Social Me is Unconscious Me.

[AdamDiC]

This past week I have been struggling with socializing. It's just my thoughts, ideas fly around and affect me.

I've been doing mindfulness meditation for 8 months now and now i can carry it into my daily life a bit more now. Into my school life.

Before meditation school was just one unconscious fuck fest. People, homework, sports, girls all contributed to my uncoscious robot routine. 

For 3 years i created my highschool ego. Smart, strong, athlete, musician, funny, ok with the ladies. but my last year ive gained some awareness and beginnign t inquire. So basically the more mindfull i am the less I am highschool me.

What's been bothering me, or highschool me, is that I'm changing. The more conscious i am the less highschool adam lives. 

And i get depressed you know. I think Im a loser. Im turning introvert with focusing on actualizing so my social life has decreased and my stimualtion.

and i know this to be true because sometimes i can just let me guard down (not be mindful) and my ego has fun, it goes crazy, talks to everyone, does pranks, gets in peoples faces, its cool, but i feel at the end of the day im just fucking exhausted

What do you think? Ego backlash? Am i repressing my needs? Can i mindfully incorporate that part of me? Or does this sound stupid and Im wasting my time?

Thanks. 

[Epiphany_Inspired]

I don't know the answers to any of your questions...but from my personal experience, fakey-bullshit-socializing is kinda pointless (unless you are dancing...lol)....it may annoy the fuck out of everybody... but why not socialize as your higher-self?...you could speak of the things (and in the way) that are most authentic and beyond trivial....maybe people wont understand, maybe they'll think your pretentious, etc....but occasionally there is someone that gets it and wants to socialize in a more conscious way....and maybe it's totally worth annoying everyone else just for that...but I'm quite a hermit most of the time....so I don't really know....

[Viking]

conor mcgregor is that you? lol jk.

be mindful of this monkey mind

On 11/24/2017 at 0:12 AM, AdamDiC said:

What's been bothering me, or highschool me, is that I'm changing. The more conscious i am the less highschool adam lives. 

 

and continue practicing.

this too shall pass