Being quiet in group conversations

[Inwhitelight]

Most people would call me an introvert. I easily get caught up in my thoughts while following a conversation and by the time I have something to add, the conversation may have moved on to something else.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid of sharing thoughts that are unfinished, unnuanced or just wrong. However, there is a part of me that wants to prioritize listening over talking, and if I have nothing of value to offer, it's better to say nothing. I find this makes some people uncomfortable, for reasons I'm not quite sure of. It's not like I'm not talking at all, but if there's a constant stream of voices I'm less inclined to cut in.

A few times this has been questioned by other people, like 'why are you so quiet?', 'what are you really feeling, right now?', what has felt like putting me on the spot and makes me feel uncomfortable. It makes me want to talk less because I don't like feeling I should open up just because it will make other people more comfortable.

Am i being controlled by fear? How can I more easily tell whats true for me? Maybe I'm using the complexity of things as an excuse to be aloof?

I would love to hear if anyone has thoughts on this, how do you fare in group conversations?

 

[Human Mint]

You can train bringing up ideas you would like to talk. It can be anything really, with a more careless attitude. And then you just listen, and maybe it flares up and some other people enter the conversation too.

You progressively will be enjoying more and more conversations, to the point that you could just listen and add something related.

It can be really anything, like a specific question, something that's happening, something that happened to you, etc.

Naturally there are conversations that are just boring. That's always abundant actually. So being quiet is not always an error.

Edited 7 hours ago by Human Mint

[Olaf]

@Inwhitelight I love this, I am an introvert myself and you know what is funny, sometimes I am just quiet, I don't say shit and I don't care if they are uncomfortable. Am I being a dick? Maybe, but I am just being myself. Now don't get me wrong I talk allot and have been working on my social skills allot, so I know how to hold a conversation, I am just not always feeling it, it isn't congruent to express myself so much and instead what I do many times is just ask questions so they start talking allot and I can just chill and listen.

Learn about open ended questions, they will help you allot, because if you ask an open ended questions to the right person, they will just keep talking and talking. And then you can ask always "why?" "why did you choose that or this?" "why did you come to that conclusion?" or just be silent and they get so akward that they want to talk themself hahaha. Don't let people shame you anyways, fuck em. You want to be quiet just be quiet, you want to talk, talk, you are the men. But I would recommend learning a bit of social skills so that you can present your authentic side (not talking) in a more relatable way. Even tho I do all of this I am very aware how I am coming across and always try to do it in a way to be socially callibrated. Often times even when I am quiet, my energy is very alive and people respond to my energy, so also see what energy you are coming from.