a kitten. It is tempting to want to write poetic rhymes and paint portraits or to do any gesture to point at his greatness, to somehow support it. But it´s not him who needs the love I want to give him thankfully back, it´s all those people who have never heard or seen or felt what I have been privileged to have found through my journey of growth, it´s those people who need it the most.

[Anna Konstantaki]

fulfilled/happy people

When I encounter those genuinely positive and from the inside out happy people, I automatically feel respect towards them because I know that they worked on themselves i order to become and stay fulfilled and I know that they are living in the same, sometimes very frustrating world with obstacles and problems, just like me. I know that they are not luckier or special but they searched and found and did whatever they could to get where they´re at. We tend to compare peoples suffering but EVERYONE is challenged, NOONE lives in perfect conditions. It´s just about creating that balance between being sensitive in this world and at the same time being able and willing to take whoever or whatever brings the next emotional challenge on the table. It´s true. I think the world relies on people who give more love than they get back. The higher consciousness side of humanity. The world has terrible but also wonderful things and people in it. I want to believe in the power of that side I want to be part of, the wonderful one of course.

Edited March 23, 2017 by Anna Konstantaki

[askdfjnak]

I don’t know what the full nature of “your depression” is but I thought I’d share mine.

I realized that [for me] the root of all my depression was fear. I think depression can be quite a healthy sign on the path because [for me] it means that the ego is seeing through it’s own fiction and beginning to dread the inevitable.

When it got bad I felt like I was trapped between two huge fears, the fear of dying and the fear of living (being). It kind of resulted in an egoic stalemate where I didn’t want to live and I didn’t want to die. It was so horrible. Then anger pushed me to the opposite extreme where I became a “daredevil” type. That only lasted until I tried everything "daring" and realized that no amount of adrenaline or thrill seeking will ever fill the void.

I think that people like Sadhguru point you straight through to the root of psychological issues and remove confusion. When they do, fear vanishes because fear and confusion go hand in hand. When the fear vanishes the depression vanishes like smoke in a breeze. When someone just blows away the smoke, you feel relief and you gasp at the freshness of what you have been missing.

Benjamin Smythe gives a great reframe in the video below with “the deal” that he made with himself. I made the same deal with myself and I like to remind myself of it whenever things aren’t going so great.

 

 

Check out number 652 - Facing the Illusion of Fear-1 ~ FREE Download!

It's just clean and simple wisdom.
It will take some effort to download but once you have it playing you won’t have to click on anything for an hour or so.

Edited March 24, 2017 by Marc Schinkel

[Anna Konstantaki]

@Marc Schinkel Thanks for sharing. You are right, fear is always involved in depression. If I say I fear depression it´s like saying I fear a state of fear. Different people fear different things but when it comes to the point of suicide you can definitely average it out by saying fear of staying alive (vs the one of dying). I agree.

On making a deal... Yes, the last time I experienced this I told myself that I have to keep trying until I get 25 and if things aren´t better until then I can still commit suicide (now of course I am far from thinking that I should ever stop trying). So, I think I get what you´re saying. It´s the "stay alive to see what else is going to happen" because we´ll die sometime anyways mentality.  You know... Very suitable for fuckups who are like: What ELSE could happen? It can only get better if I keep trying, can´t it? hehe

How interesting. Both Smythe and Adyashanti (I didn´t know these before so thank you for introducing them) say stuff like "you wouldn´t want this if you knew what it was", sort of like saying that you don´t want to be enlightened? I don´t know if I got this correctly but I think that it´s a thing to have faced the fear of death, overcome it  at least for a while but having chosen to stay alive that gets us closer to surrendering to mystical experience because we are at the point where it is okay for us to let the ego die. In fact, before I had the best selfless, effortless, divine feeling of my life in my semester studying abroad I had a deep episode of depression. Even though in my case it´s a mixture of fear and me just somewhat shutting down completely. So there might be also something with reaching limits of sensory input/overstimulation thing playing in as well...

It´s a little hard to talk about all this because there are all these terms by western psychology to categorize people into syndromes and disorders and neuro types and what so not to find some explanation of why we behave the way we do. I do believe though that everyone can benefit from some kind of meditation (and there are quite a lot)  or other spiritual/more philosophical practises and as I expand my knowledge, psychedelics. So whatever triggers us into the fear can be faced by working on emotional mastery.

