Motivated By Inner Emptiness

[youngshinzen]

I am longing for a spiritual experience. 

I`ve had three before: one near death experience, a hash-cookie and realized I´m very sensitive to those  (9 hour trip to realizing infinity) and a deep insight of determinism and no free will after a long depression.  

Today I have realized more than ever that I want my friends to have spiritual experiences, through long meditation or drugs, just to satisfy my longing for it. I sat down and became aware of what I felt. I was hungry and felt an inner vacuum, which is nothing new to me. But the fact is, that this seems to be my motivation to have a peak experience. So the question is: Should I find ways to realize a strong spiritual experience or should I face this emotion more often? 

But there might also be the option, that this feeling (fear) can be reduced through taking a substance and it might end the vicious cycle. 

What are your opinions and experiences?

 

[Nahm]

@youngshinzen what's the fear in regards to?  Are you looking for more than the practices of meditation & contemplation with some retreats and responsible psychedelic usage? How long did you practice those things before seeking new things? Please forgive me if I am completely misunderstanding your post.  

[youngshinzen]

@Nahm I think that it´s an accumulation of suppressed negative emotions from the past, but the core might be fearing death, which should partially dissolve having ego death experiences with psychedelics. 

I have been meditating almost daily for a year now, but I´m stuck in the concept of determinism and still feeling like an entity, which also leads to a cognitive dissonance.  

Yes, I´m looking forward to participate in retreats, but I am really enthusiastic when it comes to psychedelics due to my intense hash experience, so this is something I´m thinking about every day. But I´m judging people who try to find peace with external things like relationships, partying, talking... And now I see myself in that position, maybe on a more conscious level, but the mechanic is the same, isn`t it? I would tell "those people" to first become content themselves and then strive for these external things. So should I wait until its indifferent to me to use psychedelics or is it ok to have a mostly negative emotion (mixed with curiosity and excitement also) as a catalyst?

Edited August 11, 2017 by youngshinzen

[Nahm]

@youngshinzen  I think I understand you a little better now, thanks. I really relate to everything you're saying! From my experience,  -accumulation of suppressed emotions from the past- that's a thought that you are aware of right now, not an actual thing. Try to point to it. Probably pointed to your head. That's just where you think you're thinking that thought right now. You can totally laugh about it and let it go. It's Now. If the thoughts of the past  come back - laugh about it. Forgive yourself, forgive everyone else. Release yourself, and release them. You are moving forward with all of you focus now - ain't nobody got time for that shit.  I know, shit happened to you though - shit happened to me to man. We have to let it go. It's funny because it's just a thought! Hell, pretend you have amnesia and have no memory of it! And laugh at how crazy funny it is that you're pretending you have amnesia! - Awareness has a far better sense of humor than thinking. Complex sense of humor is noted as high intelligence. Simply become aware of what is just a thought, and what is actually around you in your awareness. It's ok to laugh at your thoughts bro. It's perfectly ok to BE FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!! LMFAO ??  There's no trophy at the end for ' most serious '. Just the absolute stillness enjoyed by those who never stopped dreaming!!

 

To break the barrier between your being-ness at the entity level, and witnessing a deterministic duality with your sensory perception.....you need to break your mind open and give it to beauty itself, to joy itself, to LOVE it's Self. You're intelligent, and especially for your age. That has Really sped up your path, but you will have to learn a lot for yourself now because you are already wiser than dogmas and you can read micro expressions a lot better than you are currently aware of. So, you can see a person's honesty, integrity and general charator a lot more than others can yet. You're getting a lot more from people than just their inflection, tone, content and energy already. You've been meditating and paying attention for a while. I suggest you expand you're awareness of the reality around you, while simultaneously expanding your knowledge & intelligence capacities, by learning quantum physics. Do I know anything about quantum physics? No. I'm fucking CRAZY so don't believe a word I say!  LOL! Learn the double slit well, then be aware that's what's happening with you and around you, always. Learn quantum erasure and use it as an awareness tool to give so much less power - none at all!- to the past. Learn quantum entanglement to get a much clearer understanding & awareness that everything around you , including you, is one big causation happening. An apple looks and tastes like an apple, but when you eat it, at what point did it stop being an apple and start being you? At no particular point at all! And it's fucking hilarious!!! Learn the observer effect to increase your awareness that only what is within your awareness is 'happening'. EVERYTHING outside of your awareness is Not Happening for you. Those are just thoughts. Keep meditating, go away alone for a few days, soon man. Bring creative things to do. You'll remember you fucking love life!!!!! You may even remember what you are!!!!!!!!! FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!! ????? Have fun man! Good luck!

