Standards Are Too High To Ever Find The Right Girl?

[7thLetter]

This is most likely a limiting belief of mine, but it just seems a bit too real at the moment for me. I'm 20 years old, never had a girlfriend before, not because I'm ugly or anything, I'm actually happy with the way I look. It was just that I was never confident in myself, I was an extreme introvert, and I was never really involved with a lot of girls throughout highschool. But back then my standards for a potential girlfriend were really really low. It was so easy for me to have a crush on a girl, my mind would create some crazy beliefs that this girl or that girl was the perfect girl for me, when I didn't even know them that well.

Then after high school, I started getting into a lot of partying, involved with a couple girls and this was awesome for me. I went out with one girl from a party, but I wasn't able to attract her. I was always a really needy guy with girls that I had crushes on. Then just to make the story short, I loved the idea of abundance, got involved with picking up girls. Now I'm able to approach almost any girl in public, 8 months in. Done probably 300+ approaches, but not many dates, and now I feel way more attractive, and less needy with girls.

Now the reason I set my standards so high is because I can approach almost any girl, and I consistently work on myself every single day. I'm trying to be the best I can, and create a lot of value for myself. The girl that I'm looking for would be at least an 8/10, and someone who shares the same values as me. But it's rare to find a hot girl who is entrepreneur-minded or who is into self-actualization. I would date a hot girl who doesn't self-actualize, but I feel like that would end up in a dysfunctional relationship unless I help her self-actualize as well.

So now I feel that my standards are too high at the moment to ever find the right girl no matter how much I go out. I know I should be independent and not look for a relationship, but I think it's about time..

Thoughts?

Edited February 26, 2016 by 7thLetter

[Guest]

First, you are right--you should be independent and not look for a relationship.

 

As for your standards, it is true, the more specific your standards, the lower number of potential mates will meet them. That can be a good thing,because it saves you the trouble of dating girls you wouldn't really like. Now you can be happily single and available instead of wasting time with someone you aren't into. Of course the down side of that is missed relationship experience( which may also help you better understand what you like). Your choice is merely a matter of choosing: are you willing to adjust your criteria to meet someone sooner, or would you rather hold out and find someone who meets your particular likes?

 

[FindingPeace]

Just because you have a specification for what you think would be your ideal girl doesn't mean that if you meet her you would have a successful and functional, lasting relationship. It's true that filtering out what you know you don't want will save you time and stress but it's also important to realise that metting someone that fits the bill isn't guaranteed to be any more sucessful.

54 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

The girl that I'm looking for would be at least an 8/10, and someone who shares the same values as me.

Values are really important. They need to integrate with yours. But it's extremely hard to discover someones list of values, beliefs and world-view from a few dates. It can take months or years. As for looks, they can change and they also aren't as important as you think. It's interesting when you discover that physical attractiveness is connected to how attracted you are to their personality and values. People you may consider less attractive can become very physically appealing when you fall for their personality - for who they are.

To be honest, most people's 'specification' or standard that they set is very basic and superficial. Most of the important stuff takes time to discover. Bear in mind that people are often not authentic when dating. They're trying to market themselves, so they'll give the 'edited' version of themselves that they think will attract you.

What I'm getting at is that having standards and idealistic specifiactaions don't really make a lot of difference to the quality of the potential relationship. People are complicated and deep beings. You can't sum them up in a body size, hair colour and general interests. There is far more to them than that and it's the stuff behind the scenes that will matter the most. This you only get to see over time and experience with them. And the quality of the relationship will ba as much about your psychology as it is theirs.

57 minutes ago, Saitama said:

Now you can be happily single and available instead of wasting time with someone you aren't into. Of course the down side of that is missed relationship experience( which may also help you better understand what you like).

Only thing I will say it that getting caught up in relationships that are not healthy for you can waste a lot of time (years even). Experience is useful but so is time. It's a difficult call to make. Importantly, don't become dependant on needing relationships. Become independant and that way you can be more constructive and detached from getting caught up in unhealthy relationships should they occur.

Ultimately, there's plenty of time for women. A relationship won't fundamentally fulfill you on it's own. Sometimes our expectations of them are far grander than the experience itself. Keep working on the rest of your life. Because that's the bit that remains constant despite what happens on the relationship front.

[Pallero]

I might add "love is blind", which means both that you can't control who you fall in love with and you will not fall in love with looks, interests or even values.

So you see, your standards don't really matter in the end. You might want to think about what is really important to you so that you won't let someone really good get away just because they aren't up to your standards. But I believe that love is strong and will find a way. You just have to welcome it even though it might look different to what you expected.

[7thLetter]

Great posts. Thanks for the replies