 

Edited March 26, 2017 by Anna Konstantaki

[askdfjnak]

4 hours ago, Anna Konstantaki said:

How interesting. Both Smythe and Adyashanti (I didn´t know these before) say stuff like "you wouldn´t want this if you knew what it was", sort of like saying that you don´t want to be enlightened? I don´t know if I got this correctly but I think that it´s a thing to have faced the fear of death, overcome it  at least for a while but having chosen to stay alive that gets us closer to surrendering to mystical experience because we are at the point where it is okay for us to let the ego die.

Yes, I was talking about depression/suicide in the context of enlightenment and existential inquiry. The ego can successfully threaten suicide when it recognizes it's own need to die, THAT'S how crafty it is.
It's like, I have to die before I die, I can't let that happen so I'll just kill myself. LOL!

... the emotional mastery is a kind of pseudo-mastery that you can only get by letting go, by jumping in to the ocean - so to speak, instead of listening to people on board for tips and techniques to try to gain control over yourself.

... but you have to take that with a little nuance, as I said, I don't know you and where you're at.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Marc Schinkel

[Anna Konstantaki]

@Marc Schinkel oh ego... You crafty little bastard...  

(Picture by Lora Zombie). Note that she wrote " i fuck you very much".

[Anna Konstantaki]

7 minutes ago, Marc Schinkel said:

... the emotional mastery is a kind of pseudo-mastery that you can only get by letting go, by jumping in to the ocean - so to speak, instead of listening to people on board for tips and techniques to try to gain control over yourself.

Hey, that´s what Leo said on the new video about the big picture of self actualization today, isn´t it?  You let go and paradoxically you find that "control" by realizing there is no (one in) control.

[Anna Konstantaki]

The explanation problem

I keep forgetting how easy it is to draw the lines between things when you were freshly investigating them in comparison to when you come back to them after some time...

I know I look like paranoid to people when I make a link between some theory, some other piece of information and some painting... This always reminds me of school. I remember during a history lesson the teacher once asked what the primary source of wealth of ancient Egypt was. Correct answer was the Nile. The boy she asked answered religion though. In our eyes he had made himself laughable because the entire last lesson was basically about the Nile and our heads were stuck right there at what the teacher and we wanted and expected to hear. But wasn´t the economic system built on people who were working their asses off because they believed that their Pharao was god himself? Wouldn´t they had stood up for their rights and refused to pay such harsh taxes, wouldn´t this entire production and gathering of wealth had been much harder without religion? So in a sense he was right but nobody made much of an effort to understand his view...

How do you tell people that there are these states of mind where you gain access to information you normally can´t know. How do you tell them that when you come back sometimes and if you don´t sit down to remember, decode, understand and then somehow try to encode in language what you experienced, they will never even remotely understand you, unless they start exploring that strange language of hereafter themselves...

I have always been a very creative person but what I experience now is almost too much for me. I am tired of talking "stripes" to people who only understand "stripes". ´Cause I speak "dots" too... "Dots" are nice and they aren´t just for me... Everyone can speak them...

[Anna Konstantaki]

Journaling

In the beginning it is writing itself that is the challenge. After a while it is being honest with yourself that makes the bigger quest... When honesty comes then the fun part starts because you realize your tendency for repetition. So every time you find something new to write about you know you have changed a bit, learned a little more... From then on it becomes an endless hunt for always new information, new questions and new insights... 

[Anna Konstantaki]

Leo released... A smoothie recipe. What? Well, you have to teach them how sages eat/drink after all...  I was at a party just yesterday actually and I did not touch the food there, neither did I drink something. It can be a little challenging on social events to keep up with the purification work... Unless you only meet up with people who are into self actualization but eh... Those are usually working at something and don´t visit/throw Partys?