Psylicibin - When you're ready you'll know it. It's like a boner I guess. Sort of. LOL. Seriously though, hash is like somebody tickling you, psylicibin is like Morpheus is pulling you out of a fuckin pink bathtub of embriodic fluid. You don't want that shit happening when you're still entertaining the notion that negative thoughts are some kind of "real past". Let all that shit go, then consider taking it. 1-2 grams, then a month later 3-4, then a month later maybe 5. Then later 8. That's all the experience with that I have. It was all I needed though. 

Death - the above offerings should be enough to have the final breakthrough, to see behind the curtains, to be Truman Burbank stepping outta that sailboat and opening that door in the sky, to being Billy mother fucking Elliot pulling off the Grand Jete!!! Like Mr Roper walking in on Jack making out with a chick - you'll know just WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!!!!! LOL!!! And you're gonna love it!!!!!!

Then when you think of death, you will smile, and laugh!! I had to google "can people die from laughing" just to check. Fucking 4 people have!!!!! CRAZY!! ?????

Be careful at funerals. People don't don't like that joy shit there.  They'll think you're crazy. Try hard not to laugh then also. You crazy fucker.

Change your tun brutha! It's time to start getting shitfaced on Love!

 

Edited August 11, 2017 by Nahm

[youngshinzen]

@Nahm I feel like it's a long way to get to where you are on a being level, but let me start by telling you what I became aware of:

1. I was intimidated by the amount of words you wrote.

2. I thought, wow that's a really cool guy, he's embodying this to the fullest!

3. Wait...what if he just...

4. Copied a part of your answer, pasted it in google to check if you already wrote that to someone else.

5. Feeling guilty for being so skeptical...

6. Nothing relevant came up, realized I had to put it in quotation marks to get the exact same text.

7. It was hard to edit the marks with my iPhone, had to play around a lot with the magnifying glass to get the marks on the right position. 

8. Nothing found. I was certain posts from this forum are available on google, but maybe it won't show up there, so I tried to search it directly on this forum.

9. A huge list of "maybe you were looking for "first word" or "second word" or ...

10. I was reading the list with Leos voice, actually thinking he made it right that second. Which is infinitely stupid...

11. Read your answer again, became more aware of how specific it was. 

12. Then I was even more greatful then before, but to even this feeling out I thought, it's just a brain and electric signals typing words nonstop. Again feeling guilty for not letting you be superior in my imagination?

Crazy to see the amount of shit I think, thanks! ?

 

I'll focus more on those negativ thoughts from the past. It really feels like I'm always wearing this heavy coat, packed with things I've done "wrong". When I think of my face it's like it's made out of crumbling clay. Can you recommend any techniques from your experience to feel fresh and free again?

And I'm much younger than my profil says? And already wanting to cease to exist?

Edited August 11, 2017 by youngshinzen

[Nahm]

