Sexual Aggression

[xsilo]

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months who seems to be very sexually aggressive. I've been asking everywhere for advice or ways to handle the situation I'm in with this person. It seems he has a genuine interest in me, but values the sexual side of me a little more. He is very aggressive when it comes to sex and gets frustrated when I don't want it. He gets very aggressive when touching me and I've become very paranoid of the idea of even laying next to him. I don't know how to bring this up to him or if it's better to cut him off without an explanation. I've been told that is my best bet and that I really don't owe an explanation for that sort of thing. I also get red flags that he is possessive and gets very jealous of my friends, I don't know if these two things are related. Have any of you experienced this with a man/woman you were seeing, and is there a way to handle this without cutting the person out of my life? 

[Sarah Marie]

@xsilo These are huge red flags. I'd suggest getting out, you owe no one an explanation. 

[DJ]

3 hours ago, xsilo said:

is there a way to handle this without cutting the person out of my life? 

No! You need to get out of that relationship ASAP!

 

3 hours ago, xsilo said:

I've become very paranoid of the idea of even laying next to him.

Why would you want to be with someone like that? A real man makes his woman feel comfortable so she can totally open up to him.

 

This is the stuff that Lifetime movies are made after. His behavior is likely to get worse with time. 

[Ayla]

10 hours ago, xsilo said:

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months who seems to be very sexually aggressive. I've been asking everywhere for advice or ways to handle the situation I'm in with this person. It seems he has a genuine interest in me, but values the sexual side of me a little more. He is very aggressive when it comes to sex and gets frustrated when I don't want it. He gets very aggressive when touching me and I've become very paranoid of the idea of even laying next to him. I don't know how to bring this up to him or if it's better to cut him off without an explanation. I've been told that is my best bet and that I really don't owe an explanation for that sort of thing. I also get red flags that he is possessive and gets very jealous of my friends, I don't know if these two things are related. Have any of you experienced this with a man/woman you were seeing, and is there a way to handle this without cutting the person out of my life? 

There's a need here to look for what is it in you that is attracted by such a person? 

Relationships are nothing but an outer mirror of our inner childhood trauma. This is why, cutting him out of your life, would not necessarily solve your problem, as you will be experiencing it in the next relationship or another area of your life. 

Somehow, you associated "love" with aggression. You need to look into that. What is it that makes you feel that you deserve this type of a man near you?

Self-esteem issues, sexual trauma, co-dependency - are things you need to look into at this point. Search this forum for advice, it has already been talked about. 

[FindingPeace]

3 hours ago, Ayla said:

There's a need here to look for what is it in you that is attracted by such a person? 

I have to agree with this. Because of this:

13 hours ago, xsilo said:

is there a way to handle this without cutting the person out of my life? 

Why do you feel for a second that you want to remain with someone who has agressive tendencies? Why do you need this relationship so much that you feel the need to 'handle' dysfunctional behaviour?

In any case, he is the way he is. He can only change if he identifies a problem and wants to work on it. Don't get caught up in this age-old trap of focussing on the other person thinking that 'if only they changed a little then it will all work out'. People spend too much time pointing fingers at the other person instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their own situation. Always keep the focus on yourself, what you want and what you can do to improve your life. You can't change others or blame them but many people waste years of their lives trying to do exactly that.

13 hours ago, xsilo said:

it's better to cut him off without an explanation. I've been told that is my best bet and that I really don't owe an explanation for that sort of thing.

Quite right. This would be the prudent thing to do.

[Dhana Choko]

You have to get out darling. This is not the relationship you truly desire and it is not gonna turn into one. If you don't want to leave, you need to do some serious questioning.

 

All my love to you.

[clytaemnestra]

Leave him! My partner likes to be aggressive during the sex, dominant and rough, but he told me that he would never agree to have that kind of sex with a girl who doesn't like it, because it is a turn off for him if a girl doesn't enjoy it. I also enjoy it so it's a good match, but he also had a girlfriend who liked it more gentle, and he never made her doing that kind of stuff.