Speaking of the party... There was this guy with a very special addiction. He is addicted to lucid dreaming. He always gets those when he does sleep deprivation so now he is in this spiral of staying up until being dead tired, then sleeping and not wanting to wake up. Weird case. Just an ordinary guy actually with huge bags under the eyes (okay not THAT ordinary... He has studied Physics but  broke off to do philosophy then did philosophy for a while but now does something, I can´t clearly recall but it is basically all sorts of sciences mixed up with informatics.) Yea... But these people are the people who make me feel like it´s either me who doesn´t get the complexity of what they say, or they are confused and don´t know what they are saying, or they have mixed stuff up a bit by alcoholic intoxication... I thought it was my post-dancing queen cuxy (cute+sexy) image that gathers the guys around but... That is far gone now... People still like me though. Like one guy literally came to me and said that if I had not been in this unclear relation to some other guy in the past... He would had approached me more (and that even was one of the guys with the balls to talk to me back then). He even said that his friend was into me even more than himself (oh dear... Well, they all have girlfriends now). I don´t know... I feel like I resonate most with someone who is just as intellectual as that he has lived through a couple of insane and fucked up things. Where to find?  Can you blend me up a professor and a street bummer or something like that? Hmf... Also... I have realized that I feel a lot better in the company of a bunch of guys rather than being in the company of girls. I don´t know... But Smalltalk still bores me to death after all... I would say I am good with people, I can be social (okay, I don´t always chose the best words... ) but I find people... I find them tiring. Human beings can be so tiring.

 

 

[Dragallur]

1 hour ago, Anna Konstantaki said:

Leo released... A smoothie recipe. What?

I was laughing my ass of during the video, and Leo's style was total killer!

[Anna Konstantaki]

@Dragallur Yea, I´d wear that. But we love Leo unconditionally, no matter his style, right?  It is so weird to hear your teacher talk about blueberries, mixers, spinach, almond milk and such though... hehe

[Anna Konstantaki]

So, Leo and Martin are friends by now... Aaaaaaawwww ... I did scrawl through the conference Programm some weeks ago actually (somehow ended up there through the Shulgin stuff)... Super interesting...

What else? A yes, the text about hallucinations. Looks like we agree on that one...  Then the Karma text... It´s a thing... It´s a thing that Karma thing... Been challenged this week by my family after all... I guess I just needed some polishing.

Family is just the starting point

I found myself trying to help my family. I don´t treat them like everyone else (haha- who´d thought that?), because I simply feel different for them because I simply know more about them than about others... Sure I can try to find ways to minder their suffering but why does it cost me so much effort? Why is this so intense? Their suffering is one of millions. My brother... But what about my other brothers? My mother by blood... But what about all other mothers? I can´t be there for everyone and people have to learn to sort it out by themselves... People suffer and people die. If it is from an outside war, an inside war, both... It´s not just at one place, it´s all over the globe. So when I try to solve this equation I have to keep in mind that it is a tiny part of something big. If I got upset about everything like about this I´d have no peace in life. I don´t want to be cold, I don´t want to stay in apathy but I definitely don´t want to suffer for, or with them. I want to give them what I can give and move on. I want to keep going my path and that is only possible when I´m not stuck by holding on too tight onto my starting point.

[Scholar]

On 9.4.2017 at 0:56 PM, Anna Konstantaki said:

So, Leo and Martin are friends by now... Aaaaaaawwww ... I did scrawl through the conference Programm some weeks ago actually (somehow ended up there through the Shulgin stuff)... Super interesting...

What else? A yes, the text about hallucinations. Looks like we agree on that one...  Then the Karma text... It´s a thing... It´s a thing that Karma thing... Been challenged this week by my family after all... I guess I just needed some polishing.

Family is just the starting point

I found myself trying to help my family. I don´t treat them like everyone else (haha- who´d thought that?), because I simply feel different for them because I simply know more about them than about others... Sure I can try to find ways to minder their suffering but why does it cost me so much effort? Why is this so intense? Their suffering is one of millions. My brother... But what about my other brothers? My mother by blood... But what about all other mothers? I can´t be there for everyone and people have to learn to sort it out by themselves... People suffer and people die. If it is from an outside war, an inside war, both... It´s not just at one place, it´s all over the globe. So when I try to solve this equation I have to keep in mind that it is a tiny part of something big. If I got upset about everything like about this I´d have no peace in life. I don´t want to be cold, I don´t want to stay in apathy but I definitely don´t want to suffer for, or with them. I want to give them what I can give and move on. I want to keep going my path and that is only possible when I´m not stuck by holding on too tight onto my starting point.