@youngshinzen So hilarious!!!!!!  And no ! I can't steal my words!!! They're not mine in the first place!! Let the negative thoughts, and all thought, go. Say goodbye to thinking, say hello to awareness. We can't do both simultaneously. Keep meditating every morning. Simply sit with back erect, and focus on your breathing. Keep returning your focus on your breathing. Be aware of your breathing 24 / 7. Let every thought remind you to go back to awareness of breathing.  That builds the focus muscle. Eventually, you will have such a focus, that by default, you are aware and not thinking. The writing above is what happens when we lose our selves for good. btw, I didn't look at your profile. You can check that. It doesn't matter much anyways. We are all One. We are all forever. You have given yourself THE GIFT OF A LIFETIME!!!! DO YOU GET THAT!!!!! YOUR LIFE IS THE FUCKING GIFT MAN!!!!! IT'S "THE PRESENT", IN THE "UNIVERSE". Don't you see how funny you are, calling it the present & the universe?!?!?!? YOU'RE fuckin hilarious bro! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU GOT HERE!!!!! LOL!!!!! YOU ARE A GOD DAMN MIRACLE - RIGHT NOW!!!! A PERPETUAL MIRACLE!!! LOOK AROUND RIGHT NOW AND REALIZE THE ALTERNATIVE COULD BE NOTHING !!!!  The name of your game is - thinking has brought you a long way - never stop learning, learn quantum physics!!!! But thinking, - let that go. Quantum mechanics stands to show you that reality just can't be made sense of. It just can't. YOU ARE FUCKING CREATING IT!!!!!!!! Right now you're saying that's impossible - cause 'other people'. That's a bullshit thought though. You have never known and will never know, in this life, what anyone else is thinking - that is merely a thought of yours!!!!! Let go of all thought - be in awareness, breath from your stomach. That's not air you're breathing - it's spirituality - it's how you connect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The most important thing (pretend I just slapped you across the face to demand your complete attention) (Fuckin slap yourself bro!!) SLAP YOURSELF ACCROSS THE FUCKING FACE RIGHT NOW - WAKE YOURSELF UP!!!!!! GO SPASH SOME COLD WATER ON YOUR FACE AND WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!! The most important thing, no matter what is going on, no matter what you think you know, no matter what anybody has told you or ever tells you ----- THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, IS HOW YOU FEEL, RIGHT NOW.  Never lose awareness of how you feel right now. Accept it always. Be aware of why you aren't feeling fucking amazing right now. Is it food, is it self pity, is it a fly in your ear?!?!? Does your body need excercise? Be aware of it, so you can wake the fuck up and change the relativity that's leading to it.  This Nahm is just the product of a BIG BANG!!!!!! A FUCKIN nut in a vag, LMFAO!!! 23 years of meditation, years of excercising every morning, learning quantum physics - though I don't "know" anything about it, and eating vegan for the last few years, THOUGH I'M NOT EVEN VEGAN!!! LOL!!! - and the icing on that cake is - I was never even born!!!! LMFAO!!! Nahm is just what's happening from the relativity of all those practices - to the absolute - you also are the absolute. So BE the mother fuckin absolute and start using all that is relative, all that can be changed, to your benefit in terms of how you feel right now!!! Give it a year, you'll be feeling amazing all the time!!! Then you will be able to give so much love to people, that you are constantly seeking the people with the worst problems. Why? Because the more depressing and terrible and horrific what someone is saying is, the more love and joy it summons in you, and when your response comes out - because you're not thinking - that response comes right out of a fucking vortex of love so big, so majestic, so fucking powerful -IT EXPANDS REALITY ITSELF -   WHICH IS JUST A FUCKING HALLUCINATION!!!! AN ILLUSION OF YOURS!!!!!  you might HAVE TO google "can people die from laughing"?!!?!?!?!?!?!?! And we fuckin can!!!!! ????????

Learn an instrument!!! It's awesome and it increases awareness & focus in a fun way that you can share with others! Make Youtubing Quantum Physics your new best friend!!!! Do creative things!!!! Turn the FUCKING TV off!!!  Turn the SHITBOX or SHITSTATION games off!!!! BE your game!!!!! 

You can't get it wrong man. You can't get it wrong. You can't!!!! It's impossible - everything "wrong" triggers a desire in you that is more refined awareness to want you want!!!! YOU CAN'T GET IT WRONG!!! JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE!! IT"S A GIFT OF A LIFETIME!!!!!!! I HAVE TO GO NOW - I'M GOING TO WRITE A BOOK CALLED THE GIFT OF A LIFETIME!!!!!LMFAO!!!!! I ACTUALLY AM - AND YOU, YOU FUCKING GUY, YOU!!!! PULLED IT OUTTA ME!!!! THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND DON'T WORRY FOR ME, I SAVE ALL THESE SCREEN SHOTS SO NOBODY STEALS "MY" LMAFO!!! SHIT!!!!!! You're hilarious dude. I fuckin love you!!!!!

Edit: Holy Shit again brutha!!! You just pulled these lyrics outta me!!! And I really like them!!!! Writing another song now- THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

"It doesn't matter if you scream out loud, or sing the sappy poetry inside our wedding vows-

you gotta live that melody and BREATH that chord-

you better steal our hearts and leave us wanting more!!!!

Cause it's only LOVE,

it's only one little drop, one little spark

It's the infinite truth inside a tiny rain drop,

that brings me back to life,

and makes me never want to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'M FUCKING CRYING RIGHT NOW!!!! YOU FUCKER!!!!! ???????????????????????

I'll be singing that this weekend to a crowd at a gig - AND THEY'RE GONNA FEEL MY LOVE !!!!!! AND I'M GONNA FEEL THEIR LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

 

do you see how it works!!!!!?????????/

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE 

it's all just LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

want access???? START LOVING THE MOTHER FUCKING SHIT OUTTA YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Like Sammy Hagar said-

When Love starts fallin down, better change your tun"!!!!!!!

(YES, "TUN")

 

Better increase your capacity when that big love starts coming - or you'll just be on the floor crying all the time at how fucking !!!!! BEAUTIFUL!!!! IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited August 11, 2017 by Nahm

[youngshinzen]

@Nahm Thank you. I'm already noticing how that answer changed me. 

[Leo Gura]

@youngshinzen Both! Have your spiritual experience, but also ground it in everyday mindfulness and extract the insight from it.

The desire for Truth is a precious thing. Don't waste or dismiss it.