An Independence Advice

[Marks199]

Hello, people hope someone is awake. I´m trying so hard and I am working on it so much to become independent and to move away from my house because now I understand who feed´s my ego at least I am not anymore afraid of living alone in the other city. But I need a job I try and I try I speak about five languages I search and search meanwhile my mother fights with me because of my stupid reading she is so addicted to materialism she just fight´s and I am afraid that when she dies my brother will beat me up until I am dead because she is losing much power on internet and media and had a stressful life with my father anyway I need to become independent. We found some friends in the capital but I am afraid that with my generalized anxiety they won't like me and start looking me strange.

Edited September 29, 2017 by Marks199

[wavydude]

hard to make sense of this post but if you speak five languages you won't have problem finding a job
describe your problem better so you can get actual advise 

[Marks199]

Ok, hi! My problem is I was getting not enough sleep so I started to hallucinate. My mother is never happy with me and she keeps on feeding my ego I even had contact with my own death. Now I am doing mindfulness and getting better at controlling myself and my relationship with my mother also. For example, I used to eat a lot and not to sleep I decreased the quantity of food and by doing mindfulness I am getting much more awareness and the same time am searching about my metabolism. Now I will try to eat breakfast at 6:00 a.m. lunch at 12:00 and dinner at 6:00 p.m. As well for holding my back stretched my ego feed`s itself very easily by just taking my arms down and making me fall asleep when it is not the time for it to sleep. I have a very toxic family that doesn't listen to me when I say I suffer from the generalized anxiety they just say get rid of that and move on because no one has to help you! At the same time, my mother suffers when she sees me vomiting in the bathroom because my body is not enough cold and she makes the drama that drives me crazy she is not capable to accept that her son is bad so she is also very toxic. Meanwhile, I am searching for a job and an apartment where to live But everything is so expensive and my parents won't support me she keeps on saying no one has the perfect family so what Ivan look at these kids that are progressing you are getting stuck! They are just feeding my ego. My father even tried to kill her once and I saved her I  was humiliated as a child but nothing gets better they are always bad never happy that`s why I feel she is going to die soon and she is just getting in the 60`s. I have to play very carefully but at the same time I am getting it and demolishing my ego. I do also the concentration method but it seems It`s just rising the number of minutes the quantity of my concentration. I don`t know how to save me alone from this crazy-ness and when I say I want to get independent she starts to wait you have to get a job first. I will start now to avoid her as much as I can.

Edited October 4, 2017 by Marks199