I think that's a difficult way to go about this. "Keeping something in mind" that does not correspond to your consciousness can do more harm than good. The fact of the matter is that you love your family more than other people, you don't have to pretend that other people are equally as much worth as your family. It would be an idealogy, because you yourself know very well that you don't feel that way at all. You are not conscious of them being a tiny part of something big, you just believe in it, for whatever reason. You are basicly telling yourself something that you yourself are not truly aware of. That might hold you back from the path of finding out for yourself.

Worth and value is still part of your mind, even if you believe that the are relative. The curiousity that will help you on your path will not come from adapting one idealogy over the other, it will come from the recognition of the mystery. 

It's important to recognize that you are acting out of belief, and lack of consciousness. Your feelings about your family are created by a lack of understanding or "seeing" reality, but equally are the feelings of thinking that you have to love everyone. And that is fine, but do not resist what you currently are. Accept the fact that you are selfish, that right now it cannot be otherwise, and from there seek the truth, not what you believe the truth to be. Being authentic about how you feel and what you are is, I think, very important on the path you are taking.

 

Edited April 11, 2017 by Scholar

[Anna Konstantaki]

On ‎11‎.‎04‎.‎2017 at 6:26 PM, Scholar said:

correspond to your consciousness

aaand em... What DOES correspond to my consciousness in your opinion?

What I was trying to do is find the best way to hold (because we have to hold everything in a certain way as some mystics like to say...) my relation to my family by fitting it into a bigger picture and moving away from focusing on these few people. I don´t know what the best view on this is, I am just trying to see it in new ways...

On ‎11‎.‎04‎.‎2017 at 6:26 PM, Scholar said:

can do more harm than good.

What would the harm of me finding a better way of dealing with this be?

 

On ‎11‎.‎04‎.‎2017 at 6:26 PM, Scholar said:

The fact of the matter is that you love your family more than other people, you don't have to pretend that other people are equally as much worth as your family.

More emotionally attached maybe. That I get more emotionally triggered by them...  But that I LOVE them more? Maybe because I USED to love some of them more... Maybe my mum when I was a child... Okay my brother. I think I can say that  I love that guy more than other people. But that does not mean that if you pointed a gun at my head and made me decide who has to die  (him or some other person), I´d chose to spare his life and not that of someone else. Also be careful here... You don´t know me and you don´t know my family. I have worked hard to replace hate or apathy with love. If I could do it with them, I should be able to do it with everyone.

 

On ‎11‎.‎04‎.‎2017 at 6:26 PM, Scholar said:

Worth and value is still part of your mind, even if you believe that the are relative.

If it´s about finding peace and zooming out and away from myself, seeing them as relative helps. If it´s about taking decisions and taking action in the small scale of the everyday reality of being Anna I´m fine with finding some orientation by what has worth and value to her (in this case my family is included). I don´t believe one or the other. I am trying to balance them. Neither should I ignore the people who raised me because the world is burning, nor should I ignore the world burning because my family has problems.

 

On ‎11‎.‎04‎.‎2017 at 6:26 PM, Scholar said:

you yourself are not truly aware of.

Are you me? How do you know?

 

On ‎11‎.‎04‎.‎2017 at 6:26 PM, Scholar said:

thinking that you have to love everyone.

I don´t think I HAVE to love everyone. I WANT to love everyone... Because every time I accomplish that... It´s AWESOME !

On ‎11‎.‎04‎.‎2017 at 6:26 PM, Scholar said:

Accept the fact that you are selfish

Am I ever going to stop? Can you name me someone who is fully over it yet? Or actually... Let´s contemplate on what "selfish" even means, right?

 

On ‎11‎.‎04‎.‎2017 at 6:26 PM, Scholar said:

Being authentic about what you are and how you feel is, I think, very important on the path you are taking.

I am trying to be authentic about these. That´s exactly why this place gives so much space to you to misunderstand me. Yea... That "path I am taking"... My life and spirituality... Sounds like you know more about it than I myself (Psychic? NSA? Both? No? )...  Tell me more about it...

 I don´t think you will ever beat the critic I carry in my mind... You can keep her company though... Then at least, I´ll have someone I can troll.

Edited April 13, 2017 by Anna Konstantaki

[Scholar]

I was just trying to give you some advice that might help you. I don't know you, and I won't pretend that I do. Just trying to spare you from potentially making mistakes that I made myself. But you are right, I projected and assumed, but that's what I do. What I write usually is first and foremost a reminder for myself, I just post it when I think it might help.

Good luck anyways!